The warmest of welcomes to you, especially under such incredibly challenging circumstances.
It sounds like you have so many challenges going on right now and my heart truly goes out to you. To have lost both your parents in the last 12 months must feel so mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. My mum passed just over 5 months ago and I was incredibly close to her. Grief really puts our mind and our body through the wringer as we try to make sense of the loss and how we're going to manage to move forward in constructive ways. Time doesn't heal all wounds, hard work does (in my opinion). Processing the loss and moving forward can be such hard work. Give yourself the credit you deserve.
Having worked in different areas of the care industry for for around 30 years myself, I've met a lot of empaths. Such is the nature of the industry, to attract deeply feeling people. To be able to get a feel for others and what they're experiencing comes with its challenges, that's for sure. A dental appointment is not simple in this case. You can feel the stress of the client you serve, feel your own stress, feel the stress and judgement of others (their thoughts included). Can all become so overwhelming for our nervous system. 'Do I want to be putting my body through that?' is a fair question. I'm going back about 23 years, in recalling when I used to work in residential assisted living for adults with intellectual challenges. It's definitely not easy, for a whole number of reasons, but it is rewarding. If really good strategies aren't set out in a client's plan for helping them manage the stress of a dental appointment, a carer can be left facing the consequences of that. I recall one client I worked for who actually had to have a light general anesthetic for even basic dental appointments. It made it easier for all involved, especially the client.
Being out of practice when it comes to particular challenges can be another factor sometimes. If you used to practice certain strategies for managing key stressors during day shifts, not having practiced such strategies for some time can come with stressful side effects that can be felt. I can recall taking a 15 month break from the job I'm currently in, only to return with my self esteem shot to hell. Falling back into certain practices (with repetition) became a self esteem booster over time.
Being mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, being a deeply feeling person and being someone who's out of practice when it comes to certain challenges in life is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Given all that, a fair question would be 'Am I the right person for the job?' or 'Am I the best person to serve my client, under the circumstances?'. If your manager is someone who is thoughtful, they'll understand the need to find someone else under the circumstances or the need to help you manage developing certain strategies in order for you to manage the appointment better than you currently imagine. If they're not someone who can put themself in your shoes and the thought of coming to work that day is literally making you feel sick, I think it's fair to consider leave. It's so important to take good care of ourself, especially when we're feeling overwhelmed. Seeing our nervous system and everything attached to it is with us for our whole life, we need to take good care of it.
