Anxiety/depression

[SilvaLady]

I’m suffering from anxiety/depression. I’m seeing a psychologist once week, which I started last week. Am living with my sil and brother, but the comments she makes towards me about my mental health makes things worse for me. She claims that she is trying to help me, but it makes it worse for me. Am not sure she really understands. She claims that she has her own personal mental problems, but I think she just can’t cope or understands what I’m going through. I understand that they’re trying to help me, but it’s hard to cope with.

[BlueLily]

Hi SilvaLady,

Welcome back to the forum. Sorry to hear that you are struggling to cope with how your sister reacts.

Unfortunately I have undergone the same situation. Specially at the start of mental health struggles. I suppose that's when I was learning what I was going through slowly myself while also trying to explain it to people around me so that they are patient with my behaviour while also helping me if they can.

In my own experience, anxiety and depression is not easily understood by people without experiencing it themselves or by someone really close to them, despite lot of awareness campaigns on going. To mitigate that I usually explain my thought process and how I feel to others rather than trying to explain "why" I feel that way. For example, I would explain to them my anxiety, if I had to go in front of an audience and sing, that my brain start catastrophic thinking, imagining all the ways I could fall over or get knocked over just by walking to the front and then how I would freeze and no sound would come out to sing. I would explain how my breathing would go really high to an extent that I almost loose it. 

That way your sister can actually compare her own mental struggles with yours and will understand if your situation is different. 

Take care of yourself..

[SilvaLady]

Thank you BlueLily for your support. It makes me feel much better that others go through similar things and understand. I hope you have a wonderful day. 

[therising]

Hi SilvaLady

While my heart goes out to you, given your challenges, it's good to hear you've found a psychologist as a guide through such challenging times. I believe guidance is so important at times in our life where we're feeling so lost, deeply challenged and/or in the dark (of depression).

What works for one person, in the way of mental health strategies, won't necessarily work for another. So, what is a brilliant set of strategies for your SIL could actually be quite triggering or stressful for you. I think unless we've come across a variety of people in our life, who all manage differently, we can be of the belief that our way is the best way or the only way. Perhaps when you start receiving the best management tips from the psychologist (based on your nature and challenges), you'll be able to say to your SIL something along the lines of 'While I can genuinely appreciate the strategies that work for you, my psychologist gave me some strategies that work really well for me, ones I'm going to practice in the way of making a difference in my life'.

I think one of the biggest differences, when it comes to the ways people experience mental health challenges, can involve inner dialogue. You could have 2 people who experience depression and anxiety but only one of those people faces the intense challenges of inner dialogue. When the person who doesn't face that particular challenge offers the advice 'You have to exercise more and eat better and put more effort into things', what the other can be hearing in their mind is 'What's the point. Nothing's going to help. You're going to be broken for the rest of your life, so why even try'. The best start may not involve the exercise, the eating etc, it may involve first managing what we hear in our head. 🙂❤️