You've very brave Bethy! It sounds like you are having a difficult time. But so good you've found Beyond Blue (BB) Forums. The people who respond to posts are friendly, supportive, caring and respect individual's privacy.
My heart goes out to you. I truly cannot imagine what you are going through. Knowing someone you love is experiencing so much pain and that things are not going to get better is so difficult. It hurts awfully. The anxiety you are experiencing is only natural. Nothing to be frightened of or worried about. Anxiety is our way of telling us we are fearful. In this case, you have a genuine fear of your father's future.
Managing anxiety though, becomes necessary because it can interfere with our everyday workings and functionings. I have had anxiety all my life, though it wasn't until 7-8 years ago that I was diagnosed with it. It puts into perspective all the fear I've experience throughout my life. Thank goodness I've come out the other end okay.
You say, I dont tell people how I feel... but my heart is broken. I wake up in the morning and face the days but Im just rolling with it. This morning I woke up and I felt anxious and so irritable. The house work was annoying me the kids and they werent doing anything wrong. I made myself take them out for the morning but once we got home I was so exhausted I went back to bed.
Is it okay if I ask you some questions?
Is there a reason why you don't tell people how you feel? You're doing that here in our forum. But maybe you don't think you'll get the support you need? Sometimes people surprise us and do provide that when we least expect it. Have you tried telling a close friend?
Do you know much about anxiety? I.e. the symptoms? Do a google search - Beyond Blue anxiety and have a look at all the information BB provide under this tag. From my own experience, it is normal to feel annoyed and irritated. That is part of the course. The real things to focus on are - how do you manage these. Huh, for me it's an ongoing management regime.
Trying to be there for everyone is EXHAUSTING! No wonder you feel tired. All I can say is be kind to yourself.
Visiting your GP is a very good idea.
That sense of feeling hit by a ton of bricks and other days feeling fine - is very very familiar. Keep a record of this so you can talk about it with your doctor.
Where to start - you've done it. There are many threads on the BB forums. Look through them to find those that correspond to your situation.
PamelaR
