Dear Mum
Hello and welcome. Being a mum of four children has enough worry by itself without coping with other major worries. I have four children and can relate to that part. I am so sorry you were a witness to such a dreadful accident. I too feel sad that a family is approaching Mother's Day without their mom. I can only imagine how this would feel.
First of all you need to concentrate on your own family and the joy you bring to their lives. At the moment these are the most important people. I expect you will be thinking that it's not fair for the other family, and that's true. No one can change that situation, and that includes you. That family will have other family members to help them through the day. Please celebrate the day with your children and make it the best yet in honour of the mom that died.
Your feelings sound a bit like post traumatic distress disorder (PTSD) as a result of witnessing such a dreadful accident. At the very least, as you say, you are highly anxious and feel guilty. I suspect you feel guilty because the other mom died and you survived. It's a normal and natural reaction to this sort of situation. You did nothing wrong and did not cause the accident.
You need some help to get through this. Please make a long appointment with your GP to talk about this. Talking to a professional person, such as your GP, can be very helpful. I also wonder if you are imagining yourself as the mom who died and worrying about your family would manage without you. Remind yourself that you are still here and thinking about dreadful might-have-been situations is unhelpful. I also know how hard it is to stop these thoughts.
When you feel breathless, stop whatever you are doing and concentrate on your breathing. However, I think the best answer lies in talking with your GP who may prescribe a short term medication to help you.
When I feel a panic attack start I try the breathing a couple of times and then I go and do something active. Go for a short walk, even if it is round your garden a couple of times. A chore I find often needs to be done is bed making. Once you start to calm down you can do something gentle such as meditation. By sitting down and focusing on whatever your particular form of meditation instructs, you are helping your body to unwind. Even if you keep returning to your anxious this is still helpful. When this happens acknowledge the thought then return to your meditation. It will get easier. Write in as often as you can.
Mary
