Anxiety and Worry taking over

[Andy111]

Hi Everyone,

Don’t really feel comfortable doing something like this, but it’s a lot easier than verbally expressing my thoughts and feelings. I am really discontent with my life at the moment. It does not make sense – I am in my mid 20s, I have graduated from university, I have a good position for a good company, I am healthy, I have many friends and a large family.

I have been feeling like this for numerous years now, however have never really tackled the problem and given it much priority (maybe because ive never felt comfortable expressing feelings and feel weak doing so). I always keep telling myself to go see a psychologist but I don’t even know where to start. I am frequently feeling anxious and worried and my heart is constantly racing. I am always unsure, I don’t have much confidence in myself and I always have negative thoughts in my head. I don’t do well in social situations with people I am unfamiliar with. I am afraid of public speaking, I don’t like going to meetings at work, and I will go to extreme measures to avoid situations which I am not
comfortable with. This is really affecting my performance at work, even though deep down I know I am more than capable.

I do not have close relationships in my life, conversations with my siblings and parents are very limited and never deep. I usually go on about my life like everything is okay and under control, but deep down only I know how I really feel. Some days are good and get a glimpse of happy feelings but most days I feel miserable, empty, tired and demotivated.

If I could get any advice that could lead me in the right direction and out of this spiral I would be very appreciative.

[JessF]

Hello Andy, well done for stepping out of your comfort zone and writing that post. It doesn't sound like these are things that you have ever expressed before, so writing them out is a brave first step.

Seeing a psychologist sounds like it could be a good idea for you. Your GP can get you a referral for 10 sessions at a reduced rate, so in terms of where to start, you can go and see your GP. Explaining everything exactly as you have in your post covers it perfectly. The bits you have identified around how the anxiety is starting to make you go to extreme lengths to avoid doing things that you would like to be doing or need to be doing is just the sort of thing that psychologists can help with.

We can also chat to you some more here as often as you wish. You will see a lot of threads here from people who just talk through their days and bounce off their thoughts for coping with specific bumps in the road that pop up.

It can get a bit overwhelming knowing where to start when you feel anxiety is affecting so many areas of your life. Sometimes you can just get a start by picking one and going from there, usually a smaller one: meetings at work for example. I'll let you come back and talk some more about what you'd like to start chatting about before I go off on a tangent.

I'll just finish off by reiterating what you've said at the start, because anxiety is such a confidence sapper that I think it's always important to keep rememebring your strengths: you are clearly smart, having graduated from university and obtained a good job. You're keeping good health physically. You feel more than capable of coping with life and work, but at the moment there's certain skills eluding you in doing some very specific things, public speaking, social situations and the like. Yet you are well liked and outgoing person with respect to having many friends.

There's a strong base to start with. I hope you will post again soon.

[Scott76]

Hi Andy. Good on you for making a start and stepping out of your comfort zone.

Talking to someone sounds like a really good idea. This might just be your GP or they can help you find a psychologist who you can talk to. I balked at the idea of talking to a therapist myself the first time it was mentioned to me but once I was in the room and talking to someone who was really listening but also slightly removed from the situation I knew I had made the right decision. They might be able to offer you some strategies for coping, discuss what's underlying your feelings or even just listen to you.

And don't forget these forums are always here for you too.

[geoff]

hi Andy, welcome to the site, and what has been said is very good.
You're competent, have a good job as well as in many other ways, but unfortunately anxiety is what is holding you from moving forward, it's always a shame when an MI holds someone back, but it can be overcome.
Anxiety has that ability to make you 'feel miserable, empty, tired and demotivated', and it's a weak link which you learn on your way up in the company, or you could have always had it.
If you google 'public speaking courses' there are many links for you to look at, but in conjunction in doing any of these, a psychologist will also help you develop some strength in what you feel you are lacking in.
I know when a great singer or artist who performs on stage are asked whether or not they are nervous, they mostly say yes, although they're been doing it for a long time, but as soon as they begin, so does their exhilaration.
You have this ability, but it's been hidden away, open the door and let someone in to help you. Geoff.