Anxiety and Me.

[FrancisB]

Hello everyone. I have anxiety. I ran out of meds some months back and thought I could manage..and did ok for a while...but over the last month or so..it is really spiraling out of control. Sadly for me and those around me I get really angry when my anxiety gets unbearable. I say horrible things. Well I mostly text horrible things. (coward that I am😊). I Damage relationships. I have an appointment with my gp this coming Friday....so thought I might hang out here to keep me grounded. I like to pretend that I’m fine most of the time.....but that doesn’t seem to be working too well for me. It is hard to find understanding in others who don’t get how horrible this feeling is...and I get that they don’t understand....but I feel a bit lonely and isolated right now. I know it will get better.....just not instantly. I need to not only take my meds but make some changes...

[FrancisB]

To put this into some context I’m pretty sure that the anger I speak of is probably in my unrealistic expectations of others...and to put that into perspective I have cared for my mother who has dementia for close to six years.

I continued to work until about a year ago..when I just couldn’t manage both roles. I had worked in child protection and had experienced some pretty scary moments..you know loaded guns...in the hands of someone high in ice...armed only with a clipboard. Day to day stuff really.

I’m not alone in feeling isolated in this role as carer....and it’s certainly not exceptional that my siblings don’t help at all..don’t visit..don’t call..don’t send gifts....Christmas this year really sucked..and services closed for two weeks....but me getting angry with them does nothing to improve my situation.

my anxiety literally makes me feel sick. When it’s bad I wake up everyday at a ten..I can feel it in my stomach....it really is horrible. I can see writing this that I have neglected my own health...and that needs to change...urgently. Thanks for listening.

[baet123]

Hi FrancisB,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for posting. It is great to have you here. Opening up and sharing your situation with us is an extremely strong and brave act and I can tell you are extremely resilient and intelligent and these are amazing qualities you possess and you should be extremely proud! Feel free to post as much or as little as you please and you are always welcome to hang out here!

Sorry to hear that things aren't to good for you at the moment. I dealt with anxiety for many many years so I can relate to much of what your experiencing. It isn't a very good feeling when your anxiety levels reach a point where it is debilitating and is having a detrimental impact on your quality of life. The good news is that it does and will get better. It did for me so it will for you to.

You mention you ran out of medication and tried to manage your condition on your own. This is quite common and you find many people do "ok" for a while but then things tend to "spiral out of control" as you stated above. It is a great that you are seeing your GP this Friday. It is really important to keep your health professionals in the "loop" and ensuring your taking your medication as you know is really important as prolonged and sustained periods of medication is really important throughout ones treatment/recovery process.

Try and not be too hard on yourself either. Anxiety is impacting some of your actions and behaviours and that is completely normal and understandable. I find things that helped me was expressing myself, eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising and going outdoors and enjoying time in the sun. I know that these might sound cliche and "generic" but they work and are highly effective.

Your on the right path. You are extremely intelligent and it is amazing that you are aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings. I would discuss with your GP on Friday the possibility of him/her referring you to a psychologist to work on some techniques to improve your anxiety (CBT, DBT and the like). Sustained, prolonged periods of medication in combination with therapy general yields the best results.

I look forward to hearing back from you and all the best.

Your friend,

Nick.

[FrancisB]

Thankyou Nick. So I wrote this post on 28.1.19...and then at about 7pm the same day my beautiful mum had a fall and broke her hip and wrist...she had surgery the following day....and all seemed well....but there have been complications....and I had to make the decision to not proceed with any intrusive treatment..it was the hardest most lonely time in my life..ever. Luckily I had seen my doctor and I know these meds work....and I’m going to need all the help I can get.

[baet123]

Hi Francis,

Thank you so much for your reply.

So sorry to hear that your mother fell down and was injured. That is horrible and unfortunately happens all too often 😞 I am sorry to hear that your struggling at the moment and that you are feeling extremely lonely at present. You are not alone. I am sure there are many people in your life who care about you and want to hear from you even though some have a weird way of showing it.

We are here for you always. It is important to see your doctor regularly. I am glad you have confidence in the medications you have been prescribed. Please also consider phoning Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 (24x7) or also Lifeline on 13 11 14. They would love to hear for you and have all the time in the world to speak to you and listen to your genuine concerns.

Please keep us posted and I wish you all the best.

Nick.

[FrancisB]

Thankyou again Nick. My mum won’t be coming home she will go into a nursing home. After six years of caring firstly for my dad and then mum...it’s a big adjustment. But I’m doing OK.

my meds do work for me...and I’m so grateful that they are available.

When you’re a carer it seems that your social circle gets smaller with each passing year...I guess because you don’t have the freedom to accept invitations. So time to reconnect. Have a holiday planned...new chapter.

Francis.

[Guest_2496]

Hi Francis

Have just seen your thread and wanted to say I can relate.

I cared for my mother for ten years, and stopped working two years after she died.

Major life changes without planning or looking after myself so I’m now dealing with it.

A holiday and making yourself a priority sounds good.

[JRG]

Hi Francis,

I hope you are doing ok after everything that has happened. I too just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in finding that anxiety can become life impairing when it's bad. I suffer from it myself and find that sometimes it is just the simplest of things that sets me off. Yesterday, I ended up in 2 hrs of traffic and didn't realise until I got to my destination just how much I was jittery and wound up just after driving.

Medications certainly do help me too and I am glad you are seeking help to look after yourself in such difficult times. Adapting to change is hard at the best of times let alone when you have a sick family member you care about involved too. Keep looking for ways that might help you get that extra strength each day to get through - go for a walk outside, get some fresh air and sunshine, try some simple meditation or breathing technique apps ('What's Up' is a good one that is free) and keep seeing your doctor regularly to make a long-term plan to help you get through.

Best of luck with everything - keep posting if you feel it helps.

JRG.

[baet123]

Hi Francis,

Thank you for your reply and my apologies for the delayed response. Have been super busy with RL commitments unfortunately.

As you mentioned and would know, being a carer does have a huge emotional and physical toll on an individual. You are an amazing son and you should be extremely proud of yourself. You have gone above and beyond caring for both of your parents. It is a big adjustment no doubt about it but you will get through it.

I am glad your meds are having a positive impact on your well-being.

It is really important that you regain social contact and increase your social network. It is very common for carer's to focus so much on caring for their loved ones, however, it often comes at a cost to their own personal happiness and well-being. It is important to reconnect with people and I am glad you are make a concerted effort to do so.

Please keep us posted and enjoy your holiday.

Look forward to hearing back from you.

Nick.