Anxiety and Depression

[Dexter2748]

Hello,

I have spent the last couple months suffering from both anxiety and depression, something I've had for years but now at it's worst. I take a range of medications however I still find it impossible to relax. Some friends and family know about my current health issues but I don't think they fully grasp what I'm experiencing. To be fair I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions at times as I don't want to be that sad guy in the corner, I want to be the one to motivate others and make them laugh 

Tomorrow will be my first appointment with my psychologist. I'm both excited and nervous about it as it's been about 6 years since undergoing any from of therapy, I know I really need it.

I think about death a lot, each day even when not experiencing a panic attack I wish that I was no longer here. I've had these thoughts for years now but I don't think I could hurt my family like that and plus I'm only 23 so everyone tells me it's going to get better. It's most like I know I wouldn't hurt myself, just wish I could disappear somehow. I cry almost daily, doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm always scared and can never sleep even after taking a sleeping tablet.

Any advice would be appreciated, I just don't want to feel so alone anymore.

[Neil_1]

Hi Dexter

You've probably heard this a thousand times, but you've got the name of one of my absolute all time favourite shows.  Sorry, I just had to open with this.

Dexter, your opening para had me thinking ... hang on, this is one of my very early posts on this website.  You described how I am perfectly.

I'm so pleased that you've got an appointment with a psyche tomorrow.  Please, if you're able to, I would love to hear how it went.

Oh, we do have a tad difference in age, as I'm toddling along in my late 40's and Dexter, I so so so hope that you can knock this on the head very soon.  You don't want this to hang with you for long ... although, it sounds like you've had it for a little while.  But address it and see what can be done.

You've taken an important step to get counselling as well as being able to come on here and tell your story.  We need to get those awful feeling that you've described in your last paragraph out of your head ... we're a little different with the crying thing as you say you cry almost daily ... I WISH i could cry, but for some reason, something is holding me back.

But again you've mentioned sleeping tablets ... I was addicted to those for something like 8 years, until I changed Dr's (I didn't want too, but it had to happen) and my new Dr's first item on his list with me was to get me off sleeping tablets.  But I've kind of lucked out somehow, cause I take 3 different medications daily ... and two of them are night time ones, cause about an hour later, I am able to lie down and go to sleep.

I'm nervous and have really bad anxiety.  Mate, you are definitely not alone.  Being age of 23, what are some of the things that you REALLY like to do?  Are you into sport, fitness,computers, travel??  We need to get your mind off the absolute worst things you're thinking of, and get you onto things that you enjoy doing.  I know, you may not be at the stage for wanting to do them, but we need to find you an outlet;  some kind of release.  Having your appointment tomorrow will hopefully help some as well.

I hope some of the above has made sense to you and hope to hear from you again soon

Neil

[Jo3]

Hi Dexter,

Yeah your name rings a bell with me too!!! 

Dexter I agree with Neil 100% in everything he has said to you.  I just want to say pls don't hold anything in or bottle it up because you're young and you don't want to hold it in for years.  I'm the same age as Neil and it's been 3 yrs since dealing with my mental illness. 

Hope you can come back and chat again

Pls take care

Jo

[Dexter2748]

Hello Neil 🙂 

Firstly, thanks so much for your amazing reply, I had been curious to whether anyone would respond to my post. Secondly, Dexter isn't my real name 😛 It's actually Joseph. Dexter is a name I got from a kids show I used to watch when I was younger. Many people think it's from the recently tv show about the serial killer however I haven't watched it, I really need to!

I had my appointment with the psychologist however it didn't go as well as I had hoped. She was very nice but found out it would be two to three weeks between appointments (she only works two days a week), something I cannot deal with at the moment. I had a panic attack after leaving her office and decided I needed to find someone else. With all the anxiety and negative thoughts I’ve been experiencing recentlyI really need weekly appointments to get the ball rolling. 

I emailed my doctor with the details of a psychologist a friend referred to me who works long hours, five days a week. I have my first appointment with her on Wednesday 15/01, so fingers crossed. 

What was it like coming off the sleeping tablets? What made you change doctors?I’m told they can be very addictive and I know personally I think about my medication a lot, maybe too often. I’m on three different types of medications at the moment and honestly would panic if I knew I had to go a day without one of them. 

What causes your anxiety? What do you find most relaxing/uplifting when feeling nervous or down? 

A lot of my anxiety is based around friendships and relationships, I’ve been hurt in the past so now find it hard to trust people and forever question why people want to be around me. It’s almost like I don’t feel worthy of their time. At the moment I’m dating a guy who lives in a different state to me. It’s really tested my coping abilities as being long distance it’s all about good communication skills and most importantly trust. I’ve had many sleepless nights in a panic but know if I end the relationship it will just mean I’ve taken the easy way out, he’s never done anything to make me question him plus he’s so supportive of my mental health issues thanks to his line of work. Are you married or?

I’ve recently started to go running again, so far this month I have done about 35km with a goal of 80km before the month is up. Along with this I’ve gotten back into the habit of drawing, something I find both enjoyable and very relaxing. What do your hobbies include? 

Thanks again for your supportive response, I do hope to hear back from you soon.

Please take care. 

Dexter

[Dexter2748]

Hello Jo 🙂 

Thank you also for your nice response, it means a lot to me. 

Can I ask what your mental illness involves? I would love to hear about it so we can share experiences and hopefully learn from each other. 

Please look after yourself

Dexter x

[Jo3]

Hi Dexter

I suffer from depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and childhood sexual abuse.  On top of that my parents abandoned me 3 yrs ago when I had memories of this abuse. Only last week we are talking to each other as a result of my grandma passing away.

Three years my life turned upside down, it's been hell.  But with the help of my psych, GP, my own family, and these wonderful people on here, I'm not sure where I would be right now.

It's a tough journey but we can help each other.  I hope you're okay and keep coming on here if you want to because we are all understanding of each other and support each other.

Take care

Jo