Anxiety & Depression

[Elijahrams]

I am a 50 year old, who was raised by a super protective mother. My father was a very sweet, shy, he passed away in 2007. My mother recently in 2021. as we grew up my brother and my 2 sisters who were older than me were closer guarded by my mother. None got of us got married. My sister who is 2 years older than me got pregnant when we were still in school. She got the wrath of my mother. Interestingly both my mother who was a nurse and my father who was a porter both worked for a Psychiatric Hospital. I lived with my mother until he died at the age of 84 and i was 47, i am now 50. I worked menial jobs I had girlfriends, i lived literally in the basement and had two kids with two of my girlfriends. Obviously i rebelled sometimes and sneaked my girlfriends, but there way things went i knew my relationships would be doomed.  The ladies grew impatient with me they took me as a mamas boy, i see my kids one is grown and working, my last one is 14. I never known how to be with ladies in a more responsible way as a man. Even though i took care of my kids the best way i could, because she had money than I did  she would buy my kids gifts, take them away, make decisions i did not know about.  at 50 i never found a chance or strenghth to overall he. When we grew up we never attended parties, go on school trips. I have always had anxiety, and a very low self-esteem. Now that she is no more, instead of feeling better i feel worse. I cannot keep relaltionships i find it hard to keep long term relationships, i give ladies money, help them with what they need, but i can't ask them to help with house chores, or cleaning dishes. I understand its low self esteem, but i can't do anything about. recently i started coping with alcohol, obviously it has not made my life easy. i cannot sleep, i have bills, its just total chaos. I just found out my girlfriend of 2 years has been having a guy friend for the past 6 years. She was using my tablet in forgot to logout of whatsapp, i could not help it. I thought this one was it but i found a message where the guy asked where is your hubby. she replied that guy is not my hubby, a hubby is someone you gonna marry. i was devastated, when i asked her about it she just snapped and asked to leave saying she does not feel safe when i asked her question like that. she went to her home, so i cant push here because it will be like i am stalking her. So i started my binge drinking with the little money i have, its total chaos.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I can relate to a domineering mother. I've been estranged from her for 14 years and she is 93yo, I wont see her again. I too had a sweet father, passed away in 1992. 

Not many people understand the problems with a mother that nearly owns every action you take. In fact, well after my mother passes away she will still occupy a part of my mind, she'll own that part. This is the effect of dominance and being told you arent good enough all the time.

At 40yo I separated from my 1st wife and we had 2 kids. I fell in a heap until one day I decided in my small caravan in a caravan park, that I would rebound. I bought a block of land then built a kit home while I worked shift work around the clock. Under 12 months later I moved in and there began my new life but it took tenacity and that doesnt come easy.

The one big difference to you and I is I dont drink. Once when drinking I added up the costs and decided to put that money into a good car. But I understand where you are and why, drowning your sorrows brings more sorrow.

I cant help but think you need a big change in your life, employment, holidays, hobby, sport, whatever fits in with your personality that is a little radical in order to find stimulation. For me its caravanning or creating a design and building it. But if you dont have that then you are going to find life a battle especially since you were deceived by your ex GF. Building my own home at 40yo was a long time ago, I'm 69 now and I look back and realise that I recreated myself, found a project and dedicated myself to it. It must be devastating not being able to do what I did.

But whatever the topic be it ex GF, kids, mothers legacy in our minds the secret I believe is to never ever give up. This was taught to me at 26yo. Here is the link to that story, the first page is all you have to read.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

I'm here daily if you'd like to reply

TonyWK