Anxiety about leaving work to finish uni?

[Hollywould261]

Hi

So I graduated from uni in 2016 and have been working full time ever since. I have also been completing my masters on top of this (which I applied for before I got my full-time job). I've worked for the same place for the last 2.5 years and felt I was on top of my workload in both uni and work but over the last 6 months, I've been feeling more and more like I have a loss of control. I feel that less and less I have time to do things that make me happy and that I am sacrificing doing things for myself (including my masters) because of the demands from work.

I've been having insomnia, panic attacks and other health problems which when I've taken time off to try and reset I've been told that these aren't really acceptable reasons. Although my manager has told me "I don't have to pretend my studies are invisible" and they will work with me, they rarely do and when I do ask for annual leave (even when it isn't related to uni) I often get bombarded with calls from work asking me to do things or come in. I've felt really under pressure to not let my performance slip at work which then gives me anxiety about failing my master's program because I'm not dedicating enough time to studying due to work demands.

I've spoken to counsellors and they've told me that I really need to pick one or the other. Easy right? Well then I have anxiety about quitting work. I also get massive anxiety about if I don't quit my job to finish uni then I will continue feeling very stressed, anxious and ultimately have more mental breakdowns. Or what is the point of me working towards my masters (something I was so passionate about but feel lethargic towards lately) if I am just going to work where I'm working? So it's been a spiral really.

I'm not sure how to approach my boss and let them know that I don't want to work there anymore because it is causing me to feel this way. I'm scared of how they will react and often have panic attacks about them not being understanding towards the reasons behind me quitting. I'm scared that they will try to pressure me into staying and that given the fragile state I'm in I will crumble. I'm not sure how to go about this without feeling like I've let everyone down.

[PamelaR]

Hi Hollywould

Warm welcome to our forums. It's great you've found your way here. Those feelings of letting everyone down are so strong when it comes to wanting to make a decision for ourselves. I've experienced a lot of what you are going through and it isn't easy. Study along with full time work takes a lot of mental and physical energy and emotion.

I think you are very good though in making a decision for yourself. Even though you think it will let others down or in some ways let yourself down. Maybe your boss might see it differently than you think?

Generally I've found my panic attacks come from the 'what ifs', the 'what ifs' that never happen. For instance when I was studying and working full time I spiralled out of control. I too took lots of time off work to 'recuperate'. Then I made the decision to take a year off everything - study and work (applied for leave without pay). Went travelling! Making that move wasn't easy though I throughly enjoyed every minute and it helped me decide how I wanted to progress. I returned to work and handed in my resignation. No my boss wasn't very pleased, however, I needed to do it for me. I finished my studies full time and never looked back.

My anxiety levels throughout that period were through the roof, but some how I managed to not allow the panic attacks to get the better of me. In hindsight it was about me taking control of my life and not worrying about letting others down, but doing what I needed to do.

I've talked a bit about me, but I did this because your situation sounds so very similar and I hope you can take something away from this post to help you move forward.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[CJ1998]

Hi Hollywould,

This sounds similar to what I just went through. I am currently in my final year of university but was also working long hours at my job. I always felt so overwhelmed and as though I couldn't keep up with both. This ultimately led to a lot of stress and anxiety to the point where I had to take some time off of work. During this time I had to decide what to do and I ultimately left my job so that I can complete my degree.

This was not an easy decision for me as I am now without an income for a while, but in hindsight I know it was the best decision for me. Ultimately, your health needs to come first and if leaving work is going to allow you to focus on finishing your masters degree to the best of your ability then it is something to seriously consider. Something that really helped me decide to leave my job was writing down a list of pros and cons of leaving work. I ended up realising that there would be a lot more positives for me if I was to leave.

In regards to approaching your bosses, I think just being honest about everything is all you can do. At the end of the day nobody can force you to stay in your job. Make a decision and stick to it. If your bosses are the type of people that are not understanding of what you are going through then they are probably not the sort of people you want to be working for anyways right? It is a hard situation and I understand how debilitating it can be as I went through the same. I wish you the best of luck

CJ

[Hollywould261]

Hi PamelaR,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I do find it's the "what ifs" that tend to keep me up at night and make my brain spiral out of control as you experienced. I think my biggest problem in approaching the situation with work is that they are always planning 6 months ahead for conferences etc. that I do a lot of the work on so I feel a sense of "I need to get this done" (or started) before I leave.

I've also taken a lot of time off work to try and cope with the mental and physical stresses I've been experiencing and this was something my boss highlighted as being a bit of an issue, another reason I don't fully believe they are entirely supportive with my studies and the way I'm feeling. How did you approach the resignation discussion with your boss?

Thanks!

Hollywould261

[Hollywould261]

Hi CJ,

Thanks for your response. It's really helpful to know I'm not the only person with these thoughts and struggles and that people like you are willing to share their advice.

I'll have to try the pros and cons list out and see what I come up with. I've started one in my head every time I have a panic attack or start feeling stressed but never write them down so maybe this will help me visualise things a bit better.

How long did you wait before approaching your boss? I'm worried because I still have a few months left on my contract that if I approach this too early there might be more drama than necessary?

Thanks,

Hollywould261

[CJ1998]

Hi HollyWould,

My boss was aware that the reason I was taking time off of work because of my anxiety and after about a month of not working I had to make the decision of either returning to work or resigning. I was at a point where I felt like I couldn't even go back there as it raised so much anxiety so I ended up calling my boss and resigning over the phone.

As my circumstances were probably a bit different to yours I resigned effective immediately but my boss was very understanding and wished me the best as she was aware of my situation.

Is your work fully aware of the situation you are in? If you want to resign and focus on your studies I would let them know asap as you generally should give them two weeks notice when resigning in an ideal situation.

Remember that this is your decision and nobody can make you stay in a job that is making you feel stressed and overwhelmed. I had lots of anxiety in the days leading up to making the decision to resign, but once I had finally made that decision there was a sense of relief as it was over with, I could not go back on the decision i made and it was time to focus on my studies.

CJ