Anxiety about eloping

[Dagony]

Hello

For a few years I've had fear that god will throw my worst fears at me if I did sex before marriage so I waited

However me and my partner eloped last Friday,we had our parents blessing and did it cause we wanted to wait for my mother to be full health after battling a sickness before we did a big celebration. So we decided to elope for now with a magistor of the court

However I have anxiety that it doesn't count as marriage to god and it's man made some how

Thank you for reading

[smallwolf]

Hi Dagony,

welcome to beyond blue.

firstly, I want you to know that I am a practicing Anglican (I go to church) and a parish administrator. But I hope there is nothing bad in my response to you...

regardless of where you get married the celebrant has to meet certain requirements. Secondly, not too many people will get married in a church these days preferring a civil ceremony. There can be other issues with getting married in a church that I won't go into here.

You sound like you are quite a religious person. And you are also trying to be a good person according your faith. That's fine. But this matter sounds a little confusing for you? Trying to understand your feelings for another person vs what you have been told or taught. So challenging your understanding or reflecting on this can a good thing.

In the topic you are writing about here there are no real easy answers. To get more serious on the topic, I would go so far as to say that God looks into your heart to see what sort of person you are. Perhaps you could tell me more about your beliefs and how it impact here?

Tim

[Dagony]

I wouldn't say I'm a religion person but my anxiety fear is that sex before marriage is a sin

I read that marriage by the law of the government counts as marriage for god but does that count for Australia?

My anxiety enjoys finding ways to start an argument about the topic unfortunately

[smallwolf]

Can you please tell me about your beliefs in this matter?

[Dagony]

I believe there is a god but I don't think anyone knows anything beyond that

But I had a panic attack and some how it went to no sex before marriage

[Elizabeth CP]

I believe God is a God of love. The commandments are there for our benefit & that of others. Imagine what it would be like if we all thought it was OK to lie or steal or kill each other.Even waiting to have sex until after marriage is there so we can build a relationship first & trust each other. I certainly want my husband to be faithful to me & I'm glad I don't have to worry about him comparing me to other previous partners. I accept others think differently. As for your marriage from what you have said it was performed legally so it is a true marriage. As Smallwolf mentioned God sees our heart so he knows that you avoided a large wedding because of your mum's health. That is the act of a caring person which I believe God wants us to be.

I suspect it is your anxiety talking when you think God is waiting to punish you with terrible things if we do the wrong thing. Yes there are consequences for our actions but the only consequence I can see from your action is a grateful mother for you considering her needs and a loving partner you can live with for the rest of your lives as husband & wife.

If you still feel concerned I would reach out to your GP to get a referral for counselling to deal with your anxiety & unhelpful thoughts. You don't deserve the pain they are giving you

[Dagony]

Yeah I read that marriage by law is fine

I read that,marriage by the government law is a marriage in god's eye unless the government's law goes against god

so my anxiety worries if Australia's law goes against god's in anyway

[Lady_Nova]

I am assuming you said vows? Remember those vows and ask yourself "Did I mean it? Am I living according to those vows and respecting my marriage partner according to those vows?" If your answer is yes, then you are meeting the requirements of a faithful, dutiful and respectful wife, both in the eyes of the country, and of God.

In Australia a lot of faith guidance goes into the marriage act as we don't have great separation of church and state, so I think you can safely lay to rest these particular fears. All you have left to do is have a party and enjoy marriage.

[Dagony]

I meant every word 🙂

Do we have to have a party for it to matter?

Yeah long as in god's eyes we are married

[Lady_Nova]

no you dont have to have a party. Marriage is just between two people. Traditions vary, but so long as the two of you are firmly committed and have made vows you intend to keep, that is all that matters. Most of our wedding traditions are not that old so dont think it means your are less married if you do it your way.