Accepting long term or permanent disability or is it giving up?

[Maureen]

There are a few threads around about acceptance however I didn't want to hijack them with what I am struggling with.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, along with polyarthritis. Throughout these forums it is reiterated numerous times that once we accept our condition it can be easier to bear. I am trying to accept this new reality, the ups and downs, too many tears, too many aches and pains and the inability to work in any capacity. I thought I had started well, returning to simplistic activities I enjoyed, some contact with remaining friends and family, physical activities I am still able to be involved in, and enjoying my menagerie of 2 cats and 2 dogs. Then I went to my 6 weekly psychiatric visit.

I told her I now believed I wouldn't work again, but I had found a semi content state. She was not happy. Said I was too negative, I'd given up, I needed to get back on drugs and start seeing a psychologist. Hmmm, so much for thinking I'd finally found my happy place. 

Back to too many tears, never ending negative thoughts, increasing aches and pains, withdrawing into myself. I agreed to seeing a psychologist she recommended, psychiatrist agreed to 6 week trial of natural anxiety medications, but didn't think they would work and I needed to realise I obviously needed drugs.

So what is acceptance and what is giving up? I'm 55, can only walk for an hour or so before sitting down, cannot organise anything without activating major anxiety, have no idea when tears will come, and have lost concentration abilities and a lot of logical thinking unless given lots of time to work things out. I'm mostly happy with some companionship, and doing simplistic things at home. How is that giving up?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thank you. Maureen

[Maureen]

Thank you pipsy, that definitely put a smile on my face. Must have been horrible for you though.

When I was first married we were trying to decide if we wanted kids, leaning to the not. But whoops along came my daughter. After a couple of years we decided she needed a sibling as we don't have much family in Australia. Along came my son. They are now best mates. We all live in same city. They are both such a good support for me. I'm very lucky. And they hang out together a lot, having similar interests.

Time to pick up sister from bus stop. Wish me luck.

[pipsy]

Best wishes my friend. I know you'll get through. If you start feeling as though it's getting too much, think of me with the 'bed bugs', believe me there's nothing worse. I wouldn't tell your sister, although, on second thoughts she may decide to leave early. Just kidding. Hope you get through your day or so till she goes. You are more than welcome to get back here for support anytime.

[Dexy]

Hi Maureen I'm on disability pension and suffer from depression and anxiety too. I was very ill for 10yrs thought I would never work again, but after a operation I felt a little better, I was so lonely and alone, even living with my 20yr old son, he hardly ever talked to me, so doing something became really important for me, plus I needed a little extra money because money was a huge anxiety for me. I found a disability employment agency to help me get work I could do that wouldn't do me any harm and help my employer. Well after appearing normal most of the time and having massive anxiety/panic attacks extreme highs and lows I finally got a part time job. If you think work will help you then go for it, it will be different from what you're used to, but it's a way to get out of my own head. It hasn't made my life it's not all rainbows and sunshine unfortunately, I must admit I thought it would do more for my emotion and anxiety, but I'm taking it a day at a time and trying to find a balance like yo had before you spoke to the psych, maybe it might pay you to try and find another one that understands you better, you have to shop around sometimes to find the right person to help you. I wish you well and hope what ever you do makes you happy and healthy

[Maureen]

Hello pipsy,house is my own again. Even though it was hard having her here it's also hard to see her go. It'll be years til I see her again. Took your advice and didn't apologise and trying to convince myself there is nothing to apologize for. Now to get the anxiety under control. I hope you have a great weekend.

Hello dexy, thanks for your post. You've done very well getting yourself out to a job even when you're not 100percent. I'm not ready to work as yet. Hopefully some day.

[pipsy]

Hi, nice to hear from you. Good one not apologizing. Nothing to feel sorry for. What would you have to apologize for, being you. Told you, you'd miss her now she's gone. Will you be keeping in touch? The best way to relax is deep breathing exercises, a nice walk, if possible. Maybe read a good book, enjoy some mind numbing t.v, comedies. Try getting together with your kids, you have a wonderful rapport with them. You and your daughter enjoy some time together. I have church Sunday, not getting much out of it though. The way the church operates is, the wife should 'kowtow' keep husband as he is 'head' honcho. They know I'm separated, I've been told by our minister, it's up to me to try harder. I have taken to saying 'anything you say', then doing my own thing. My daughter says tell them nothing, take them nowhere. Her and my ex (her stepfather) were red rag to a bull, so when I left, she almost threw a 'coming out' party. We're getting closer because she's pleased I'm free. You should celebrate your 'coming out' too. You're starting to accept what you can and can't do. That's 'coming of age' in my books. Have a great weekend.

[pipsy]

Hi Maureen. Just wanted to touch base, see how you're going? Hope you're not having too much trouble with the polyarthritis. Have you heard from your sister?I've had an interesting day, put another rinse through my hair. Last time I did it, I didn't leave it in long enough. Hopefully this time, it'll 'take' better. Heard from my ex last night. He wants to take me out for tea tonight. Told him I had other plans, needless to say he 'spat'. He went to the Dr's the other day, got told he has to lose weight etc. Wants me to help, I nearly said ask 'mummy', just caught my self. My daughter reckons I should've. Church tomorrow, thinking of giving it a miss, but enjoy the fellowship, so will go. Usually get home just before lunch. Take care. I'm thinking of you, hope you're okay.

[Maureen]

Hello pipsy, yeah I'm ok. Thanks for asking. My daughter hosted my granddaughter s 2nd b'day yesterday. Hard going for me as the ex and his parents were there. Plus my sister. Anyway I actually had a good time. Totally stressed going there but once there just let myself enjoy the grandbaby. Had heaps of fun dancing with her, watching her exclaim over the presents, yes, even the clothes. So feeling pretty good today. This afternoon say goodbye to sister. Once that's over hopefully can keep the up feeling.

My goodness your ex has a lot of nerve asking you to help him with the weight loss. I too wish you had told him to go to mommy. It is hard being nasty to the ex though.

I stopped church years ago. My ex blames me for losing his faith. Hmmm, ok then.I just rolled my eyes at him. Unfortunately I have maintained the guilt the church pounds into your brain. I'm glad though that you enjoy the fellowship, big bonus.

Hope you enjoy your day.