Acceptance

[Here2Talk]

Acceptance.... It is at the core of a lot of psychological malaise, particularly anxiety. It is needed everywhere, yet there is no straightforward way of finding it.

Our body and our mind are often caught up in a tangle, conspiring against the better people we are trying to become.

I don’t know exactly where I’m going with this, but if I may, I’ll illustrate with an example. This long weekend I’ve been doing a little bit of catching up on all the things I feel like I should be doing. Cooking my family brekky, Studying for uni, trying to fix things around the house, clean up the house, take the kids downtown to play at maccas, sitting with the kids in the trampoline because I realised I “haven’t been fully present enough in spending time with them this weekend, making my wife supper....

In the process of being busy doing stuff all weekend, I’ve done absolutely nothing for myself- exercise, meditate, even drink enough water or eat properly.

It’s hard to even focus on why I’m disappointed on myself when I have done little bits of everything to make life better for myself and those around me; yet it doesn’t feel like enough. So 9:30 rolls around and I think: I really want to go to bed (I have to get up no later than 5:30 for work tomorrow). Yet I feel this pang of regret. I focus intently on myself as if I was observing myself and say “what if I could go to bed?”. I say to my wife “should I feel like a failure? Cause if you think I should then I will”. She says no.....

I was just being funny (or trying anyway). But I had already decided it was alright. I had “accepted” that I deserve to go to bed, even though I wanted to get much more done... It was a truly good feeling.

I imagined writing this post, full of pride.. But as I hopped into bed and opened the BB forums, I realised how transitory it all was, and how fragile acceptance is - and how deceptively (and swiftly) non-acceptance can creep back in.

I was basically compelled to write this to be accepted... by myself.

Not sure what you will get out of this post, but if anything does resonate with you I’d love to hear it!

What things in your life our yourself so you find it hard to accept? How do you do it?

[Petal22]

Acceptance to me is accepting myself for my past present and future....for all those things transform our growth into who we are today..

When I was first diagnosed with OCD I wouldn’t accept it.... I remember saying to my psychiatrist “ I don’t want it” it was hard for me to accept it because I was so fearful of it....

once I learned to accept what I had was the moment I could learn to overcome it .... 😊

in a way acceptance creates a space for being just as we are 😊

[Guest_342]

Loved your post. Acceptance - just reading the word makes me feel like a huge load comes of my shoulders. It's a reminder that we cannot control everything and, even if it's uncomfortable, we just have to sit with the feeling an accept it sometimes. I often forget this. One example I can think of, which I often struggle with, is letting myself commit fully to a relationship and take a leaps of faith despite the many unknowns. I may never meet anyone who is perfect for me - maybe such people don't exist for anyone - but I need to let life take its path and love and be loved. At 36 I am yet to find love because I have tried to control my life too much - what if he doesn't do this, what if he does that, what if.... what if....

And acceptance that I am doing my very best at work and that I produce good work. Acceptance that my new team leader my never fully click with me personality-wise, but this doesn't stop me from doing good work and loving what I do. We can like and be liked by everyone.

Thanks so much for this timely reminder!

Best wishes.

[Here2Talk]

A german psychoanalyst Karen Horney came up with a term Last century, I think it was tyranny of the should/shoulds.... The psychoanalysts came up with some weird stuff but some of it cuts right to the core of the human condition - such as this tyranny of the shoulds...

The phenomenon runs counter to acceptance. And I feel like somewhere balanced perfectly between the two is where contentment lies. Because it’s great to be accepting, but sometimes you do need to make your bed, clean the house... Sometimes you need to take care of yourself and let go.... I have a strange relationship with acceptance. Struggling with it is what keeps me motivated to push ahead with everything that begs attention in my life.

I feel like there is big-acceptance (accepting you had OCD) and micro-acceptance (accepting and “truly believing” that I deserve to go to bed). I wish it was easy to know when to accept when it’s good for you, and when to soldier on with whatever problem/s you’re trying to solve - because we will never solve them all, they are in an infinite supply...

[Here2Talk]

I hope it brought comfort to you Gelati 🙂 as another post I just out in this thread says - it’s hard to know when to accept. Because blindly accepting everything isn't a great strategy. Plus, with our brains that evolved to give us language and thought, we are basically wired to fix things, which is the opposite of acceptance.. I do think that most of us need to accept - particularly ourselves - a lot more.

I hope work is pleasant enough for you, and that you find love Gelati

[Guest_342]

Thank you so much for your lovely message!