About to meet the source of my PTSD aka my narcissistic parent, am really anxious about what to do

[Bonisnothappy]

unfortunately, this is an inevitable meeting, and they would never take my mental health seriously. 

I am doing all these plannings in my head to avoid getting more trauma but like always my dad is a professional trauma maker if he thinks I'm living a happy life he must point out something to make me look miserable. I am kinda planning to make him shut his mouth by making up a story I don't know what I am talking about but I basically want to put myself into a role that will make him shut up and stop criticizing and stop visiting me. 

Any advice on dealing with narcissistic people? much thanks. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Bonisnothappy,

I’m sorry your having to deal with seeing your narcissist parent….

I think you should be proud of yourself,  for who you are and all you’ve achieved…if your father tries to down you by making remarks to make you feel miserable, then maybe just tell him that you’re happy with your life and you don’t need to hear his comments…

In my own opinion…making up stories to try to impress him, to keep him quiet would be very hard to do…because the story you made up will be something that you will always need to remember…and probably won’t keep him from making mean comments to you anyway….

Stay true to yourself Dear Bonisnothappy….it’s your life….maybe set some boundaries right from the start..tell him that if he wants to be a part of your life he needs to respect you and your life choices….he needs to keep his opinions to himself….and he respects your life the way you choose to live it…

My kindest thoughts are with you, with my care..

Grandy..

[Fiatlux]

Hi Bonisnothappy,

I my case my Mother is the narcissistic parent, however this affected my relationship with my late Father. My Mother is still living but I have had no contact with her in over 10 years. It's better that way.

I am 1 of 4 children and following my Father's funeral service, a family friend commented to my Mother that she was fortunate to have 4 wonderful children, to which my Mother remarked, 2 Children would have been enough. I was present during this conversation and I asked my Mother, which 2 Children did she want. Needless to say, I and my eldest sister have cut our Mother out of our lives. Enough was Enough.

I did avoid my parents interrogations while my father was alive and I answered their questions with short answers or told them that my life was none of their business. They would ask things like, how much money I earned. Just so they could brag to their circle of friends. 

I don't know whether you have siblings or whether your mother is in your life, but you need to stand up to your Dad somehow. If he is truly narcissistic, then he will deny his negativity and continue. Neither of my parents ever gave me praise or made positive comments about me or to me... 

Don't allow your dad to visit you in your home and maybe meet your dad on neutral ground so you can up and leave if you need to. Meet him in park somewhere. Good Luck!

[ecomama]

Hey Bon, this is a really difficult situation considering this person is at the root of PTSD! 

I agree with the suggestion of meeting on neutral ground. 
I would even suggest a Shopping Centre where his behaviour is more likely (we'd hope) to be restrained. 

I think it's difficult to remain in a relationship with a narc once you know this. 
You can Google things such as "Going Low Contact" when No Contact is not on the table atm. 

I wouldn't share ANY THING you know they'll throw back in your face. 
Make up as many stories as you wish but remember the verse "What a tangled web we weave..."
I wouldn't do that. 

MY LIFE is no one's business, I mean NO ONE, unless I am willing to share it with someone. 
SOME people make this list. It certainly isn't my mother (who I'm NC with). 
People you KNOW who have your back. 

Nothing can make people like this shut up and stop criticising others unless they figure they'll LOSE something precious to them aka money, reputation etc. 
"Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" is a good read. 
They are manipulative personalities as you've learnt. 

Best wishes and let us know how you got on! 
Love EM

[MandyMoo67]

Hi Bon 

Some great advice here for you. Something  I did with my father was I wrote a letter telling him how his behaviour has effected my life and the whole families life. The issues we have all stemmed from how he's treated each one of us. Maybe do the visit try and keep it simple then when you have had enough give him the letter and leave. What you say to him is up to you but this way he can't interrupt you and if he rings straight away don't answer. Let him think about it for awhile but you get to leave having your day at the end. Good luck