25 and don't have 1 close friend - social anxiety

[Rubygirlx]

Is it normal to be 25 and not have any close friends? I have always been an outsider ever since high school and the older I get the worse it has become. It's so hard for me to talk to people and connect with them. I automatically feel that whatever I am saying is just stupid and then I just end up tripping on my words, it's so embarrassing. I find it so hard to fit in with a new group and just find myself staying quiet.

I have an extroverted boyfriend and he is great but sometimes it just makes me sad when I see him and all his groups of friends. I get sad because I think I never have felt that loved and support by a group of people.

any tips or ideas on how to overcome this?

[Banksy92]

Hey Rubygirlx,

Sorry to hear you've been feeling disconnected, sounds like you've been going through a lot.

I can totally relate to this feeling. I've always had trouble holding onto friendships long-term because of my anxieties but desperately crave more close friendships. At that exact same age I was feeling this way too.

I think for me the most helpful thing was getting some help to manage my anxiety from a psychologist. It really helped me in a few different ways. It gave me strategies to cope and reduce my anxiety, it helped me explore those parts of myself and my behaviour and it gave me more self-confidence.

Is this something you've explored before or would consider? It can also be helpful to just have another person in our corner we can connect with and share our feelings, particularly if you're feeling lonely.

The other thing that comes to mind is maybe looking at community groups to try and meet new people? Not sure where you are based, with lockdowns this might be something you look at when things open up, but if you have interests or hobbies you could look for meet ups connected to them to try and connect and meet people like you.

We're always here to talk on the forums if when you need to as well - it's a great space to connect with people and work through things with the support of others.

Hope this helps

[Adalaide]

Hi!

First, I just want to say that I am so proud of you for having the courage to share your thoughts and ask for advice; I know how difficult that can be.

I also want to make it clear that you are far from being alone in the way you feel. You needn’t feel strange or as though you’re an outcast just because you struggle to make connections with people.

I have no doubt that you will make friends and create those meaningful bonds with people over time when you have some strategies in place to help you heal from your anxieties. In order to work out those strategies I really recommend seeing a psychologist as it is imperative to finding feasible and long-lasting solutions to the way you feel.

Another thing I have taught myself is that there is never going to be one person who is able to do everything for you; you may have one friend who you can talk to about anything, another who is able to do spontaneous things with you and more who can fulfil different aspects of your life until you have a “full cup”.

I really hope the best for you.