topic How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide? in Grief and loss

How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?

beyoncebooty — Thu, 31 Jul 2014 08:35:33 GMT

I lost my 19 year old brother in Feb this year, I'm notbsure how to celebrate his birthday/ death day.

Does anyone have any ideas or struggled with a happy way to celebrate?

How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?

AGrace — Sat, 02 Aug 2014 10:51:18 GMT

Hi bb,

Sorry for your loss. My first boyfriend was just 20 when he committed suicide. Its such a shame when we lose someone so young. I can imagine the days since have been more than tough for you.

Did your brother have a group of friends? Do you have family?

1 idea would be to spend the day with his friends and family doing something he enjoyed or was passionate about.

Another idea could be to get together with friends and family and host a party with the aim of fund raising. Beyondblue might be your organisation of choice and there are details on their website as to how to go about this. You might also consider Lifeline or another charity (if he loved animals then maybe an organisation affiliated with them).

Perhaps you'd prefer to do something on your own. In this case you could visit a place that you and he liked to go.

I guess you know your brother better than anyone, what sort of celebration would he have liked to have had if he was still here?

AGrace

How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?

Neil_1 — Mon, 04 Aug 2014 02:16:20 GMT

Dear BeyonceBooty

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. Feb this year is still very fresh and all the feelings and days would be still extremely raw for you.

I lost my brother in a drowning accident in 1991, and it still affects me - I guess cause I was with him at the time.

But for me, the things I did, in particular on the day of his death was to get out some of his favourite music and play that. I also cracked a few beers as the time came towards the actual time of his death - it was mid-arve - and so I would have his music on and drink to my mate.

I don't live near where he's buried, but I know my mum would go out to the cemetery on his birthday as well and put flowers down etc.

Perhaps your brother had a favourite place he might have liked to go, a coffee shop or a restaurant - if so, perhaps a few of you could go along and have a quiet meal or coffee together. The only downside of doing something like that is that you're out in the open and it's not a private moment.

I do hope I've been able to give you something that may assist - or that I've said something that might trigger an idea for you. But speaking from personal experience, it's going to be very tough - emotional and I hope that you have other support for you as well.

Speaking on that, if you feel that you've got things you'd like to unload with or just to ask any questions, etc, there are amazing people on here with experience and knowledge who can reply to you. But on here, above all else, it's just a wonderful supportive network/community.

I do hope you can get back to us.

Kind regards

Neil

How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?

beyoncebooty — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 12:22:33 GMT

Thank you AGrace and Neil.

I have been thinking about it since I have posted and made a friend with someone I have met previously - her son committed suicide so I've had a big chat with her about her experience.

I have spoken to my dad and we have decided on a birthday memorial party. We are holding it on the night before (which is a Friday) so we can have the Saturday morning to grieve as just a family and then the afternoon we can part ways and grieve with our partners/kids. We will be visiting his space in the cemetery.

My brother was very popular and we have a big family so I am expecting over 100 people, we are doing dinner/drinks, having the photo slideshow I used at the funeral, and going to go through some home videos and make a mini movie from that to show on the night.

I am going to organise donations for beyond blue (we actually did it for his funeral too and raised over $800.00!!!!) I am going to organise a balloon release as well and of course there will be a cake. The place we are holding his dinner is actually the place we held his wake.

I have put a lot of thought into this over the last week and a bit!! I wanted it to be a happy occasion so it will be kept light all night.

Thanks for your suggestions. I would love to hear more as I have plenty more birthdays to celebrate for him and also the anniversary of his passing which I am dreading.