topic anixeity on the edge all the time in Grief and loss

anixeity on the edge all the time

smith — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 02:45:31 GMT

i am always on the edge with anxiety i think people are against me all the time and i shut my self off from the world at

times i am the only child i am living with 2 aging parents i am 45,and i love them so much i will miss them and i worry about what my life will be without them and i worry about having to speak at the the service which people keep saying i have to do

which twists my thinking as i know it would be much for me to stand up and do i am to shy and emotional person to speak on the day i keep thinking people with judge me and think i am weak if i dont speak etc i keep annoying friends about it all the time and alway ringing people for their specialist advice and i cant seem to shake this problem

anixeity on the edge all the time

JessF — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 03:36:23 GMT

Hi smith, do you have any cousins? I'm not an only child but I have a brother who died when I was very young, so it is just me and my parents now. I too wonder what it will be like when one or both of them passes, but I have cousins that I know I can call on just as they called on me when they lost their parents. The other thing is that if your parents are anything like mine they'll have planned meticulously for when they pass. Have a talk with them and say you're worried about losing them and ask what plans have been made for when the time comes; I know its an awful conversation to have but it will reassure you. The family funerals I have been to, the funeral homes have been wonderful in providing support, as does the church if your family is religious.

anixeity on the edge all the time

smith — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 04:27:21 GMT

hi jess i do have counsin but we dont have much to do with them,my parents havent planned anything i have spoken to them about things they say leave all the speaking to the celebrant thats what they are there for,my family is non religious

anixeity on the edge all the time

JessF — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 05:02:00 GMT

Hi smith, well that is true, you can leave all the speaking to the celebrant if you wish. Some people find it tough to speak in public at any time let alone when they are grieving. What will happen in that circumstance is that the celebrant will sit down with you and have a chat about the person who has passed and ask you some questions about their life so they can write the eulogy. If you wish you can write something yourself to be read out.

I think because this is such a source of anxiety for you that it would be worth talking to your parents again and maybe doing a bit of research on the internet about 'funeral planning'. If you can even reduce things down to having some numbers that you know to call when the time comes, that will probably help a lot.

What about friends, both family friends of your parents and of your own that will be able to support you?

anixeity on the edge all the time

giggles — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 20:46:24 GMT

Hey Smith

It is always a concern thinking about parents dieing and because you have brought it up for yourself perhaps it may be a good time to start making friends so it will be easier for when it happens. Joining a social group is always a good thing.

You do not have to say anything at the funeral if you are not comfortable with that at all the funeral homes will have that covered for you if you like.they will discuss it with you at the time.

Now thank heavens you do not know when this is actually going to happen or who is going to go first none of us know this fact at all. My mother died of cancer and my dad died 18 mths later I come from a huge family but that did not make it any better for losing them the way we did. So I understand why you are fretting but I hope you can prepare something now for yourself with friends so it will help when you need it.

Did you know a person in a large family can be lonely.

all the best

Giggles

anixeity on the edge all the time

smith — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 11:58:26 GMT

Mum and dad don't have friends really I have a few friends about 5 so it most likely be low key