topic Losing my sister in Grief and loss

Losing my sister

Gem17 — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 07:53:39 GMT

I lost my sister 6 years ago now. She ended her life which was devastating. A part of me feels like I should be 'over it' by now because it has been so many years. But I don't think I've ever allowed myself to process or grieve the loss. I jumped straight back into work after her funeral and haven't been able to talk about her with anyone. I'm wondering if it will ever hurt less when I think about her...

Losing my sister

mmMekitty — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 08:29:51 GMT

Hi again, Gem17,

Losing your sister like that is a major blow, & I'm guessing, you were close to her. Grief takes it's own time. &, jumping back into work may seem like a good idea at the time, but I think it only delays when you will grieve.

Let her into your thought, hold her there. & feel whatever you feel. Take some time to do that, but remember there are no fixed rules for grieving.

& at some point, I hope you find it in your heart to honour he.

mmMekitty

Losing my sister

Gem17 — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 08:40:46 GMT

Thank you for your response again!

Losing her that way was definitely hard. We lived together and were quite close. She had her own battles with her mental health but losing her was still a major shock and devastation. Jumping straight back into work was probably not the greatest idea but I think at the time it was all I could do to keep going. It stopped me from believing it really happened and from that point on, I've just kind of continued to push it all away. I don't know why I'm now struggling so much with it, especially after all these years.

I think about her all the time, every day. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could talk to about her. About how guilty I feel, how much I miss her and even about the good times we had together.

Losing my sister

mmMekitty — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 09:43:15 GMT

You can do all that here. 😸

There is also a forum for people to talk about Loss & Grief

Six years is six years. There is no 'too long' or 'too short about it' Everyone processes losses & grief each in their own time & way. There are no 'right' or 'wrong' ways of doing it.

I did come to understand, being able to push things aside is unsustainable. Things do have a way of coming out, sometimes in very unexpected way. I think the harder I try to push something away, the more it seems to become a battle, & so becomes tiring & frustrating, & causes me much anger & pain. & it wold've been easier to accept what I had experienced & what I felt in the first place. I would have been easier on myself, many years ago.

For me, someone I grieve, I feel I will to some extent, be grieving for as long as I live. I don't think it's a bad thing, either. An amazing person had been in my life a while, had been the most important friend I have evr thought I might have, & was too young. But it was so complicated,... nothing I could do then, & nothing to do anymore. So, it still makes me sad. But not all the time, not overwhelming me when it does so much. It's better.

This is what happens over time when we learn to live with our losses. I do believe, you've got to feel & acknowledge the loss first, even as tempting as it would be to avoid.

mmMekitty

Losing my sister

geoff — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 16:46:42 GMT

Hello Gem, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your sister and if you are having difficulty talking to professionals after this time can be why you've written one of your other threads.

You can't get over this tragedy until you can express how you are feeling, holding it back will only include other problems along the way, so if you want to cry in front of someone may be a release for you.

Take care.

Geoff.

Losing my sister

Gem17 — Sun, 12 Dec 2021 02:58:34 GMT

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your response.

I definitely feel like not talking about it has caused other issues. But I also don't know how to talk about it or who to talk about it with.