topic Re: Should I ? Not sure in Grief and loss

Help missing him

Renie — Thu, 04 Jun 2026 07:15:18 GMT

Hi my partner passed away 2 months ago we separated 8 weeks prior . He did have me as next kin and a photo of me in his wallet and us on his bedside table .

i have since discovered he cheated on me last year . Which has been heartbreaking . I still love and miss him .

Re: Help missing him

melodica — Thu, 04 Jun 2026 07:27:13 GMT

I’m so sorry. Losing someone you still love is hard enough, and finding out about the cheating on top of that adds another layer of hurt and confusion. It makes sense that you miss him and feel heartbroken at the same time. Both things can be true.

Please be gentle with yourself while you carry all of this.

We are here to support you if you need to chat.

Re: Help missing him

Renie — Thu, 04 Jun 2026 09:12:47 GMT

Thank you so much . It’s only been two months and I was the one who had to decide to turn off his life support . I met him four years ago today and have been crying . I truly loved him x

Re: Help missing him

melodica — Thu, 04 Jun 2026 09:25:15 GMT

I am so sorry. Having to make the decision to turn off his life support is an unimaginable weight to carry, and two months is no time at all.

It makes complete sense that today, on the anniversary of the day you met, you are in tears. Your love for him is so clear, and it is valid to mourn that deeply.

If you need to talk to someone right now, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available on 1300 22 4636 or online at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support. You can also call Griefline on 1300 845 745.

I am really glad that you reached out to share this today. Please remember that we are here to provide support too, and you are always welcome to keep talking to us here whenever you need a safe space.

Re: Help missing him

Renie — Thu, 04 Jun 2026 10:24:33 GMT

Thank you I really appreciate that . We did say we love you in our final moments . It’s been hard discovering he cheated and kept a secret and deceptive side . But I also know he gone now and in time will

learn how to focus on our good memories instead

How do you move on ?

Renie — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 02:02:57 GMT

my ex partner passed away 2 months ago we separated not long before . We said I love you in his final Moments .
i found out some secrets and deception after he passed.
Plus two very close female connections which i had no idea how close .
how do I deal with that ? Thank you
I still miss and love him

Re: How do you move on ?

white knight — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 05:22:04 GMT

Hi, welcome

Grief is different for everyone and different timeframes before you begin to rise above it.

Finding out deception after his passing would have been very disappointing but lets face it, nobody is perfect and we dont know what he was thinking but what we do know he must have had some decency to be with you as a partner, warts and all. He also might not have know these other women for very long.

I call this "the benefit of the doubt" plus for 2 months not being together he was free to conduct his life as he pleased. For what its worth I had a bad year in 2021 when 7 family members of school friends passed away and most of them I had questions unanswered. It is tough but I maintain that knowing the good in people is the right thoughts.

So getting over grief isnt easy but we can-

Grow a plant or garden in their honour
Write stories or poetry
Set aside a time once a week to go through photos etc without distraction
Talk to people

I hope you're ok. Reply anytime

"To grieve means you loved, to have loved you had to have a heart..that speaks volumes about you.." (TonyWK)

TonyWK

Re: How do you move on ?

Renie — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 08:06:54 GMT

Thank you I will remember the good times. He actually cheated whilst we were together . And it’s hard as was with his close female friend . But I have blocked her now .

Re: How do you move on ?

Renie — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 08:08:32 GMT

Sorry to hear you had a bad year on 2021 . He still had a photo of me in his wallet and us as a couple on his bedside table . Thanks again

Re: How do you move on ?

white knight — Sun, 07 Jun 2026 04:32:45 GMT

If this helps-

Being a male has meant I've had not different testosterone levels than any other male. As a young male although I never cheated on a partner there were times that I was tempted. The sexual drive of some men is extraordinarily high and with some relationships its just too hard for them to stay monogamous.

The fact he had your photo in his wallet tells this guy that he loved you and only you. The others? simply physical acts.

It will be hard to recover but I'm certain you will. As soon as you feel the time is right, dont feel guilty to date and take things slow. There are good guys out there that didnt choose wisely for a good partner. They are ready to find someone genuine.

Like you

TonyWK

Re: How do you move on ?

Renie — Sun, 07 Jun 2026 06:47:21 GMT

Thanks so much I really appreciate your advice . I know he loved me . Thanks again

Should I ? Not sure

Renie — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 10:35:48 GMT

Hi I met a guy online. I guess I’m using it to distract myself as I lost someone I loved dearly 3 months ago.

He is a guy that wants to come back to my place for a one night stand . I don’t feel comfortable bringing a stranger into my home if I don’t know them. Than he suggested a hotel room and go 50/50 in the cost.

I told him my heart still belongs to the guy I just lost 3

Months ago. Should I block this guy ?

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Venus888 — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 11:12:13 GMT

Hi Genie,
I’m sorry for your loss, I wish healing and peace for your heart.
I think if you are feeling pressured by this man, and deep down you know it’s not the kind of arrangement you are seeking, maybe it is the right decision to block him.

You deserve connection and love but not at the sacrifice of your wellbeing and safety. The right people will make you feel calm and comfortable and respect your boundaries. Maybe you could suggest to meet in a public place? And enjoy a nice meal, if you feel it could be a helpful distraction.

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Renie — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 11:42:26 GMT

Thank you for kind words and advice. I suggested a coffee but he wants to do that and catch up in his car ?

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Renie — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 12:47:18 GMT

Thanks I have blocked and deleted his number

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Croix — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 13:36:24 GMT

Dear Renie~

Welcome back, and I'm sorry for the loss of your ex. I would feel that there was nothing much to be gained by having a one night stand with someone who is only interested in sex and not you as a person.

I hate to be bunt but a stranger may carry various STDs or refuse safe sex. Can I suggest you take your time and get to know someone first? You are being pushed.

When you found out your ex had been unfaithful that hurt a lot which goes to show both your sensitivity and the fact you expect and need someone who loves you, holds you in high regard as a person and wants to look after you, the same as you do them.

I'm sure that will happen, you are too good a person for someone miss your character and you both wil have a chance.

Being propositioned to go to your house (wise of you to say no) or 50/50 in a hotel for night, is that what you want? How would you feel when you are alone again the next few days? It may even start to convince you all men are the same.

Loss and grief do not pass that quickly, and sometimes talking with someone who knows can be a help. Is there anyone, a family member or friend to talk with and support you. you, if not I'd suggest the Grief-line who may be able to assist?

Anytime you would like to come here to talk you will be welcome

Croix

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Venus888 — Wed, 17 Jun 2026 02:26:58 GMT

Hi Renie,

I think you made the right decision, it sounds like he was pushy.

You should be proud of yourself for trusting yourself and being in tune with your needs and boundaries, that is a strength 🙂

Be gentle with yourself and your heart right now, as Croix pointed out, loss & grief can take time to process. It has a cyclic nature and it is natural to cycle around the feelings and stages as you process the loss.

I find it helps me to engage in any hobbies or interests that I love and bring me joy. Your favourite movies, music, books, activities. You’re not alone, keep reaching out for support however feels right for you.

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Renie — Thu, 25 Jun 2026 11:48:59 GMT

Thanks for your kind words and advice . You’re right I’m dealing with grief and I still love my ex partner . I had a hard night tonight been crying tonight. It will take time but I’m not going to be forced or pressured by a guy . Thanks again x

Re: Should I ? Not sure

Renie — Thu, 25 Jun 2026 11:51:22 GMT

Thanks so much yes I was tempted as wanted to distract myself . But not a healthy way to do it . I had a hard night tonight keep crying about my love I lost but we were separated too . Than keep replaying he cheated which I found out after he passed . I Need to

move forward it will take time .

thanks for your advice

Missing my love and aunty

Renie — Thu, 25 Jun 2026 12:20:58 GMT

Hello I’m having a hard night tonight . I lost my love ( ex ) we separated 8 weeks before he passed a few months ago . We were still in contact and I loved him truly . I discovered he was cheating which I found after he passed.
than my aunty passed a month later .

i also have to deal with my nasty ex partner . Who said tonight sorry your partner passed but it’s karma for you .

i have spendt most the night crying and than replaying why my ex who passed cheated on me . He kept some secrets i didn’t know and had two very close female friendships.
I’m trying to move forward but tonight is hard

. advice and guidance appreciated .

thank you