topic Re: My life is an ongoing mess in Grief and loss

My life is an ongoing mess

D4rk — Thu, 21 May 2026 08:53:24 GMT

I can't seem to cop a break. For years I have had so much heartache and stress. But it's starting to really take an effect on me. My grandmother died a week ago. Ive been her carer for almost 10 years since my dad died. We had the funeral yesterday and we've just found out my step son is in jail on major chargers. I don't know how to deal with life at the moment. I dont know how to help my parnter navigate this situation. His kid is 22 but he's been a pain in the arse the last 14years. I just dont know what I'm meant to do with my life anymore.

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

smallwolf — Thu, 21 May 2026 11:29:13 GMT

hello and welcome to the forums.

First, I am sorry to hear about the death of your grandmother. Having cared for her for so long also shows how how much you loved her. With the funeral happening only yesterday, I hope you allow yourself some time to grieve the loss. And then to add to this, you also find out about your step son. It makes total sense that you feel overwhelmed and empty right now. Right now, you don’t have to figure out the rest of your life, and you don’t have to fix this situation for your partner or son. This might sound cruel, but I feel that you (anyone) cannot help anyone if you are running of fumes... You can still listen to your partner and provide support, however that looks to you. Please be gentle with yourself. Take it one moment at a time. Doing the bare minimum to take care of yourself right now is enough?

Listening

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

D4rk — Thu, 21 May 2026 23:01:54 GMT

I understand that just functioning daily is maybe enough for now. And maybe this has all happened now for a reason. But my lease is up in 2 months. So I have to move. I work within the same aged care building my gran was living. And I just dont know if I want to go back there. How do I make decisions, when there is so much going on

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

Zarak — Fri, 22 May 2026 00:36:46 GMT

I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. I think you should just accept the emotions as they come. Don't bottle them up, but yes you do need to put on a brave face when you're adulting (at work, or being around family and friends who might not understand what you're going through). Your gran has just past a week ago and it may take a while before the thoughts and feelings have slow dripped into some sort of resolution or sense. I haven't lost any parents, but when my last grandparent passed I thought I was okay until randomly a few months later it hit me hard at work (thankfully nobody was around). In her funeral, I tried hard to focus on the event as a celebration of life. As a workaholic, I focussed on work to get me through the day so I'm eating and sleeping right. Whatever you need to do to keep yourself on track, don't feel guilty about it, you need to take care of yourself and you're not dismissing her memory.

I agree with smallwolf, right now there's not much you can do about your step son. When you're ready you can start to be there for your partner again.

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

D4rk — Sat, 23 May 2026 03:04:17 GMT

My parnter is trying so hard to get me out of the house. Right now we are going to a lantern festival which sounds like it could be a good outlet to release my thoughts with a lantern. But all I can think even being in the car I feel like crying which I havent really done yet. I tried to go out yesterday and then couldn't face getting out of the car. What's wrong with me. Noone know me in this place. I'm not going to run into anyone I know. I could just pretend to get on with life

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

Zarak — Mon, 25 May 2026 06:33:15 GMT

Sorry for the late response, I hope you were able to step out, and if not, I hope you are able to allow your partner to help. Perhaps try meeting him halfway with agreeing with going along with the suggestion but let him know that you might not be very present. It's hard but you're trying. Go along with the next suggestion/event, don't set any expectations, but if something there does make you feel better then allow yourself to smile or laugh. It would be good for you to get some fresh air and you can still have your alone time later.

Re: My life is an ongoing mess

therising — Wed, 27 May 2026 23:20:58 GMT

Hi D4rk

I wish I could say something that makes everything so clear to you, I really do. I wish it was so clear that it could take away the pain, the sadness, the confusion, the stress, sense of disappointment and all the other overwhelming mixed emotions that you're feeling.

To say that making sense of the most challenging time in our life is hard is the understatement of the century. We can be left feeling like we'll never make sense of it all or at least most of it. Personally, I've found it takes time, an open mind (for much needed revelations to enter into) and it requires us to have love, patience and compassion for ourself. People to guide us through definitely helps.

I feel so deeply for you regarding your grandmother. With the first year anniversary of my mum's passing nearing (May 31st), I'm still trying to make complete sense of all the sudden overwhelming emotions that have come up occasionally over the past year. Not sure whether it's relatable for you but I've found that with the occasional outpouring of tears, it's about love in a different form on a whole new level. While I loved my mum with all my heart and soul and still do, it's at this time in my life that I've come to feel the depth of my true love for her. There is just so much love for her inside of me that it tends to drip from my eyes. It has to come out somewhere. It's so hard to manage the love we have for someone at times. As a carer for my mum in various ways (body, mind and soul), I understand how love is formed not only through coming to care for someone more but also through coming to know them on such a deep and soulful level like never before. Such love develops a part of us that can lead us to feel more than ever before. As we become more feeling or sensitive over time, we can begin to struggle with being able to feel or sense far more easily. A developing ability that can definitely feel like a curse at times.

With kindness, we should be able to say, 'I am a sensitive who is sensing, a feeler who is feeling', as opposed to asking ourself the question 'What's wrong with me?'. There is nothing wrong with us. The only thing wrong involves the fact that we haven't yet mastered such abilities. The undeniable push to better understand them and master them comes from no longer being able to tolerate the pain, stress etc we can feel through them.❤️