topic Re: Sophie in Grief and loss

Sophie

DolfinRock — Sat, 12 Oct 2024 23:04:27 GMT

Hi,

I’m 61 and alone as alone can be.
I live alone, have no friends and my entire family has disowned me because I’m, in their words “sick, depressed and boring”

I have spent the last 7 years confused and wondering if this is a dream.

I wasn’t always this person. I had a moderately ok life, money, all my family seemed to love me , a great job and appeared to have plenty of friends.

everything changed 7 years ago when my partner of 30 years left for someone else, this was followed by an accident that left me in hospital for 6 months and contracted an incurable bacteria and my illness/ disability, that I’ve lived with since age 21, got worse and became visually hideous. Of course I had to depend on the pension and finding a part time job. I have been to over 100 interviews but, I don’t think anyone would take a chance on me.

My siblings, who was also my best friend throughout life, walked away and gathered the rest of my very large family around her, along with her new BF, SIL, BIL, and other new connections and didn’t see me as good enough to fit in this new family structure.

I have spent endless days where they’re celebrating special occasions like my brother’s wedding, my mums milestone BD, as I sit staring at the sky with a crushed heart and tears in my eyes.

I’m trying to find my new life without all the people I loved and lived for but it’s hard.

I don’t fit in this world anymore and see it and the people in it as too good for me. I’m a burden, even to myself.

I have been a kind, good, empathetic person that’s given my all to anyone who needed me. I just can’t understand my life anymore and why or how it took this turn.

I hope to hear from you

Re: Sophie

Scared — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 04:24:14 GMT

Hello. What happened? Why has your family deserted you ? I can listen if you want to tell me more.

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 05:44:26 GMT

Hi,

thank you for reaching out.

I don’t know why. They just started pulling away and cut me out. My mum said that they think I’m too sick, depressed and boring. This was on the heels of my partner walking out then having the accident. I never in my dreams imagined that they would do this to me.

I’m grieving the proud and strong person that I once was. It’s been 7 years, I wonder when and if I can stop hurting and move on.

I now see myself as a slug crawling on the ground while others (anyone) looks down at me.

I’m so lost and so tired 😪

Re: Sophie

Scared — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 06:32:12 GMT

Im sorry family are treating you that way

You are not a slug. Your a human being that isnt having their needs met. I think when we carry depression for a long time it can become a habit. Have you any interests that you once did. I suffer from debilitating depression. And what im doing is doing a bit of work. I dont feel like doing it and it scares me. But i doing it in the hope it brings some meaning to my life. Perhaps now is the time to get back some hobby in your life and forcing yourself to do it. Can you talk to your mum about how you are feeling and how sad you are not being with the other members of the family. You are grieving and it could help you to have some professional to talk to Perhaps see your doctor for a mental health plan.. Your not alone , we here on beyond blue are always ready to listen to you. Let me know if you can think of a hobby you want to take up

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:48:21 GMT

You are very sweet and thank you!

I feel frozen and forgotten by everyone I ever knew. I tried talking to mum but she supports the majority. Everything is hopeless. I honestly think that I don’t belong here anymore. I

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:49:23 GMT

Why do you have depression and what type of work do you do?

Re: Sophie

Scared — Sun, 20 Oct 2024 23:23:35 GMT

Hello I have many things that i cant deal with . Loss of health no house girlfriend gone and im not adjusting to life in this city where I live. It has all crashed into depression. Im currently on sickness payment .

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 05:59:34 GMT

I honestly get it. Hearing your side of the story and knowing how similar it is to mine, makes me feel I’m not the only one.

do you feel like you’re not alive anymore and the the world is going on without you? people say it’s up to you to turn your life around but, when you’re so weighted with everything that’s happening, you simply don’t have the strength to get out of bed.

we need to hang in there and breathe through a straw and hope and wish things will turn around. I now know how scary this world can be when you’re all alone. I keep asking God if this is it or is there another chapter to my life…….hang in there, they say that when you hit rock bottom, then the only way is up 🌻

Re: Sophie

Scared — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 07:44:45 GMT

Yes the world is going on without me and im on the outer. Everything in the city is too fast too busy and too big for me to compete. But mostly i just miss my girl . Im tired of being afraid all the time.

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Tue, 22 Oct 2024 05:57:33 GMT

I’m sorry to hear that!
were you together for long and why did you break up?

Re: Sophie

ABC01 — Tue, 22 Oct 2024 09:02:46 GMT

Dear Dolpinrock,

I am really sorry to hear you are going through these difficult times and I empathise with you alot. I have anxiety,depression and ptsd. I feel like my life is just drifting every day.

I understand being overwhelmed and not being able to find roads out. I also understand that family dynamics can be heavy and often,if you don’t fit into what they want in a specific timeframe, they can back away. They don’t like the discomfort and it is easier for them to disassociate then to stay. They also may not know how to help or support you.

You have been through so much. It is understandable to be overwhelmed. I don’t have any friends either. And it is lonely. I understand loneliness.

You are incredibly resilient and brave to endure this,this long.

People in this world aren’t too good for you. Please don’t think this. You said it yourself,you’re kind,good and empathetic.

I am not going to sugar coat it. I don’t understand my life anymore either.

So you are not alone.

ABC01

Re: Sophie

Scared — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 02:14:28 GMT

She lives in Thailand and I couldnt afford to stay there and my mental health was poor so I had to come home. My grief is becoming complicated

Re: Sophie

ABC01 — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 09:07:41 GMT

Hi Scared,

We have talked in other posts, I don’t want to interrupt what you already have going here,but can I ask the meaning of complicated grief?
Thank you,

ABC01

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 22:01:23 GMT

Thank you for reaching out ❤️

I’m sorry to hear about the turbulence in your life. I suppose we’re the forgotten race.

I don’t think it’s that they don’t understand how to help, it’s more that they have money to blow and act as if they’re too good for you.

I spent my milestone birthday sitting in my balcony with tears. My mum had a milestone birthday which everyone who’s anyone was invited but me and it REALLY hurt.

I don’t want them back in my life and nor do I miss them anymore. It’s that I don’t understand why they did this to me.

we were always very tight and once thought nothing could separate us. I just don’t understand this world anymore.

what hurts the most is my mum not having my back. She says this is your fault and they’ve done nothing wrong.

there was a time, not too long ago, when I had had money, wore diamonds and drove a BMW. They used to roll out the red carpet for me 😞

I suppose it’s not who you are but what you have that validates you.

I’m a mess and can’t control it. I cry at the sound of hello from people and don’t go out anymore.

I just don’t belong here.

Re: Sophie

DolfinRock — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 22:13:11 GMT

That’s exactly what it is…..grief!

After your very helpful message to me, I decided to join my local community health centre and I got myself a punching bag and boxing gloves. I’m trying to release the negative energy and sadness by playing music very loud and punching the hell out of the bag.

I had a bad sadness attack last weekend so I forced myself to go to water aerobics and it really helped, so thank you 🙏

I wish we had a built in delete button so we can remove the feelings that interfere with life.

look after yourself. There has to be another chapter in our life, hopefully with a happily ever after ending

Re: Sophie

ABC01 — Thu, 24 Oct 2024 01:16:57 GMT

Dear DolfinRock,

You belong here. I belong here.

Life just changes constantly. If we are taught how to handle change emotionally and mentally,it is easier. If we aren’t,then it can blow us over like barn in a tornado. So easily.

I can understand how hard it must be to be left out of something so significant. And that, that would have ongoing ramifications. I am sorry that this is the way it is for you.

Change is hard if you are used to a certain lifestyle and then it goes away. But please know, money is just money. It is a person’s values, ethics and beliefs that mean more.

Money also isn’t forever and perhaps your family may find that out one day. I haven’t grown up with or have money now. I wish I did to have more stability,but not to believe I am better then anyone else. You have learnt alot of life skills,that they simply won’t have.

It is okay to be a mess. I am too. But so have others before us. And they have come good. There is hope. And hope is worth more then the entirety of money anyone has.

ABC01

Re: Sophie

Scared — Thu, 24 Oct 2024 06:59:54 GMT

8 years together. She lives in Thailand and im Australia I couldnt afford to live there any longer so had to come back home.. Actually i feel Thailand is my home and I am homesick

Re: Sophie

Scared — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 10:01:09 GMT

Complicated grief is basically grief that goes on too long and often the sufferer is no longer aware of where the depression is coming from as its mixed in with so many factors as the years go by

Re: Sophie

ABC01 — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 11:40:57 GMT

Dear Scared,

Thank-you for the definition.

I am sorry that you feel Thailand is home and you can't be where home is for you. That must be very distressing, and I hope if you can find a way to remedy it, that it is fast and achievable.

ABC01

Re: Sophie

Scared — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 23:12:50 GMT

Thank you for your kind words ABC01.