Unsure

Scared — Mon, 09 Sep 2024 01:07:10 GMT

I was watching on tv the families of the 9/11 victims. Why cant i be strong like them. Im feeling ashamed and weak I cant be strong today.

My girlfriend is angry with me most of the time because she has no money. I had to block her number because with depression she is constantly hurting me with her frustrations of no money.

She has gambling addiction and I wont enable her addiction.

I already left her back in Thailand.

The truth is im scared to break contact completely with her as she can be the only source of sunshine I get in my bleak life. It was her birthday so i sent little money to buy birthday cake and already she unhappy with me again. To send money i need take a bus along way to do this. I dont feel appreciated at all. I never know if Im grieving the loss of blocking my phone or if im depressed. I dont know how to tell.

I thought my upping meds recently was helping but its not today. Things are worse if anything today.

My Thai girl has an unusual disposition Ive never understood.
Like a computer she reboots every morning and whatever happened yesterday is forgotten while Im still getting over what happened yesterday. I blocked her many times in the past and always unblock her.

Today she would probably call but i havnt unblocked her number yet.

I know people can advise to get rid of her but if you saw how bleak my life is and where I live a rounded person could understand why i hang on to this relationship.

I really dont know what to do or the right direction to take.

If my depression would leave me i might have a chance to help myself instead of hanging on to something thats unhealthy

Re: Unsure

Scared — Mon, 09 Sep 2024 02:19:46 GMT

I also feel so fake because lately i been contributing to posts as tho Im so together. Now im posting because im not well today and anything but together.

What right do i have to reply to people when im in distress myself.

topic Re: Unsure in Grief and loss

Unsure

Re: Unsure