topic My 18 year old cat died yesterday in Grief and loss

My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Thu, 13 Jun 2024 00:24:46 GMT

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed by grief and guilt, it feels like my heart is breaking. I don't know how to go on without her.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Thu, 13 Jun 2024 08:05:56 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Maggie.

My own cat was tragically killed 3.5 weeks ago and I am feeling all the emotions and despair too.

I wanted to tell you that seeing your GP was a great first step as well as reaching out on here. Be very direct and transparent to express your emotions. Your grief is real and valid. You need to be heard. I did the same thing the day after my cat passed. And still am talking to professionals trained in grief. May I suggest greifline.org.au . They have many resources and articles to help understand your grief,as well as a hotline that runs from 8am - 8pm. They are specifically trained in grief. Though it may not feel useful right now, education on what is happening in your current moment,can be a small respite. Also the hotline here is 24/7.

The day my beloved cat died, I had to move all of his things into the shed or the study,to get them out of my line of sight. The triggers were too distressing and I was almost hysterical. But I kept some small belongings like his favourite toys and his favourite sauce packet. The rest were put in protective bags and covered with a moving blanket to protect them and keep them safe until I am emotionally ready to decide what to do next. I still haven’t vacuumed my floor.

The biggest advice I got early on, is NOT to make ANY decisions right now. If you make big decisions when you are in shock and grief,you may regret them later on. It is okay to put things off until you are able to cope with them.

You are not alone. People are here to talk to you. It hurts my heart to hear your circle isn’t very large. Maggie sounds wonderfully loved and your heart must hurt at any thought of her. But your love for her is evident and that love always stays.

It is so important that you eat 3 times a day,even when you don’t want to. Keep your routine,sleep at night and exercise to get out your adrenaline. Ask for help if you can’t do any of these. The only way to do grief is day by day and not looking to far ahead.

Please reply if you need too.

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Thu, 13 Jun 2024 22:28:00 GMT

Thank you for your response and advice. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your beloved kitty.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Sat, 15 Jun 2024 02:18:26 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

I had wondered how you were going? (But only if you wanted to talk or share.)

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Sat, 15 Jun 2024 22:22:49 GMT

Thank you so much for caring. I still cry but not as much. I can't remove her litter trays from the bathroom; I feel like they're a part of her. I have a Zoom appointment tomorrow with a counsellor specialising in the loss of a pet. I'm hoping that will help. The vet took pawprints after she passed away but I still don't have the strength to go and collect them. Every little noise I hear, I think it's her and I call out. I miss her so much in bed at night and yelling at me in the morning for her breakfast.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Sat, 15 Jun 2024 23:22:29 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

Thank you for replying. And I do care how you are truly doing. You said you have no one to talk to and going through this alone. This is hard with any support,let alone by yourself. And I don’t want you to be alone.

It is great you have found someone to talk to and especially in this field. I hope this is helpful in even the smallest of ways. I have found that alot of people just don’t understand the importance of my own loss and the advice is repeated and generic. So someone who specialises in your loss will be far better.

Just this morning I woke up, sat up in bed and was about to yell my cat’s name out loud,before I remembered. He would run through the house,his bell ringing , jump up on my bed and make himself very comfortable in my personal space,just to say good morning and you are finally up. I miss that so much. I miss his face. The eye contact.Night times,especially in winter, were our cuddle time in blankets,the heater and him loving stealing my body heat between my legs. Nights are lonely now. I almost hate the sun going down.

I understand your grief, I just miss a different cat. I find myself sometimes unable to cry or crying doesn’t go for very long. It is like my tears have stopped producing even thiugh I am upset.Sometimes I have calm moments and then feel guilty for having them. This is all a part of grief. Sometimes I find myself gettIng slightly used to something in my current life and then I feel guilty. This is also grief.

Keep your kitty litter where it is until you are ready. The amount of objects I have felt the exact same way about,like they are a part of him,is alot. Because they do belong to them. It is another loss to us if we say goodbye to them. One step at a time. That is all we have to do.

The vet will keep your precious paw prints safe until you can get them. You could also try to look at it from a different angle. The paw prints will be far safer in your care,then a strangers in that clinic. You don’t have to look at them if you don’t want to,but take them home and put them somewhere safe. They maybe able to be part of your enduring connection with Maggie. Also, you don’t need to go back to the clinic again once you have done that,if it is a painful place to be. And then you can let go of that worry and task. You don’t need to carry that repeating anxiety then.

I hope you are looking after yourself. Eating,staying hydrated,sleeping and exercise.

I saw some kittens the other day at pet store and had a good chat with them. It is the first time I have seen a cat face to face in 4 weeks. It was surprisingly nice. Just to see there faces. They were not mine. But I also have just missed cat-life everyday. I think they are important for my daily being. I don’t want one in my home and life right now or anytime soon,(except my boy)but I definitely am a cat person. Perhaps seeing another cat and interacting with them might help you one day soon. Not a suggestion,just a reflection.

Stay well Maggie56 and please reply again if you want too.

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Sun, 16 Jun 2024 22:23:24 GMT

Thank you again for your support. I did collect her pawprints and a little vial of her fur. This is all still feeling a little surreal. I had her for so long, spending all day/every day with her, and now there is just nothing.

I hope that you too can find what you need and maybe one day let another baby into your life. Thank you again.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Thu, 04 Jul 2024 10:42:27 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

I just wanted to say hi and see how you have been going.

But only if it isn’t upsetting for you or if you are okay now and don’t need to chat.

So whether I hear a reply back from you or not, I hope you are doing well.

From ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 01:24:51 GMT

Thank you so much for asking. No, I'm not okay and I don't think I ever will be. Maggie was literally my whole world and everything I did, I did for her. I miss her so much it hurts. It's so strange her not being here. I have no interest in anything else and constantly wish I had her back, even just for five minutes. I cry every day.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 04:11:07 GMT

I am so sorry Maggie56.

I am feeling the exact same way about losing my Major. I don’t know if we actually do get over it. Love and family bonds run so deep that if we did get over it,in a way that would be cruel and love would be so pointless. However I do know from personal experience that you grow around it. It is like your body knows something is there, like a screw to set a broken arm in place, and the skin and muscle grow around it again. But the screw stays just the same, inside your body.

I too feel immense pain,sleeping is the only silence I experience.But as soon as i wake up,everything floods back. I don’t want to do anything and nothing motivates me. I have never cried in pain this much. I constantly see him everywhere and there is a brief moment of love,followed instantly by overwhelming sadness. Sadness that he isn’t there anymore.

I don’t know how to navigate this and everyday seems to be getting worse. I am incredibly protective of his things and don’t want anyone to touch them. I only have his photo to kiss good morning and good night too. Love is such an incredible experience in our lives,but can destroy us in a second.

Cry for Maggie. Grieve and mourn her. Take it day to day. But most importantly love her as much as you always do. Talk to her and tell her you love her and miss her. Thank her for everything she has ever given you and find moments in photos that remind you of the favourite things she did infront of you,to connect to her and the love and light your lives together produced.

For many cat people,Cats are our whole world,and we are their’s. They make our lives so enriched and unbelievably happy and I bet you can look back on her life with you and find so many moments you are proud of with Maggie. You can identify what Maggie has taught you and be insanely thankful that Maggie walked with you in your life.

The greatest honour is Maggie was loved by you and Maggie loved you back. Not just a small amount,but an amount that there is no humanly scale to measure.

I know I find everyday hard and the weeks keep moving. But please take care of yourself just as you did when Maggie was with you. She would want her mother to be healthy and small steps at a time can get you there.

However “healthy” doesn’t mean your grieving is over. It just means you are taking care of your body.

Reach out again if you ever need to.

From ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 23:43:14 GMT

Dear ABC01

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry that you're also suffering from the loss of Major. I certainly understand how you feel. I hope that you too are looking after yourself and can remember the good times and the love that you and he shared. Thanks again for caring.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Sun, 08 Sep 2024 08:08:03 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

I am not sure if you still use BB, but I wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

Only answer if you want to.

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Mon, 09 Sep 2024 05:23:27 GMT

Dear ABC01

Thank you for thinking of me. I still think about Maggie every day and still sometimes cry for her, but I'm much better than I was. I've adopted a two year old kitty named Billie and she is helping a little. She's nothing like Maggie, which is good.

How are you doing? Are you feeling a bit better?

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 02:32:10 GMT

Dear ABC01

How are you doing? Are you feeling better?

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 03:25:54 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

I am so happy to hear that you are doing better. And even happier to hear you have adopted a new furry family member and a two year old at that. Older cats are often over looked for 12 week old kittens or had a start where the person who had no clue about cats and then they end up in the shelters,their kittenhood gone.

You basically have a teenager right now. And that can be so fun! Plus you have the experience to be the best mother.

Some people believe your passed fur baby picks the new one for you. So perhaps Maggie had a hand in leading you to Billie.

Please know it is still okay to be upset and cry or express your grief about Maggie. Billie isn't her. Billie may remind you of Maggie at times and that can trigger emotions. Plus Maggie is a essential part of your life journey. It would be very weird if you still don't think about her and love and miss her.

Remember just as with Maggie, Billie is precious. Be in the moment with them and love them every second that you can. And I wish for Billie to live a full life to 18 too.

Thank you for asking. I am not doing so well. My trauma is bad. I am getting help for it, but anger, guilt and sadness are a regular thing for me. I looked at adoption sites a few weeks ago and got a definite answer that I am not ready for a new family member, anytime soon. My acceptance of his death is improving, but the way he passed is a still a major struggle. But I am trying every single day, and that is what matters. I am a dog mum,so maybe for now that is where I will concentrate. She is almost 14 years old and that is an old lady in dog years.

I am glad to have heard from you. And truly happy to know another cat isn't out there in the world being unloved. They now have a home.

Have a great time with Billie, learning all they are and the love and laughter they will bring you. And with Halloween and Christmas coming up, all the new toys you will buy.

All the best,

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 23:30:48 GMT

Thank you for your kind words. Billie (a girl) actually arrived at the RSPCA shelter the day that Maggie passed, so I've felt from the very start that there is a connection. I had actually chosen three older kitties to meet from their website but Billie, the youngest, was the only one left when I arrived there. So all in all, I think it was meant to be.

I'm sorry that you're not doing so well. I'm glad though that you have your doggie girl to provide some comfort. Please reach out again if you feel like it. I can't help you, but I can certainly listen. And I understand. ♥️

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Sat, 19 Oct 2024 23:58:43 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

Please only reply if you feel comfortable.

There is alot of talk in my household that adopting another cat now might help me with my mental health and grief over losing my cat. Having been nearing 6 and a half months. They keep saying I am lonely and drifting with no purpose or direction.

Are you able to explain to me how you came to the decision to adopt Billie? Even if you still grieve Maggie. And do you feel as if it has helped you? And how it has helped you?
I know this is personal,so you don’t have to reply if it will make you upset. Or your answers are too personal. You are just the only person I can ask outside,that has had a similar experience this year.

Thank you and I hope you and Billie are doing well.

ABC01

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

Maggie56 — Sun, 20 Oct 2024 21:51:30 GMT

Hello ABC01

I'm sorry that you are still suffering. I think of Maggie every day and sometimes still cry for her, but Billie is definitely helping. I was totally alone when Maggie died and in a very dark place. I just decided that I needed another living breathing being in the house who needs me and lessens the focus on my grief/guilt. Billie has given me a purpose and a reason to get up in the morning. I'm no longer in a dark place. She brings me a lot of joy and I know that I've saved an animal who had an uncertain future. I've never regretted adopting her. She's very different to Maggie, which I think is a good thing.

The "right time" is different for everyone, and only you can know when it's that time. There are so many cats in shelters that need a loving home, particularly older ones. It's said that we "save" the animal but I think they save us as well.

I hope this helps with your decision. You will always love Major but our hearts are capable of loving more than one pet. Wishing you all the very best with whatever you decide. Please let me know what happens.

Re: My 18 year old cat died yesterday

ABC01 — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 12:13:07 GMT

Dear Maggie56,

Thank you so much for your reply and I am so happy for you and Billie.

I am glad it has brought back the light and life you were missing. I love that it has given you purpose. That word is so important and what I am trying to find.

I already have dogs that lived with Major and were his family too,so I am not completely alone. It is just the cat-erisms that I miss and that I might just be a cat person,slightly over a dog person. My bed is very lonely all the time.

I have yet to vacuum one side of my room that was blocked off by the dogs,that was to protect his dry food from greedy noses. The food is no longer there,I just don’t have the heart to let new fur touch his fur that is left in the carpet. I also won’t open the window for fresh air,as I am afraid it will take him out of my room. Even though I know he is gone. Maybe they are signs to listen too at the moment.

But your experience gives me hope. Like you said,alot of them need homes and older ones are often overlooked for younger ones. Perhaps my passion for animals in my values,ethics and beliefs will fire up again.

I will definitely let you know,if I get “saved” by a special one in the future.

Thank you so much again for replying.

ABC01