topic Re: My Mum Died Yesterday in Grief and loss

My Mum Died Yesterday

Toymanpete — Mon, 19 Feb 2024 21:29:49 GMT

Hello. I'm writing this with a broken heart because my mum died at 3:21 yesterday morning of lung cancer caused by smoking. We had always lived together for all of my 42 years & I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. It was all so very sudden- on Australia day she told me she was crook with a headache & diarrhoea & soon after, she developed a hacking cough with blood. I called the doctor's office but the receptionist told me "Call back in May" & hung up! That arvo, the paramedics ended up taking her to the local hospital (we live in a country town). The doctor there, a local GP (Not our GP) had a CT scan done & called our family in but he had a shocking bedside manner- he very quickly told us she had cancer "Here, here & here" & told mum she "Didn't have to make a decision now". They stupidly discharged her the next arvo with the only follow-up being a standard GP appointment in April!, as well as prescriptions for 2 utterly useless fluid pills, for her swollen legs. On Sunday, she got really crook. Hot & cold, in & out of sleep. I rang 000 & the paramedics took her to the big hospital 1 hour away. The doctors & nurses there were in disbelief at what the GP had done. My family drove up soon after & we stayed until 2AM, before we drove back, but she died 90mins later. Now I'm here at home alone & don't know how to go on. Thank you for listening.

Re: My Mum Died Yesterday

white knight — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 00:17:49 GMT

Hi, welcome

I'm so sorry.

This period now, for many days will be a blur and then the grief will remain until- yes, it will drift away slowly depending on the person. Allow it to flow, embrace it as a healing mechanism, a process you cant and should try to- avoid, for it can be a beautiful experience in some ways as you realise the depth of love you both have had for each other.

My father was wonderful. When he passed in 1992 at 64yo I was devastated and I mourn him today. I do cherish recalling those memories of running races and his laughter but above all his empathy which I'm proud today I have applied to this forum. So, I've lived through his eyes, tried to do what he would have wanted me to do... eventually this carrying on of his legacy is what I highly recommend you do- whatever your mum did that was memorable, her kindness, her deeds, carry them on, visit her grave and tell her- "this I'm doing for you mum".

Writing is one way of grieving, planting a garden for her honour is another. I have a poem that I want to share with you. It's one of my very special poems that I wrote many years ago but it allowed my emotions to flow.

TO KISS HIS TEMPLE

There were some things I knew as taboo

to express my love but to question who?

to touch the pale face of my dad back then

when touching taboo...when "men were men"

For boys were male and "you cant do that"

jealous of my sister and that is that

that man couldnt hug his son for how he was seen

nowadays if you hugged your son- well, you'd be relieved.

And so my dad the salt of the land

wouldnt touch me even by hand

he knew he loved me and I him

with a wink of an eye from under his brim

Then that day we all regret came along

where watery eyes was met by song

and there he lie with an eerie smile

I be alone with him for just a while.

As I stroked his forehead cool to touch

I raised my head automatically as such

to kiss his temple of which I dare

I knew his mind was well aware.

Of all the kisses I missed

they gathered together in just one kiss

finally as his spirit rose and went

he left his love and hugs were spent

I never craved again heart be blessed

that tradition of males their love expressed

a kiss on his forehead way back then

ended an era when "men were men"....

And one for you just now-

IN TOW

As a boy you be her shadow in tow

You'd follow her where ever she go

Hide behind her dress so scared

What you did know is she really cared

Try to release your anger at those that mend

For they are under pressure of the job they contend

Instead fill your mind of all thats blessed

and that includes the nurturing your mum expressed

For the days of hearts broken will be finite

even though you'll grieve every day and night

Gather your future when you are ready and fine

To live in her shadow till the end of time

For every step you take she follows you there

You open your arms in the sun she's there

For her shadow is hugging where ever you go

Where ever you walk, your mother in tow....

TonyWK

I'm here most days, repost as often as you want and there will be replies. Take care.

TonyWK

Re: My Mum Died Yesterday

Ggrand — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 07:51:42 GMT

Hello Dear Toymanpete,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums.

I am so deeply sorry that your beautiful mother passed away yesterday…my deepest and most sincere condolences….for you and your family..

Tony has written a very beautiful and caring post, with such a heartfelt poem….No words that I could ever write here could ever ease the deep inner sadness and grief your feeling right now and will feel for a while yet….but wanted to let you know that we do care about you and are here for you whenever you feel to talk or need some gentle support to help you through this heartbreaking time…

My kindest thoughts Dear Toymanpete, with my care..

Grandy..

Re: My Mum Died Yesterday

Toymanpete — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 08:32:14 GMT

What a beautiful poem. Thank you very much.

Re: My Mum Died Yesterday

quirkywords — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 10:42:50 GMT

Toymanpete

I am so sorry For your loss .

Tony and Grandy have sent you very supportive posts.
Tony’s poetry is moving and poignant.

Re: My Mum Died Yesterday

Toymanpete — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 20:10:53 GMT

Thank you very much.