topic Overwhelming sadness in Grief and loss

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Tue, 04 Jun 2019 13:58:02 GMT

For the last few months I’ve had a new psychologist, who has really helped me and gave me hope for the future, and she got me, and made me feel accepted and understood. Last week she told me she had resigned from her current position and is leaving. I am devastated from this loss and feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I’ve still got one more private session with her and two group sessions before she leaves, is it inappropriate to ask her if when she’s settled in her new job, to be able to see her again in that setting? I don’t want to come over as desperate but just need some feedback on this subject, ‘Loss of your Psychologist’.

Thanks in advance for your advice and for reading!!

Jules292

Overwhelming sadness

Quercus — Tue, 04 Jun 2019 14:47:10 GMT

Hi Jules292 and welcome to the forums.

It is an unsettling feeling when professionals you have opened up to and perhaps even relied on move away.

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with asking your psych if she has considered continuing to see existing patients. My psychiatrist started his own practice and I asked the same question.

It is ultimately up to your psych and but if you don't ask you won't know.

How do you feel you will cope if she says she's not continuing with exisiting patients?

It might be helpful to ask if there is someone she happily recommends having gotten to know you.

Another option is to ask her to help you make a plan to identify supports around you that you can rely on until you find a new psych. It is easy to feel a bit lost and even abandoned but the skills you've learned will still be there.

I hope you can join in around the forums. There are a lot of threads where people share tips on what they do to manage. Perhaps these will give you a bit of confidence to know that whatever happens with your psych you're capable of being safe and even well while you find a new psychologist.

Nat

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 08:16:31 GMT

Hi Nat,

Thanks for your reply.

Can I ask if you followed your Psychiatrist & if it worked out?

Not sure how I’ll cope if I can’t see her, but I’m telling myself that eventually she’ll settle into a new job and hopefully I can continue with her at some point. I don’t know, like I said I don’t want to come over as desperate. But therapists surely know the implications of ending treatments with their patients suddenly ie: abandonment issues, grief, sadness, with chronic feelings of insecurity. it’s not fair, I feel like every time I take a step forward I then have to take 10 back.

I guess it’s just the fear of the unknown, which I don’t cope well with. I know there are others on this thread that are coping with unimaginable grief & I really do empathise with the losses they are dealing with, I’m so very sorry for everyone feeling the effects of such unbearable emotional pain.

Anyway, at least I’m staying safe atm, last week the shock left me feeling panic and loss and caught up with believing there was only one way to cope. Which of course would have been devastatingly upsetting for everyone in my family. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone!

thank you so much for being able to get all of this out of my head!!

kind regards

Jules292

Overwhelming sadness

Quercus — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 18:23:14 GMT

Hi Jules 😊,

Sorry to keep you waiting. Our house seems to be cold and flu central lately. This chest infection has me utterly spent. But I'll reply properly when I'm able.

To answer your question... Yes I stayed with my psychiatrist and am glad I did. It isn't that another couldn't do his job... It's just finding someone whose style suits you can be hard. My psychiatrist is somewhat cold and professional but I like that, others wouldn't. Likewise a touchy feely style or a professional who felt like a friend would make me clam up and confide nothing. Everybody is different.

It's normal to be shaken. And it's ok to feel scared. It is hard to make yourself vulnerable and ask for help. At the start I did feel I relied on my psychiatrist and I felt very uncomfortable with that. It took me time to learn how to manage on my own in between appointments.

In your post I got the impression you felt so distressed you feel suicidal. Have I got that wrong? That reaction happens from my experience. It did for me anyway. It is a symptom that needs to be taken seriously and spoken about asap to make sure you have a safety plan in place.

And nope... Noone here is offended because many of us have been there and understand feeling suicidal isn't a choice we make. It is a symptom of our illness not being managed well right now. Please try not to be hard on yourself. Keeping yourself safe is more proof that you care just as deeply for your family as they do for you. There's no shame in feeling like this.

Do you feel safe? It's alright if you don't want to answer that. But if you could consider it and talk to your psych about it that would be a good idea.

I'll check in when I can and hope you feel able to write if it helps you. There is a lot of support out there Jules. No matter what happens with your psych you're not alone.

Nat

Overwhelming sadness

geoff — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 19:47:50 GMT

Hi Jules, and thank you for posting this comment, and I also know what you are having to go through.

It did become a shock for me and certainly has for you, but I wouldn't feel as though you shouldn't ask her and if she has moved quite a distance away then suggest talking to her by Skype or whatever else there is so you can both see each other.

I think you should talk to her via facial contact, because she needs to see what sort of reaction you make when something is talked about.

She might only be resigning because there is a management problem or a situation that doesn't suit her.

If you like her and you both understand each other then try and follow her by any means possible.

Geoff.

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 14:40:17 GMT

Hi again Nat,

thank you for answering my question, it is reassuring at this stage, gives me a glimmer of hope.

Yes I agree, her style suits me because she can identify the DBT skills needed for certain situations & has reignited my brain to think before impulsively acting on harmful thoughts, which previously I had let slip away.

Yes I’ve already been relying on my Psychiatrist heavily, since an exacerbating incident last November.

Yes you were right, I did feel as though there was no reason to stay alive, I was so saddened and wanted to permanently avoid these painful feelings. Thankfully I researched skills to try to experience some relief.

My psychiatrist knows that when I have aids in place I am less susceptible to these lapses in judgement, ie: seeing her, seeing a psychologist and attending weekly classes. This combination works. Our group although still new, has been a godsend and as a group we are just starting to click. This is also now in jeopardy because our psychologist is leaving and has no idea if the group will continue. And yes this is the same psychologist I am losing privately.

Yes at present I do feel safe, thanks to everything in place, I am proud of myself and how far I’ve come. I think though that I’m relying on the fact that somehow I can see her in the future? I am trying to take it a day at a time.

thanks again for your input and care.

jules

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Sat, 08 Jun 2019 06:38:03 GMT

Yes I think you might be right Geoff, there has been a huge turnover of staff recently.

I hope you’re right about being able to get access with her for further treatment, people just don’t understand or appreciate the loss of such support.

regards

jules292

Overwhelming sadness

White_Rose — Sat, 08 Jun 2019 07:41:12 GMT

Hello Jules and welcome to the forum.

This is a good place to post and receive support and encouragement. As Nat has said, we have all been where you are now and know how scary it can be. My two GPs left the practice quite suddenly. One took care of my mental health and the other looked after my physical health and also my mental health if the other GP was away. I have been going to this GP for about 15 years so you can imagine how shocked I was to be told she was leaving. It was made worse by being told by another doctor who had been informed and asked not to pass it on.

I think both GPs were annoyed as they had planned to tell me in person. It was made worse because I had just been told I had a medical problem and the GP was making arrangements for me to see a specialist in a hurry before she left. It was good I did not get lost in the system as I was so overwhelmed by what was happening. I asked both GPs if I could follow them to their new practices but neither had made arrangements for their next job. I had to wait to find a newspaper announcement saying the original GP had started in a practice. Then I could make arrangements to see her there. The other GP moved too far for me to see.

I felt lost and bewildered just like you. It did turn out better than I imagined as I was also seeing a psychiatrist who knew the GP and what was happening. Being able to continue with the same GP was great but I went through an uncomfortable time first.

It will get easier although it does not seem like that now. I agree that when you find someone who suits your style it's amazing how well you can move ahead. And how distressing it is to feel abandoned as you said. Please remember your coping mechanisms as much as possible. It's easy to stop when we are so upset. The best compliment you can give the psychologist is to continue to thrive even though you feel so bad. Presuming your psych is still within reach I hope you can reconnect with her.

Mary

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Sat, 08 Jun 2019 12:42:34 GMT

Thanks for your time and input Mary,

For some reason tonight seems a little hard to sit with everything & I am trying to resist urges to self harm. On top of everything I am also tapering off of a current medication ( due to manufacturing issues), with the plan to recommence with a new one next week. I have been experiencing headaches that just won’t go away.

I am just so thankful I have found this forum which has enabled me to communicate the issues I am facing.

I think I will call it a night and go to bed which will keep me safe for this evening.

Thank you again for your Response.

Kind regards,

Jules292

Overwhelming sadness

geoff — Sun, 09 Jun 2019 17:36:24 GMT

Hi Jules, do you know where she is going to or has she been able to tell you.

Just because she is moving is no reason why she doesn't want to see you, she too might be devastated having to move office.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 11:38:34 GMT

Hi Geoff,

I don’t know anything yet, I don’t see her until next Thursday for a DBT Grad Group, it’s been hard waiting. I can’t really ask her then either, I’ll have to wait until our private session on the 18th June. I’m feeling better, just saying silent prayers that it works out ok for both of us.

Jules292

Overwhelming sadness

geoff — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 17:10:08 GMT

Hi Jules, I hope that it works out for the two of you, but before 18 June, maybe you could write down on a piece of paper all the points you feel need to be discussed and if a question hasn't been answered properly, then ask it another way later on.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Overwhelming sadness

Jules292 — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 12:01:20 GMT

Hi Geoff,

I found out today that my psychologist who we had discussed previously, is leaving because of her health! Not sure what is wrong, but feeling really down about this news. Obviously for her health but also because It means I will lose her, not saying she is going die but that puts an end to any hope I had.

is it inappropriate to still mention my interest in seeing her if and when she returns to work? Or is it just selfish?

Thanks in advance,

Jules292

Overwhelming sadness

geoff — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 17:41:21 GMT

Hi Jules, no, if you really want to see her if she returns then there isn't any problem at all.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Overwhelming sadness

smallwolf — Fri, 31 Jan 2020 22:54:03 GMT

Hi Jules, just tagging for now - I found your name in another thread that I am replying to.

Tim

Overwhelming sadness

smallwolf — Sat, 01 Feb 2020 09:50:37 GMT

This is my story and I hope you get something from it...

I had been seeing my psychiatrist for about 2 months on frequent basis. The office where she worked was quite close to where I lived - it was convenient. For her own reasons then resigned from that office and moved to a different place that was much further way. When she told me she would be no longer there, my thoughts "does this mean I have to find someone new?". After a brief chat the options were (a) find someone new or (b) I could go to new place she moved to....

I chose option (b)

Not sure why I made that decision - perhaps it was her honesty, her story and/or our relationship. Ask?

Tim