topic Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety? in Grief and loss

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 10:01:28 GMT

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone knows about the relationship with grief and anxiety? It is something I have only come heard of recently. Or if this story sounds familiar to anyone and you have any tips to help, that would be greatly appreciated.

im a 24yo male in Melbourne Aus. Have always been fairly shy/ anxious person and never very happy. My father committed suicide when I was 16 who I was very close to, also lost a fair few other friends and family members not long after too.

i have always tried to be tough and just try ignore these losses when they occurred, I was back at school 2 days after my Dads death and just tried forcing myself to move on. I still think about what happened that night pretty much every day but never get emotional about it, just try put on a brave face and move on.

i suffered with depression and social anxiety issues for the years following my dads death, but it was fairly manageable and wasn't 24/7 life controlling like it is now

about 2 years ago I took some MDMA at a party and got my first panic attack the next day. Since then have been anxious as hell, constantly feel like I'm in a dream (depersonalisation), insomnia that never seems to end, and non stop racing negative thoughts to the point I've nearly taken my own life a few times.

feel like it has slowly started to get better after all the different councelling and medication. but I feel like there's something else to it and that cbt and meds aren't going completely fix my issues.

Came across some YouTube videos of speakers talking about holding grief causing anxiety problems, my therapist also believes this could be a part of my problem too. Does anyone know much about this? any replies greatly appreciated, thanks

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

james1 — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 01:53:37 GMT

Hey myles,

Welcome to the forums and I'm so sorry to hear about your loss those years ago.

Past grief and trauma is often something that continues to follow us for a while later until we deal with it. Sometimes we can hide it and put it in a box, but often they come out when an event triggers it.

From what I've experienced, a stressful event can trigger a mental collapse even if it's unrelated to the original event. I had a similar thing happen where basically a really rough exam period and collapse of my relationship just brought up a lot of things I'd ignored in my life. It sounds like your panic attack with the MDMA (which often happens if people are susceptible - a friend of mine suffered from permanent psychosis from mushrooms) was your thing which has triggered this recent intense bout.

Has your therapist given you any advice or suggestions on how to proceed?

James

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

white knight — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 20:23:54 GMT

Hi Myles,

Good question James, has your therapist got recommendations?

Try googling these

Topic: crying, let it all out- beyondblue

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: coping with grief- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Use search bar at top for- "relaxing music and messages"

Tony WK

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Doolhof — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 22:16:28 GMT

Hi Myles5,

Welcome to the community here. I'm really sorry to read of your Dad's tragic death and the losses you have experienced since then. Your Dad's death no doubt was a really hard thing for a 16 year old to understand and comprehend.

My grief stemmed from the loss of my babies due to stillbirths. It took me years to relaise I did have a right to be grief stricken, that it was okay to cry and show my emotions and feelings and to not try to hide them all of the time.

I was fortunate enough to find a psychologist who acknowledged the loss of my babies was real, that their death affected me in so many ways, that I was not responsible, I could not have changed anything, and it was okay for me to move on with my life.

Finding a sense of acceptance of the losses helped me to move on. It does not mean that I have to forget what happened, it means I can let go of some of the hurt and pain around those incidents.

Unresolved grief caused me many health issues, mental and physical. This last year I have done a lot of reading about understand grief via the internet and through books borrowed at the library.

I've also done a lot of writing. Getting all of the hurt and pain out from where I have been trying to stuff it for years! It is a process, one that is well worth travelling despite the confusion, the pain and hurt. The sense of peace and acceptance is worth it, even if you only have a glimmer of that, it is a start.

This is what has worked for me, hopefully you will find what works for you.

Cheers from Dools

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 18:11:53 GMT

Thanks for the reply. My therapist wants me reflect back on what happened and go through the grief process. He got me to write a letter to my Dad writing my feelings about what happened, and then go to the spot where he took his life and read it out. I still couldn't get emotional about it so not sure what's next

not good about your friend. I constantly fear I have permanently damaged myself from taking those drugs, and everyday wish I could go back and just not have taken them. Just want some answers, just want to know why I am this way and what I need to do to fix it

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 18:15:20 GMT

working through with my therapist but no results yet (see above reply)

thanks heaps for those links, I will check them out

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 18:20:07 GMT

Sorry to hear about your losses. But glad to hear you have been able to accept and move on.

i would like to do the same but have no idea where to start and feel it is going to be hard after all these years

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

blondguy — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 19:33:07 GMT

Hi Myles5

Thankyou for posting back to everyone!

I am a late bloomer on your thread. You are strong for having all the mechanisms in place with your counselor and doing your best to heal as well...and good on you too

I have had chronic anxiety for many years which did eventually dissipate but it morphed into a depressive disorder which is under management/meds and have been doing okay

Can I ask you if you have a good GP that you can 'bounce off' on a regular basis? It might sound boring but I still have a monthly 'fine tune' with my GP.

I hope you have the best day you can Mylea5. '

Really good to meet you. I hope you can stick around the forums

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Doolhof — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:18:24 GMT

Hi Myles5,

Resolving your grief issues is possible, it will take a lot of hard work, help from a counsellor and determination to make the most of trying to accept where yo are at in your grieving and in life in general.

I found reading through "Dealing with Grief/Overcoming grief" information on the internet was very helpful.

I wrote down all that I was feeling, a few times, to help get all of the sadness, hurt and confusion out on my body mind and soul.

The more I was able to express it and really feel it, the easier I found in the end to let it go bit by bit. The memories will still be there, the hurt can diminish a little.

Express all of your thoughts and emotions, even the really dark and horrid ones, they are all a part of grief and need looking at before you can move on.

It is never too late to express how you feel. One night while worked in aged care, a 98 year old lady burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably as she shared the death of one her babies with me so many decades earlier.

She told me that she had always felt like she had no right to grieve for her child. That no one would understand.

It is never too late.

Cheers to you from Dools

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 01:04:23 GMT

Great advice thanks for that. I can see now that it is going to take a long time and is not going to be easy. But I think I will feel much more free and calm once it is over and I've moved on

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 08:32:53 GMT

Hi Paul, glad to hear that you are in a better place now. I hope to get there some time soon.

i don't really have a GP I see about my mental health problems, what sort of things do you work through with them?

thanks

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Doolhof — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 09:09:56 GMT

Hi Myles,

Just in answer to your question to Paul regarding a GP and mental health. I have been extremely fortunate to find a GP who will book a double appointment and listen to me when I am struggling with my depression. He reflects back what I say, acknowledges my pain and struggles and really listens.

My psychologists helps me to look at my thoughts and feelings differently, where as my GP just listens and acknowledges when it is tough. My Dr is very supportive.

I don't know if Paul's GP is like that or not, Paul may find his GP helpful in a different way.

For me knowing I can go and talk to my Dr when I am really lousy and confused helps immensely.

Cheers from Dools

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Myles5 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 09:53:16 GMT

Hi Dools

thanks for that, it does make sense. Sometimes when I am in a dark place I would like to see a professionally as soon as possible, and it usually takes a couple of weeks to see the psychologist. I guess with a GP you could get in a lot sooner most likely next day.

I would just have to find one that would suit me

thanks

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

blondguy — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 19:09:22 GMT

Hi Myles5 (and thankyou MrsDools)

I am the same as MrsDools as I also have a GP (actually two) that I see every month for a fine tune with my depression/anxiety. I am happy that there are more GP's around nowadays that have a better grasp of mental health than when I started having these awful symptoms back in the early 1980's

The GP's are great as our privacy is rock solid secure and I can talk about any dark thoughts that I am going through too. I always feel so much better afterwards too 🙂

Once we have a good GP it can help so much. Like you mentioned the waiting time is minimal compared with waiting forever for a psychologist. I just think that we have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so

My kind thoughts as always Myles5

Paul

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

Doolhof — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 19:57:12 GMT

Hi Myles,

This is where the phone help lines are invaluable as well. If you are comfortable to use them, the support people can listen to you and talk you through issues so stuff is not so mixed up in your head.

Not all doctors are able to provide you with the understand you may crave, I must remember they are human too and vary just as much as we do. Hopefully you can find a Dr you can relate to and who is compassionate.

Cheers to you and All from Dools