topic My Dad just died in Grief and loss

My Dad just died

avara89 — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 04:55:37 GMT

My Dad was so good. He was everything you could imagine a kind hearted, selfless person could be. I cannot believe he is even gone. Even writing “was” is bringing me to terms with the fact he is no longer here.

I’m still half expecting him to call in and give me a lecture about how my car needs a service or that my lawn should be mowed.

It doesn’t feel real, yet he died 4 days ago. I still haven’t really accepted it.

He was only 51 and leaves behind my sister, brother, mother and my two children (who ADORED him)

He was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer about a year ago. Underwent chemo for eight months then, when it was discovered the chemo wasn’t doing anything, the doctors gave him 3 months to live.

I watched on as he slowly deteriorated and feel like I never really got to say all the things I wanted to before he left.

Why can’t I feel like he is actually gone? This is crazy.

My Dad just died

quirkywords — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 05:12:33 GMT

avara,

I extend my condolences to you and your family.

I can feel your pain and loss through your words .

It is only 4 days since he died so all the emotions are so raw and everything seems so unreal.

My dad died ten years ago and I still sometimes think I want to tell him something or share my good news with him.

Your dad sounds like a wonderful man and you will have great memories of him. Think of all the good times

and don't think of what you should have said. I am sure he knew he was loved .

Everyone grieves in a different way. All I would stay is take your time and be kind to yourself.

I am sure other people will offer their support here too, I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

I smiled when you mentioned about your dad ringing about having your car serviced or the lawn mowed.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

My Dad just died

shesawallflower — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 09:28:16 GMT

Hi there. I am feeling the exact same. I lost my mother on the 17/11 due to an unexpected stroke and mass bleeding to the brain. I watched her die also.

Grief is such a tricky feeling to express. I often feel lost, confused, helpless, tired an of course sad. If locking yourself in your bedroom is the key then so be it. I often listen to music and light insence or a really nice candle and I slowly doze off. I try to surround myself with my brother and dad which is quite comforting.

I started a Diary and I write to her when I feel like it. It feels like I’m giving her a card to read. I write what’s happening in life, how I’m feeling and how much I miss her. Weird as it sounds it does feel nice.

Time heals and your memories with your dad are forever, I hope you heart eases very soon xxx

My Dad just died

Forest_Critter — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 13:26:26 GMT

Hi Avara, welcome to the forum.

First off, my condolences to you and your family. Knowing how well though-of your father was, and how much he was loved, is definitely something to celebrate as well as miss in his passing away.

Secondly, I think you've done a brave thing opening up about how you're feeling about this. If there was an easier way to express some affection toward you, I would. But we're definitely here for you to discuss and share whatever you're comfortable with.

Loss can be quite confusing. Specifically, it's hard to place our feelings where we think they ought to belong. Confusion about our feelings of guilt and sadness can be exhausting. A way I've tried to understand guilt (often felt because we feel we never said all we wanted to) is to think about what has been said over the course of my relationship with the person. Fortunately my parents are alive, yet if one were to pass away suddenly, I'm confident that over the course of our relationship, the amount of times I've said with compassion that I love them, they've actually lived a life knowing this deeply. I'd advise you don't pressure yourself into thinking you should have gotten the last word in. I'm sure your father felt your love many times throughout your relationship, and hopefully this can alleviate some of the discomfort of guilt.

Sadness, or the general missing of that lovely person who has passed, unfortunately can just take time to subside. A healthy way to spend this time missing them, is to celebrate them. Although death of a loved one is certainly not positive, that person still is. Taking the time to commemorate your memories of them with friends and loved ones can be useful in developing a habit of enjoying your memories of them, rather than being overwhelmed with sadness by them. I'd like to think memories of me when I pass make people happy, which is one reason for that suggestion.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. None of this is easy, but it certainly shows that he must have been one fantastic father to have had such an impact on you. We're here for you if you'd like to talk about absolutely anything, if you're comfortable.

Other than that, I hope I was able to help.

Wish you all the best Avara,

- FC

My Dad just died

ElisaP — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 15:07:54 GMT

I am really sorry for your loss. ...I found the bit you wrote about your father calling to ask about your car particularly heart wrenching.

If you are sad it is because the loss is great. It is bitter sweet (though I am sure mostly bitter now)

You are lucky to have had such a wonderful father and a wonderful relationship with him.

I love my father, but I just don't have this relationship with him.

There are grief counselors you can see if you need them. ...I always turn to reading Harry Potter when I am especially blue, and she does address loss a lot in her books.

I believe in Heaven. I think it's real. I actually like reading books or watching you tube vids on the afterlife. I think it is real. Some say you can talk to loved ones past. You can sometimes have them come to you in a dream.

My condolences. It must be really tough.

My Dad just died

geoff — Thu, 30 Nov 2017 16:56:39 GMT

dear Avara, how deeply sorry I feel for and the rest of your family, but here we're talking with you, and again I utter my most sincere condolences.
I think it's lovely for newcomers and a current member to reply back to you also with the loss they are mourning.
The love you must have had with your Dad would undoubtedly could never be broken and to see him suffer the way you did wasn't fair, no one should ever have to go through this agony and deteriorate is not justice, it's just not right.
Can I just say that I've been through extreme pain, but when my family were there to offer their support and especially their love for me, I knew, so your father would have known how much you loved him with only a smile and a tear trickling down your face.
He's still with you and if you want to put any photos of him into an expensive photo frame, then do so, hold him close to your heart, I'm sure he would love that.
Again my sincerist condolences for you. Love Geoff. x