topic Double Loss...why me in Grief and loss

Double Loss...why me

T00much — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 06:32:49 GMT

Hi everyone , didnt think I'd have to go thorough this again , but here I am . 6 years ago , my wife of 20 years passed away after an 8 year battle with cancer . Her loss wasn't completely unexpected but devastating , nonetheless . I did seek counselling and it did help . 12 months on , I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman and fell madly in love with her .She had her demons but we were happy . A couple of Saturdays ago , her elderly mother passed away and she took it terribly . 3 days later she was rushed to emergency , and while very unwell , not in my worst nightmare did I imagine her , too , passing away . Totally unexpected , and I am so lost and broken . Has anyone else suffered the loss of two life partners and how the hell do you cope . Cheers in advance for any advice

Double Loss...why me

CMF — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 07:01:19 GMT

Hi TOOmuch and welcome,

First if all my deepest condolences for you losses. What a terrible loss you have suffered and i feel deeply for you. I have not suffered the loss of a partner but i have lost grandparents,parents, brother in laws in different years but a year apart. It is devastating to recover from one and then have to deal with the next. Of course counseling can help but do you have other family to support you and help you through this difficult period.

There is such a caring and understanding place and I encourage you to post as often as you need to.

I sincerely hope you are able to find peace within your heart.

cmf

Double Loss...why me

T00much — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 07:16:03 GMT

Thanks CMF

I have 2 terrific kids and friends and family to help , but the unexpectedness of this loss is sometimes, almost too much to bear. I think I certainly need some one on one help..group thing probably too much at this stage

Double Loss...why me

Divorced_Guy_Smiling — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 09:50:59 GMT

Hi TOOmuch

My heart breaks for you mate and you have my respect, you're in hell, no doubt, but you're also in a very unique position. Hear me out. Through this truly painful tradgedy, you have a voice that people will listen to the minute they hear what you've been through. As time passes, if you can hang in there and get stronger everyday - just like you proved to yourself that you can do before, you'll be in the position to help people as we listen to people who have gone through truly hard yards. How you do that is up to you, maybe it's a simple as becoming a sounding board on here, maybe you'll write a best selling self help book, just don't forget that within the truly terrible stuff lay a whole bunch of opportunity too. Again, I sincerely respect the weight on your shoulders and know that you know that you do come out the other side. Hang in there champion.

Double Loss...why me

Peppermintbach — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 10:18:36 GMT

Hi TOOmuch,

I feel pretty speechless and inept at finding the right words to say...you must be so heartbroken,devastated and completely overwhelmed.

I am very sorry for your losses, and it's sad that it's plural. One is painful enough, let alone two.

I have experienced loss but, unlike you, they weren't my partners. You must be hurting so much and are still in shock; you clearly loved both of them dearly.

There's a saying about how "loss is the price we pay for love"; I think there's a painful truth in that. I wish it weren't the case but it often is...there's a senselessness in losing the people we love. Like the universe stops making sense for a while...

Again, I am so sorry...

You are in my thoughts,

Pepper xo

Double Loss...why me

PatriotHelper — Sat, 02 Sep 2017 11:19:09 GMT

It is truely a terrible time you are going through, i wont repeat what others have said as your very aware of how you are coping, but if i can offer one piece of advice it is dont give up, grab a diary write out your thoughts create some goal perhaps its to get fitter, or a new hobbie, find something that you can focus on and emerge yourself in, i have found with any kind of stress it can be relieving experience to achieve something you have set out to do and gives you a reason and motivation for existing. Stay strong and come to the fourms where there are many people who will talk to you.

hope all will be well with you.