topic I lost a friend to suicide in Grief and loss

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 10:51:15 GMT

My heart is broken my darling friend Alen decided to take his own life over the weekend he was the sweetest soul never hurt anyone. Survivor of childhood abuse Who fought every day of his life to try and overcome it. I'm so sorry baby I wished you had of called me oh told you I was here for you any time I love you forever I will miss you xxxxxxxxx

I lost a friend to suicide

Kazzl — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 11:25:43 GMT

Hello Lonelydan

I am so very very sad to read this. My heart goes out to you our friend. The loss must feel unbearable at the moment. I want you to know that we are here for you, to support you, to cry with you. You are amongst your safe community, where you can express your grief freely.

Post if and when you want to Dan - I hope you'll let us know how you are. And please stay safe mate.

Kaz

I lost a friend to suicide

SourceShield — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 11:40:14 GMT

My prayers and thoughts are with you Dan.

And, as Kaz has said...we are here for YOU too.

Anytime.

MuchLove.

Kaitoa Wolfe

I lost a friend to suicide

Doolhof — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 21:08:14 GMT

Hi Lonelydan,

Sending you much sympathy and care. It must be extremely tough for you and all those who loved and cared for Alen to have him leave you all in this way so suddenly.

As Kaz and Kaitoa have mentioned, we, the community of caring people here at BB are here for you.

When a person takes their own life, it is very hard for the people left behind to understand and comprehend why. Please know in your heart and mind that you did not let Alen down in any way.

Sometimes those who are close to loved ones who die in any manner, may wish they had done things differently.

We can not turn the clock back, as much as we wish we could.

Thinking of you and letting you know you have support here.

From Mrs. D.

I lost a friend to suicide

MarkJT — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 21:08:51 GMT

Dan, my sincere condolences go out to you and Alen's family and friends.

As is indicated above, you have the whole BB community firmly standing beside you. We are all interlinked through our own mental health journeys, regardless of religion or race.

We are and always will be, here for you.

Rest in peace Alen.

Mark.

I lost a friend to suicide

Cornstarch — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 21:28:05 GMT

I'm so sorry Dan for your mate Alen, your grief will be really strong for a long time.

My Dad took his own life in 2010 and you'll never forget that phone call.

The horrible reality is that when someone close to you does that, for everyone that they know, their risk goes up. It is not uncommon to have two in one family or friendship circle.

Shock is an incredible drug but like all drugs it does wear off. What that means for you is that the emotions will get stronger and come up at the most odd occasions and when we least expect it.

I would have permanent arrangements set in place with a clinical psychologist and I would go to the GP today and tell them what has happened.

You don't want to find yourself in a crisis a couple of weeks/months/years from now and not have support, and you don't have to be expected to carry this alone.

Please keep communicating.

It's hard to find words in these situations, I hope you see your worth

xxxxx

I lost a friend to suicide

geoff — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 21:08:27 GMT

dear Dan, this has very much broken your heart, that you now have to cope with is unbelievably so sad for you to lose someone you loved and cared for.
Losing a friend to suicide is nothing that can ever be dismissed because it remains with you for such a long time, and I have never said this before on this site but I have lost two great friends to suicide, one who was my neighbour and the other a person I played rugby with, both in horrific circumstances, and like you I was totally shocked but more so saddened by not having them with us anymore.
We all feel for you to what has happened, but I hope you can understand that you have so many loyal friends here on this site who definitely want to listen to your grief and try and help you out. Geoff.

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 06:13:17 GMT

Hi kazzl, thankyou for your thoughtful reply. your words were so soothing and calming I can tell you must be a mum. I'm feeling ok I've picked myself off the floor again I don't think I will be able to do it another time what gets back up is becoming less human I see it in my eyes there dead I'm emotional and physically exhausted but I must go on I want my life and my baby is due any day now with my second grandchild and it's a girl that has kept me alive thank you thank you thank you for having time for me. Danny.

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 06:27:35 GMT

Hi mrs D, I would like show my deep appreciation for your reply. it means so much to me to know there a women like you in this world. its impossible not to blame yourself. I had a thought to call him that night even though I had spoken to him the day before he was ok. it will always haunt me that I didn't I know he regrets his decision I feel it. My life has been horrible but I still want it and I'm so glad there a wonderful people like you. Thanks so much. Danny...

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 06:40:05 GMT

Hi Mark, Thank you for acknowledging Allen loss and his family his sister is devastated unfortunately his parents couldn't have cared less such disgusting people makes me so angry and I'm angry at alen to. I don't have the time of day for my parents best decision I ever made to never look back. Wish alen had done the same. Again thank for taking time to reply its really appreciated. Danny..

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 07:13:25 GMT

Hi cornstarch, I've spent the last week reading so many forums and I've come across some of yours so out of my deepest respect for you I will say I'm sorry for the loss of your father and thank you for your reply I'm grateful there has been no one else. I've had full custody my sisters child since she was a baby so that has been my reason to live she knows nothing of me or my past but hiding alen loss. has caused cracks to appear I'm slipping she can see it I'm scared I don't want her to ever worry about me I found your post on male child abuse I will post there someday there are so many men here who have been repeatedly raped like me I can read In between the line it just so hard anyway thanks for taking the time for me Danny..

I lost a friend to suicide

Kazzl — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 07:16:46 GMT

Hi Danny - I am so very glad to hear from you again. I can understand that you're exhausted - shock and grief like you've experienced can sap the soul, draining us of the will to keep going. But you have that will my friend and I can't tell you how good it is to see you say 'I want my life'.

And what a brilliant reason to draw your strength together and keep going - a granddaughter! Yes I am a mum, and a wannabe grandmother. I am so happy for you (and a little bit jealous).

The circle of life Danny. The passing of one beautiful soul, the birth of another. Both touched by you, your love, your spirit. I think your own painful experiences, the depth of feeling you've known, will help you as you love and guide your new little person in the years ahead, as I'm sure it did Alen.

Very best wishes to you Danny, and thank you so much for coming back.

Kaz

I lost a friend to suicide

Lonelydan — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 07:24:59 GMT

Hi geoff, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of two friends Alens passing is the third friend I've lost. I've tried to put myself in that place I guess if you made that decision your not going to tell anyone cause they will stop you I'm still very shacken and sad but this site has been a life saver thanks to generous angels like yourself I'm so grateful you took the time to reply to this post and my other years ago. Thank you. Danny..

I lost a friend to suicide

Cornstarch — Thu, 05 Jan 2017 04:10:20 GMT

Hi Dan,

Thank you for your honesty and bravery coming forward about male childhood rape. I feel at such a loss because despite being raped myself in childhood by a violent sociopath I think male rape comes with it's own......how do I say this....complications and distinct emotions, as it does with girls.

When I was in hospital in 2016 a friend disclosed that her son had been sexually abused for approximately 5 years in his early life, & also a man in hospital a few years older than me who had had a nervous breakdown also told me he'd been abused. It was just so painful to hear because despite my experiences I sensed their torment in the distinct emotions that come with being a boy violated by a sexual predator, such as, am I gay? Did I at times enjoy it or come to enjoy it and maybe even seek it out?

If the boy is old enough unfortunately his anatomy will respond if he wants it to or not and that's the cruelty, because down the track once he wishes to seek a healthy sexual relationship, anxiety/fear/repulsion can sky rocket and it makes something that is meant to be fun and enjoyable, potentially another trauma. These are the questions and emotions my friends son is experiencing at the moment. He is distraught, gone off the rails a bit, and as a family 2016 was a very trying year. He turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the hyper vigilance and memory recall but unlike you and Alen he does have very supporting parents.

On top of the abuse it sounds like you have experienced a lot of neglect, and possibly your parents didn't deserve the privilege to be your parents and raise a beautiful son like you. I wish I had a magic wand and could replace that for you.

It's so difficult to create an Urban Family that will stand by you, because not everyone comes from a dysfunctional family and aren't forced to find love elsewhere, or they have a loving partner and don't really need an Urban Family because their needs are met in that partnership and they nest %100 with their partner. When your family is abusive and you are single, friends are super, super important. The loss of Alen would be a sharp loss, it is just so tragic, I'm devastated to hear that the pain of the neglect and abuse was just unbearable for him. Your priority is your safety, use the health system, that's what it's there for.

Words feel so useless and hollow in these situations Dan or I'd try to say more. Just because I'm not a guy I do understand a lot of what you are feeling though.

I lost a friend to suicide

SubduedBlues — Thu, 05 Jan 2017 10:40:25 GMT

Hi Dan

My sincere condolences on the loss of a good friend, I feel your pain. I think it's wonderful that you are reaching out for help so soon after this horrible event has taken place. In my own circumstance I am still haunted by the memories of suicide, but that is not what is important right now. What is important is you.

How can I help?

I lost a friend to suicide

MarkJT — Wed, 11 Jan 2017 08:36:41 GMT

Dan, you're welcome but no need to thank me. I am glad that you are back on the forum and posting. We are all here to help you as best we can through this hard period of time you are experiencing.

I am hoping that you are finding some peace.

Regards

Mark.

I lost a friend to suicide

monkey_magic — Sat, 04 Feb 2017 15:17:29 GMT

Hi lonelydan,

Found your thread,will have a read if thats OK .....