topic Preparing for Death of Loved One in Grief and loss

Preparing for Death of Loved One

ClassicExample — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 17:08:05 GMT

Hi!

My parents are in their late 50's. They are in good health and there is no reason I believe they will be passing sooner rather than later.

However, I worry about how I will deal with their eventual death. I have a history of depression and anxiety, and my folks have been a huge support. I'm concerned that losing them would be a huge blow and I would struggle to cope with their loss.

Does anyone have any tips for how to prepare for the death of loved one's? More so, in the long term. If you have lost a loved one, was there anything in particular you struggled with, or wish you'd come to be aware of sooner?

Cheers!

Preparing for Death of Loved One

Jacko777 — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 23:57:15 GMT

Hi ClassicExample,

Dealing with the death of a loved one is never easy I don't think. I think the best thing you could do is make sure you spend great times with them while they are alive, you don't want to spend your time worrying about their passing when you could be enjoying their company or being happy they are alive. Keep making lovely memories with them.

I guess you could think about where you will find other support apart from your parents. Perhaps this could be your friends or a partner, professionals, or new friendships you can make, even on this site.

As sure as the sun rises it must also set. Bask in the sunlight while the sun is out, try not to give energy to something that might not happen for a long time; it takes practice.

Jack

Preparing for Death of Loved One

Neil_1 — Mon, 15 Jun 2015 03:45:18 GMT

Hi there classicexample

I’d like to back up Jacko’s post and agree totally with what he had to say and suggest to you.

Late 50’s – in good health – no reason to believe that they can’t go on until mid to late 80’s – hey, but don’t hold me to that. But if that be the case, then that’s another 30 years of Melbourne Cups that’ll happen, 30 more AFL and NRL seasons and most probably about 7 more Olympic games to occur before then also.

What I’m saying is, they’ve got a whole lotta living to do, as indeed do you and as Jacko said, create as many memories of AWESOME times as you can.

Holidays are great, gosh, I could go into a whole stack of other stuff as well, but I hope between this short message and Jacko’s that you’ve got the idea.

And for as much as you can, push back any thoughts of death and subsequent feelings. I’ve lived and am still living through three episodes of death from my own family and I HATE it. I don’t often use the “h” word, but I hate having to live without my dad, my mum, and my bro. You’re in a situation where you shouldn’t be thinking about this at all – and as the late Marc Hunter sang out in his song, Celebration – “Celebrate good times, come on”. Or to a slightly different style with Madonna in her early days, with the song Holiday, “It’s time for the good times, forget about the bad times, oh yeah, we neeeeeeed a holiday”.

Ok, I’ll shut up for now.

Neil

Preparing for Death of Loved One

BKYTH — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 10:50:28 GMT

I feel that confronting death, since it is inevitable in all our lives, is important. We live in a world which would rather avoid the subject than to discuss it openly but in doing that we miss what it can teach us. Death teach's me that I can take nothing for granted - Imagine how many people world wide got up as usual today not knowing that that was the last day of their lives. If you exclude the elderly, the ill, and those living in dangerous environments (such as war zones for example ) I think the number would be quite large. Death is no respecter of age or circumstance nor does it exhibit any sense of justice as any news broadcast will attest to. Don't assume that you will outlive your parents as that may not be the case. The best way to prepare for the death of loved ones is never to put anything off - If there is something you would wish to say to them say it. If there is something you want to do for them do it - Don't put it off and regard every moment you spend with them as a gift, because that is actually what it is. Death teach's me to act now as everything in the future is not in my control and 'one day' may never arrive as you would wish it to. One day I got a phone call and the voice said that my mother had had a massive stroke and was dead - Such calls are not uncommon. Death can be as close as the next knock on your door. My greatest regret is that I could never tell her that I loved her and when that call came what I was informed of was that now I never could. Again. Take nothing for granted. Plan nothing for the future that you can do now and that will make all the difference in the world. Learn from death how to act and live 'now'. In the moment so much is possible. Use it well. Philip.