topic And will he not come again? in Grief and loss

And will he not come again?

Cymru — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 10:19:25 GMT

... But let it be. Horatio, I am dead; Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied.

Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left.

As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. O good Horatio, what a wounded name, Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me! If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.

Hamlet

For those who follow these post, you might know that my dear son Nick hastened into this god night. Well, it is now almost 6 months ago, but only last night.

But I feel cursed. Suicide seems a family trait.My father. my son, others. These past few months have been as bad as you can imagine. Oh, I have a few supportive friends, a partner who tolerates and cares for me in equal measure and doctors who are wise in when to express sympathy and when to challenge. Most others are useless. My bosses way of support was to advise that they didn't feel I'm "a good fit" at this time. I little cared. We maddies are use to platitudes.

Anyway, I'm posting this by way of reassuring BB online monitors, who I feared interpreted a previous post that I may be suicidal. To praraphrase one of my favourite TV shows Sling and Arrows, when the lead character Geoffory Tennant is ask by a Police Officer after a pub brawl if he is a suicide risk, he quibs "isn't everybody" But for myself,I'm more like Haratio than Hamlet. I wish I wasn't. And there are never gurrantees. My doctor finds it acceptable that I've no wish to add to his gallery of the dead but it is a professional hazard. He sort to reassure me that my father and son would have been in a dissociatiated state when they died. I'm not completely convinced. I certainly reserve it for myself to die I chose clear headed. But we have a safety plan; I report in, take my medication, follow advice and stay away from dangerous locations.

I find solance is Ophelia's lament. "And will he not come again? And will he not come again? No, no, he is dead: Go to thy death-bed: He never will come again. His beard was as white as snow, All flaxen was his poll: He is gone, he is gone, And we cast away moan: God ha' mercy on his soul! And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be wi' ye."

Anyway, allow me m pain. It tells me Nick was alive and I loved him. Its my journey and I would wish anyone else to join me.

And will he not come again?

white knight — Sun, 07 Jun 2015 06:22:11 GMT

Hi Cymru

Moderators are human too.

In the 1745 posts I've posted here most as a champion volunteer, there have been a handful or more that I've regretted posting. Usually the next day I recall the post and think to myself how over reactive or firm I was when I could have been softer. Or, I was taken for a ride by someone that simply wanted sympathy, seemingly wasting my time.

It isnt easy to get it right every time.

Also us humans can easily be misinterpreted. The dreaded computer style communication is terrible for that.

Finally our sensitivity. On average far worse than Mr average's level.

Take all those and mix them well and you have a bit of hurt happening.

Take care Tony WK

And will he not come again?

Cymru — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 11:38:13 GMT

I guess it must be difficult being a moderators on this forum, Tony. I'm often unsure of what I feel, so who knows how my expressions come out. And yes, text is an odd medium. I occasionally teach business communication and advice that if you want to be understood, don't send an e-mail. I miss Nick so much.

And will he not come again?

Doolhof — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 22:02:20 GMT

Dear Cymru,

Thank you for showing us it is okay to share your pain and your anguish.

How often are we told either verbally or non verbally that our suffering is not to be shared and it is certainly not understood or accepted by some.

I am so very sorry to read how strong your sorrow is over the death of Nick.

I don't have any Shakespeare to share with you, just a heart that knows and comprehends grief.

From Lauren

And will he not come again?

Neil_1 — Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:34:45 GMT

Hi there cymru

I just want you to know that you can come here and post about Nick as often as you would like. Open up and talk about him, in any way you wish.

We’ll be here to read it and to see the love and the care that you have for him.

Just wanted you to know that.

Neil