topic My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope in Grief and loss

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Simone1974 — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 09:22:19 GMT

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope. Been having panic attacks and my anxiety is sky high. Am seeing a councilor and have been to see my doctor. Never been through grief before. It's just horrible. Any tips to help would be appreciated 🙂

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Neil_1 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 01:34:09 GMT

Dear Simone

Ohhhhhh, I’m so terribly sorry to hear that your Mum has passed away. These are the worst times possible for us … death is a part of life, but it’s a part that is nigh on impossible to ever get used too. Especially when it takes someone so close, so dear, so loved and someone who means so much to us.

Simone, you’re absolutely right … it’s a horrible horrible feeling. I hope by you coming on here, it might be able to provide you with some comfort and support during this time.

I’ve lost my closest brother and also my Dad, who was just the most brilliant Dad/father you could have ever had … and even those these two occurred a long time ago, I still grieve for both of them.

You’re doing an excellent thing by seeing your Doctor and also to see a councillor as well. I hope that these appointments provided a little help for you. And please try and see these as often as you feel you need.

Do you have other family members/friends who are able to support you during this time as well?? These are times when you need people to lean on … shoulders to cry on. As much as you can, try not to bottle things up inside … it will be better if you can let your feelings go and cry cry and cry if you feel the need.

One last thing before I send this … is something you “might” want to do, but only if you think it feels right; if you don’t, absolutely don’t do it. And that’s to write her a letter. Express in the letter your feelings, some memories, happy times, sad times … it can be as big as you want it, or as little as you want it. It’s a letter that will never be sent; it’s for you as a kind of healing process; but again, only if you feel comfortable doing so. I wrote one up for my brother … and then when we had the opportunity to ‘visit him once last time’ before the funeral, I went to see him (alone) … I read the letter out to him and then I placed it in the envelope and placed it in the coffin with him.

Please write back whenever you feel able … and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Kind regards

Neil

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Simone1974 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 07:35:48 GMT

Hi Neil. I did write my mum a letter and placed it with her before the funeral, it was the most surreal experience I've ever had. Still can't believe that it's actually happened , as her death was totally unexpected. I talk to her photos constantly and I even have her wedding rings on my necklace . Just miss her like crazy. I'm lucky to have a very supportive boyfriend and friends who have been great . My dad and me are like best mates so we support each other . Everyone keeps telling me that in time I'll feel better but I just can't see it at the moment. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad and brother. It's just the most awful feeling. I wouldn't even wish it upon my worst enemy.

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Neil_1 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 08:37:04 GMT

Hi Simone

I'm so pleased you were able to write your letter ... it's an amazing thing as when I was writing it, I was thinking 'hmmmm, perhaps this sounds really weird to be telling you this' and yet, you've gone and done the letter thing as well. Perhaps it's a more popular custom than I first thought.

Simone it sounds like you have such a warm and beautiful family. That's such a wonderful thing to be able to wear your mum's wedding rings on your necklace. I can just imagine how that makes you feel ... my Mum gave me my Dad's watch. I treasure it like you wouldn't believe.

You know what, people will say that it will get better. That's kind of a generic thing that humans do at these times. They feel they've gotta say something and that's the stock standard thing to say. Hey, I'm not having a go at all ... because for a lot of people, they haven't had death to experience themselves, but even for those who have, ... you know what, I'm not really making sense with this. Sorry.

That is really wonderful that your boyfriend is so supportive ... I say, hang on to that one. 🙂

Simone, you relationship with your Dad ... wow, I just feel so tingly about that, because that's how me and my Dad were. I'm so pleased that you've got that relationship ... cherish it and do all you can with your Dad and as you say, you're already supporting each other. It must be so incredibly tough for your Dad.

Do you know my brother was in 1991 and my Dad was 2007 and my Mum still says goodnight to both of them each night.

For you and your Dad right now ... this is still so raw and with a death being unexpected makes it some how so much worse ... it hits you for a six and beyond.

Please write here as often as you feel ok to do so ... and i'll try my best to give my support to you. But do lean on your boyfriend ... and make sure you get as many appointments to your GP and your counsellor as you feel you want. That's so incredibly important.

I pass on my best wishes to your Dad also.

Kind regards

Neil

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Jo3 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 09:10:08 GMT

Hi Simone

It's great to see that you have come on here to chat with others who understand what you're going through.

I am sorry to read that you lost your mum. It is a very hard time for you but we are here to support you.

It's good that you are seeing a counsellor and your GP. Did they recommend any medication to help you with the anxiety and panic attacks?

I lost my 23 yr old niece in September last year to suicide. I was devastated and cried for weeks. I still struggle when I think of her and how young she died.

I also lost my 90 yr old grandma last Friday and had the funeral yesterday. That was a very hard day.

Grieving is a very personal thing for people to deal with in their own way. And everyone is different so it doesn't matter how long it takes you to grieve, you need to do it. We are here to help you when you need us.

You know it's so nice to see that you have a close relationship with your dad. You have each other for support with is great.

Hope you can come back and chat with us again.

Pls take care

Jo xx

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope

Lillybell — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 13:59:53 GMT

Hi Simone, I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. What is so strange is that death is as normal as birth and yet its effects are anything but normal. My best friend's mother died when my friend was 13. I witnessed her grief but I didn't understand it because I'd never experienced grief over the death of someone close to me. I was 33 before I lost someone close and that was my brother to suicide. It was a very drastic way to be introduced to death. I'm now about to turn 50 and death has now become something I am begrudgingly familiar with. I don't have any answers about how to cope with the grief. All I can say is that it is part of what it means to be human. And what I do know is that we carry the memory of those that we've lost, always. Your Mum will always be a part of you, no matter how old you become or what happens in your life.