topic Share special days/celebrations from different culture here in Multicultural experiences

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 19:10:29 GMT

Hi all,

I thought it would be a good idea for us to have a thread where we share special and discuss celebrations from different culture(s).

It would be great to learn from (and celebrate with) one another.

People from all cultural backgrounds are welcome 🙂

So anything from Christmas to Hannukah to Children’s Day in Japan to many others of course 🙂

I would like to start by saying:

Today is the lunar new year 🙂 It’s the year of the Dog.

Happy lunar new year to all who our Chinese, Chinese-Australian or Australian (and anyone else too) who celebrates this important day.

Wishing everyone health, love and kindness.

Pepper xoxo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 20:26:55 GMT

Thank you Pepper,

What a lovely idea! Happy New year!

In the context of mental health, depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc cultural celebrations could go either way: on one hand bring people within certain groups together and foster fellowship, togetherness, pride, a sense of belonging and sharing traditions that have been embedded in their ethnic or religious origins for a long time and which often are synonymous with that particular culture and people’s identity or beliefs.

On the other hand these could also be difficult times for many who suffer mentally as they may feel pressured to partake in rituals and celebrations and this expectation causes them tremendous stress and anxiety. (And costs a lot).

If people choose to participate they may be painfully reminded that they don’t fit in, and further feel the impact of stigma within them.

If they choose to abstain, they may feel isolated and could be further criticized by their community and family. It’s a difficult situation either way for many people for a variety of reasons.

Personally, I often dread celebrations like Christmas or Easter etc as I suffer from social anxiety and depression and get panic attacks.

My mood swings also make it very difficult to commit to attending any event or gathering and always am indecisive and ambivalent which usually is interpreted by my peers and friends as being elitist or snobbish.

When people ask me what I’ll do on such and such day in regards to celebrations I usually respond by saying ‘avoid it’.

On the weekend the Greek community celebrated yet another Antipodes festival in Londsdale Street, one which for the 32nd consecutive year I didn’t attend! I’m not sure why but I totally panic and I’m like a dog with fireworks!

On the topic of fireworks though, I do enjoy sometimes to drive through and see them during New Year’s Eve! (If I’m awake) But from a distance and in the safety of my car.

Growing up in Greece, the biggest tradition was roasting a whole lamb on the spit during Easter. (Adopted from the Jewish Passover). But one of my favorites as a child was New Year’s Eve as Santa Claus in Greece visits on that night and the opening of the gifts takes place then instead of Xmas. Traditionally people gather, eat and drink and dance and play cards and other games all night through to welcome the new year.

What are other people’s reactions to big events and cultural or religious celebrations? Particularly in regards to the impact on mental health?

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Quercus — Sat, 17 Feb 2018 15:45:01 GMT

Hi Pepper (and a wave to Donte' and a welcome to everyone reading...).

What a great idea for a thread. I think cultural celebrations are a minefield for mental health issues. Well they are for me at least.

Usually because of my low self esteem my lack of knowledge makes me berate myself for being stupid or insensitive. And also I feel left out by my language barrier.

An example... Easter. At Easter hubby's family make a basket to be blessed with holy water. Meats and boiled eggs (and chocolate sometimes) and salt and pepper and bread and greenery. Later we have a meal together and the eggs and sausage go in a sour soup. It is a beautiful tradition.

My drama. Everyone speaks Polish and can follow what is happening (except me). Hubby can't translate while the priest is speaking, it would be rude. Everyone sings and chats and I love the atmosphere. I love taking our kids there. But it also makes me feel really sad.

My family don't do anything like this. The last time I went to my church was before my Grandad passed. I don't have this connection in my Australian side... So I want so badly to belong in my husband's culture. But I don't.

I would like to hear about other traditions. It is lovely to be able to know when people might be struggling (like how many struggle at Christmas time).

Happy New Year to you Pepper.

❤Nat

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Sat, 17 Feb 2018 23:43:37 GMT

Hello Quercus and welcome to this thread!

Your post made me reflect on my ethnic and religious traditions (Greek), as they are celebrated by thousands here in Australia, ie Christmas, Easter, Independence Day, Antipodes Festival, carnival etc

As the Greek community is very large (second largest ethnic minority in Australia, after the Italians), you get the Greece-born or Cyprus-born, Macedonia-born, Egypt-born or Asia Minor-born Greek migrants who are ‘1st generation’ migrants (like myself), who are fluent in Greek and predominantly engage in their native tongue. The ‘2nd generation’ Greeks are the Australian-born children of the migrants - mostly in their 40s+ age group. The ‘3rd and 4th generation’ are the children of the Australian-born Greeks. There are also the partners from cross cultural relationships who marry or live de facto with Greek partners and the ‘mixed’ children from these relationships. Even within this simplistic breakdown of the Greek community in Australia there are many other variations.

The language proficiency and usage within each of the above mentioned groups vary enormously. (My daughter for example, as I have mentioned before, doesn’t speak a word of Creek - she’s a third generation as her Mum is Greek born in Australia also from migrant parents). I know that the same integration process is applicable to every other community. I have Italian friends, Jewish neighbors, German, Aboriginal, Polish, Russian, Chinese and many others and this is certainly the case with all.

As time goes by, the community and it’s religious and cultural leaders and institutions are replaced and represented by younger ones (second generation), who take up leading roles as the pioneers retire or die. English language often is introduced more and more as the second and third generations have English as their primary language and many are in cross cultural relationships and form ‘mixed’ families or remarry to people of other communities who already have children from their first marriages, thus English inevitably becomes the predominant language.

You'll find nowadays that even weddings and christenings and funerals in many Greek Orthodox churches are conducted in English.

I guess what I’m saying is that you are most certainly not alone. You are no different to the second or third generation Polish children who do not speak Polish. Your husband’s family of origin may be more traditional but you’ll find that all is about to change once they are gone.

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Sun, 18 Feb 2018 11:08:34 GMT

I was thinking Pepper, that being the year of the dog maybe would be good to hear from different people on their experiences of having a dog and the benefits to their wellbeing and mental health. Also, how having pets is viewed in different cultures and what links if any are made within specific cultural settings between pets and mental health.

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Sun, 18 Feb 2018 21:39:27 GMT

Hi lovely people,

Thank you for the wonderful replies 🙂

Everyone is welcome here and all celebrations and special days are open to discussion (whatever your angle).

Donte’: Thank you very much for your reply. As always, I enjoy reading your posts and learning more about your cultural heritage and opinion on various topics. Thanks, happy new year to you too 🙂

You made an excellent point about how celebrations often mean different things to different people. There’s a whole range of responses from positive to negative to anything in between.

Christmas and Easter do sound like they elicit a lot of difficult emotions in you. I suppose some people take it for granted that celebrations are joyous occasions for “all” without considering how that isn’t always the case. “Avoid(ing) it” seems like the perfect response. It’s direct and probably gets the message across.

It’s interesting for me to learn about the Antipodes Festival. I’m feeling so ignorant as I’ve never heard of it before. It sounds like it’s an important event in the Greek community (or at least for those who choose to celebrate it).

Maybe it’s just not for you and that’s perfectly okay. The panic must be awful so it’s understandable if you want to sit it out.

New Year’s Eve in Greece sounds like a series of cherished childhood memories for you. Those must have been special occasions for you and it also sounds like a lot of fun.

Oh yes, I agree with you it’s a good idea to have a pets thread to discuss their role in people’s mental health support and recovery. I think there’s an existing pets thread lurking around somewhere by someone called Ggrand (or “Grandy”). Maybe type “pets” in the BeyondBlue search engine?

Thanks again. Always a pleasure 🙂

Quercus: Thank you and happy new year to you too ❤️

Your feelings of wanting to “belong” and be a part of something comes across in your post. You clearly miss going to church with your grandad, and perhaps feelings of peace and connection that is associated with it.

I wonder if it would be a possibility for you to visit that church (or another church of the same faith) by yourself or even with your husband. Just an idea...maybe you could rekindle an old family tradition.

Your husband’s Polish Easter traditions sound really special. Beautiful too. It must be a little bittersweet because while it’s wondeful to be a part of it, perhaps you also feel like an “outsider” too at times (even if it’s no one’s intention).

Thank you all...

Pepper xo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Sun, 18 Feb 2018 22:05:40 GMT

Thank you for the replies, Donte’ and Quercus 🙂

Please don’t tell me that I cancelled my own post as I’ve done it before. Sighs...

I wrote a longer reply earlier and I’m not sure what I’ve done with it.

In the mean time, I wanted to say thank you and wait it out before trying to re-type it.

Thank you 🙂

Pepper xo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 10:58:22 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thank you for summarizing it so well and in such an articulate way! Yes, you are right: Christmas and Easter bring up difficult emotions in me. It could be partly as growing up in a Seventh-day Adventist family in Athens, my parents viewed these celebrations as pagan and non-biblical and as a child I was always reprimanded for wanting to be part of them. It was an 'evil to be avoided. So I was envious of other children and often cried myself to sleep wishing I had different parents and wanting to belong to a 'normal' family instead of the one I was in. Of course now I know there's no normality and it's all a matter of perception with nothing wrong or right, but it took me fifty years to get to that realization.

As a child it was pretty traumatic feeling I was an outsider. Friends and relatives and neighbors calling me names and treating me as the weirdo simply because I was born in a family who believed differently from the rest of the society. Little did anyone knew that I despised my parents for that. I never chose to be stigmatised because of their beliefs. So, on one hand I had extreme pressure to conform from the outside and huge push to not conform and stand out, from the inside.

For a child this is a truly confusing and unsettling situation that makes you question reality and not letting you feel that you belong anywhere. This has caused a lot of mental health issues for me, together with my sexuality and sexual abuse as a child.

The Antipodes festival is celebrated in Australia to commemorate two major events: Greek Orthodox Virgin Mary annunciation and Independence day of 25 March. Again, as I grew up believing that icons and worship of saints and Mary are unbiblical and idolatry, I rejected the idea of partaking in this event.

Separating religion and State was almost impossible in Greece prior to the 80's when the first socialist government in history was elected and civil rights and human rights came to the forefront. That was when civil weddings became equally lawful and popular, people didn't have to christened their children in order to give them their name, women's & gay rights started rising, all religions became equally recognized under the law etc. As a teenager in the 80's I was in the midst of these drastic social reforms that swept the country in order for Greece to be acceptable in the European Union and this shaped me and my identity. New Year's Eve on the other hand was non-religious so I have fond memories of this.

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 20:49:13 GMT

Hi Donte’,

Thanks for sharing a little more about yourself and why you hold your views on certain Greek traditions.

I like this:

Of course now I know there's no normality and it's all a matter of perception with nothing wrong or right, but it took me fifty years to get to that realization.

I agree with you. Sometimes it’s so easy to forget that so-called right or wrong is often a matter of perception. What is “wrong” to one might be “right” to another. Perception indeed...

Any kind of abuse suffered as a child is absolutely horrendous and traumatic. The sexual abuse, plus everything else, must have had (have) an enormous impact on your life course and your mental health. Thank you so much for sharing...it’s not something easy to share so I think you’re very brave to do so.

You seem to have felt like an outsider as a child in so many ways. An outsider in the general Greek community as well as an outsider within the family home. It must have been a very lonely and confusing time.

So I’m particularly happy to hear you were able to witness change sweep through Greece in the 80s. What an interesting time that must have been?!

Pepper xo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 23:06:18 GMT

Thank you Pepper,

It’s true. I am very aware of the causes of trauma in my life but also how all these negative impacts contributed to the development of my resilience and stubbornness to survive and live a life to the fullest with whatever means I have available . In a way my anger and rage has motivated me to find creative ways to deal with my issues and particularly the things that cannot he undone.

The fact that I never felt I belonged helped me develop a strong sense of self identity and became independent and self-reliant. I have only myself to thank and only myself to blame sort of thing! I grew up. Was forced to become an adult at a very early age and look after myself and this is what I do. Looking back, I’m thankful for everything as I love who I am right now and no matter where I’ve been all that matters is where I am now. I’m at peace, calm and happy with my own self, my life, past and present and have befriended my future.

My parents, my society, my culture, my religion, and all the other contributing factors that pushed me to the edge actually helped me find out what I do not want and who I don’t want to resemble, so by rejecting and denying them I created my own path.

In the words of the great Nick Kazantzakis, ‘

‘I’m not afraid of anything,

I do not believe in anything,

I do not hope for anything, - I am free’.

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Thu, 22 Feb 2018 19:51:25 GMT

Hi Donte’ and all readers,

I want to thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post as well as the life affirming and empowering quote 🙂

You seem to take full ownership of your own life and actions. It must be a very empowering way to live.

I feel life paths that society, culture, etc tries to impose on a person isn’t always suitable or appropriate for everyone. I understand sometimes people, like you, have to walk away from what they’ve been taught to follow their own path. It takes courage to do that...

Seeing as you shared a quote, I would like to share some famous words that I feel complements Kazantzakis’ quote. As an aside, I shared this quote recently on another thread too.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself.

- Nietzsche

Pepper xo

P.S. Thanks for your replies to some of my other posts (multicultural forum). I’ll get back to you next week 🙂

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Thu, 22 Feb 2018 20:50:53 GMT

Thank you Pepper,

What an amazing truth! It represents me very well.

The way I’ve experienced it is like a wall that parents, school, society builds slowly and gradually but surely around the individual. It’s a useful and often necessary wall to protect, help grow, provide boundaries and definitions which serve towards self identity. However, it’s each individual’s role to deconstruct this wall, pick up each brick, every stone and throw it as far away as possible in order to free ourselves from the heavy weights of expectations, restrictions and conditioning that suffocates our spirit and kills our authenticity. It is our duty to question, put to the test and examine thoroughly all the ideas and beliefs that the system wants us to adopt and see if they serve us and contribute towards our growth and development to reach our full potential as human beings in the very limited time we have in our one and only life time. I wouldn’t wanna miss out in this unique opportunity to leave my mark and make a difference just simply out of fear to rock the boat.

Every society moves forward only by individuals who are willing to break the mould and dare to be different. The rest just follow along with often their heads down I find.

Well, I like creating my own splash in the sea of consciousness rather than ride the waves. X

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Birdy77 — Tue, 27 Feb 2018 04:26:26 GMT

Hi Pepper and everyone 😊

I just wanted to say Happy Mardi Gras! Coming up this weekend.

Although it's a Sydney festival, there are lots of us around Australia who feel this is a celebratory day for LGBTQI people and their loved ones.

Maybe extra special this year as it's the first one since SSM became legal here, finally.

Love to all xo

🌻birdy

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Tue, 27 Feb 2018 20:08:42 GMT

Hi Donte’, Quercus, Birdy and all,

Donte’: You’re most welcome 🙂

This was beautiful:

I like creating my own splash in the sea of consciousness rather than ride the waves.

True, I agree that often moving forward and making important changes was (and is) down to individuals who paved the way. This is especially true if certain norms and traditions feel unjust or even unsuitable for certain individuals.

Birdy: hello to you 🙂

Happy Mardi Gras to you and everyone else too!

Thanks for reminding us. I didn’t even realise it was this soon.

True, it is a particularly momentous one this year considering it’s the first since the legalisation of SSM. Something to be remembered and celebrated for sure.

One of my offline friends who is gay, and who campaigned hard, will finally be able to marry should he choose to do so. He’s not seeing anyone at the moment but that’s beside the point; I feel the point is SSM is about equal rights/human rights.

Will you be doing something special during the Mardi Gras?

Pepper xoxo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 04:33:34 GMT

During a conversation with my brother we happen to discuss diversity and respect. I mentioned a neighbor who is vegan and finds it very difficult when attending Xmas or Easter lunch or dinner with family or friends. The mere sight of turkey and lamb roast and other animal products on the table makes her sick. She’s really trying to not make it obvious. She truly wants to blend in and is not interested in making it an issue.

Last Xmas she brought her own vegetarian lunch with her at the family gathering. Again, it wasn’t arrogance or anything, just knew from previous years there wouldn’t be anything there that wasn’t dipped in animal fats and juices so she made her own arrangements and hoped no one would be offended. Unfortunately, this action brought family conflict and a fight erupted. My neighbor had to leave the family home.

Isn’t it interesting that people demand their traditions and beliefs being respected but they can’t accomodate, tolerate or accept anyone who has different views? Diversity is for all not just for you.

What about respecting someone who doesn’t participate in whatever ritual is important to you? Isn’t this meant to be a two-way street? You can’t have your cake and eat it too!

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Birdy77 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 23:07:22 GMT

Hi Everyone 😊

With a late reply to you Pepper, i didn't do anything for Mardi Gras, just the usual, sit on the back deck with a wine 🍷 and watch the sunset 🌅

Donte', your latest post hit home for me for a few reasons.

Family celebrations such as Christmas and (oh my goodness it's almost here) Easter are a royal pain in my butt. I will share:

1. My partner and i are vegan. We always bring platters full of our homecooked vegan food, enough for everybody to share. When this first started, my partner's mother was so angry and insulted "oh so you don't like my cooking anymore?! You'll never eat my schnitzel anymore?!" She was so angry that she cried. After i explained to her it's nothing to do with her cooking, it's an ethical decision we've made ... it didn't really calm her down, but eventually started to look forward to seeing what we'll bring. But ... drama!

2. My partner and i are lesbians. We have been in a committed relationship for six years and own our home together, looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. My partner's parents accept me 100% and in fact said they'd be happy if we marry. However, to any visitor to the house when we are there visiting i am introduced in this blasé offhand manner "this is one of ***'s friends". Not even "this is ***'s friend" but "one of ..."

3. My partner and i have decided not to have children. We have given it a lot of thought, and have reasons, but one of my partner's siblings has children. They had one child, and they can't afford it financially, and then had a second, and are draining my partner's parents financially, and mooching off them. But because they provided grandchildren, they are the golden people, and we are disregarded as not much chop because we're not "growing the family".

So, i am not looking forward to the next gathering, as you may have worked out 😂.

That was quite a rant! I shall step down now.

🌻birdy

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Donte — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 06:06:55 GMT

I hear you Birdy77!

Loud and clear!

Luckily I have no family in Australia and my daughter always works on public holidays as is double pay! No Easter for me! And I can’t remember if I mentioned that I’m also lactose intolerant! Hahaa no chocolate eggs or bunnies either!

Funnily enough, even though I’m the gay son, I am the only one with a child! My brother and his wife are unable to have children! So our family has only grown from the one and only gay offspring!

Isn’t life interesting? X

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 17:48:49 GMT

Hi all,

I’m so sorry it has taken me a while to get back here. It’s wondeful to see people like Birdy and Donte’ keeping this thread active 🙂

Donte’: I think your opening paragraph (in your second most recent response) about respecting diversity sums it all up nicely 🙂

Yes, I agree that some people have a very one-sided view that only their own beliefs and traditions should be respected and/or hold “precedence” above others’ beliefs. It must have been a horrible experience for your neighbour...

Birdy: Your relaxed evening during the Mardi Gras sounds as though it was was nice a relaxed 🙂

I can relate to your feelings about family gatherings...let’s just say I’m not a huge fan of them either.

I’m glad your mum’s partner eventually came around in the end. Although it must have been rough initially...I feel sometimes people don’t seem to understand that not everything is about “them” and to not take everything personally. E.g. it wasn’t a personal affront about her cooking, it was about you and your partner’s ethics.

Being introduced as your partner’s “friend” would hurt a lot. I feel it seems your partner’s family, at this point in time, is happy to accept you behind closed doors but not to the outside world. That would really sting especially as I doubt that it would happen if their daughter was in a heterosexual relationship.

Your 3rd point is the one that I personally relate to most as I don’t want my own children either. I will never hear the end of it from my extended family (who have an opinion on everything I do or don’t do, and feel the need to express it...repeatedly).

I feel sometimes, and even if it’s not necessarily with bad intentions, some people have this perception that it’s not a “complete” life unless one chooses to have their own children. I feel neither decision (to have or not have children) is necessarily better or worse than the other. Just different.

Yet I often feel that one is regarded more highly than the other, that is, the decision to have child(ten). I long for the day where the decision to have (or not) have children is viewed as equally valid and respectful.

Not to mention a whole other group who want children but can’t physically have them or end up in circumstances where they are unable to e.g. relationships falling apart, adoption not being affordable, etc.

Anyway, thank you all for your wonderful insight 🙂

It was St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday so happy St Patrick’s Day to anyone who celebrates that day 🙂

Pepper xo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Sun, 18 Mar 2018 19:44:44 GMT

Hi Birdy,

Sorry, I accidentally wrote your “mum’s partner.” I meant your partner’s mum.

Pepper xoxo

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

Peppermintbach — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 10:50:05 GMT

Hi all,

Today is Harmony Day in Australia 🙂

It’s a day that celebrates:

- cultural diversity

- promotes respect and inclusiveness

Happy Harmony Day!

Pepper