topic Love needs no passport! in Multicultural experiences

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 22:36:04 GMT

With 46% of our population being born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas (ABS Data), representing more than 200 ethnicities and 135 religions, is inevitable that people will mingle, associate, deal, and develop relationships with others who may be of a very different background and belief system than them, speaking a different language not only in words but worldview in general. Australia is one of the most diverse place on earth and people are daily exposed to a variety of cultural, religious, social elements that enrich, challenge, expand our minds and human experience. Children born in our multicultural world have even further chances to have best friends and later lovers or partners from very different backgrounds to ours. They’re certainly growing up in a very different reality to the one we grew up in. So how do we effectively deal with differences? What religion to follow? What language to speak? What community to choose to be a part of? Cross-cultural relationships and interracial marriages are on the rise. How does this affect our mental health? What happens when our family becomes our worst enemy? When dynamics change because of cross-cultural communication or strife? How do we navigate the complexities surrounding racial or religious differences? Who do we talk to? How can we meet half-way? And can we? What’s your experience?

Love needs no passport!

Bethie — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 23:08:06 GMT

Seems easy. Let the Mums have coffee together..

OK maybe not as straight forward as that but people socilising together even if it's just saying hi to someone they normally wount helps.

I was brought up as racists extreme being told I was a Angle as in blond hair blue eyes with the worst of white power beliefs inc religious views but that said it was not hard to break free. All it took was being forced to talk to others, then I started seeing that there is good and bad in any culture. At the blood bank nobody looks at blood and sees who it comes from...

If we honestly want to keep growing people need respect.. a Muslim lady covering her head is just the same as a christian wearing a cross. It's part of who they are and are proud.

I'd challenge anyone to just say hi to 1 person you would normally not each day for 1 week and see that people are just that people

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 00:25:32 GMT

What a beautiful outlook Bethie! The only way to be in a multicultural society where you will come face to face with different people from diverse backgrounds, with variety of belief systems and traditions and languages! The world is such a colorful place and Australia is one of the best microcosm reflecting this diversity. The apartment block I live in has more than 100 flats and I can tell you, 100+ ethnicities! I cannot take the rubbish down without coming face to face with a diversity of people, some from very different backgrounds to mine. That's one of the things I enjoy about this country. Being part of a huge tapestry of people making up the fabric of our society with no other basic common thread to keep us living peacefully but respect for each other and valuing differences. When it comes to mental health, which is the main focus of this forum, I'd like to know how living in such richly diverse environment assists in our recovery or hinders it. How do we deal with cultural and religious differences particularly in an intimate relationship? I think as a society we are moving from multiculturalism to 'interculturalism' where integration takes place and each community starts to mingle and adapt to each other developing a new 'culture', the second and third generation of Australians born of migrant parents who intermarry and have cross-cultural/cross-religious relationships that transcend language and country of origin. Growth as human beings and mutual respect together with a healthy curiosity and willingness to explore and learn from each other is a good step towards the formation of a positive environment. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Just Sara — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 02:32:18 GMT

Hi Donte' and Bethie;

I come from an inter-racial marriage (Anglo decent, now divorced and ex is deceased) with a son who struggles with his identity.

When we first separated I was pregnant. Contact with my ex, in-laws and friends from his cultural (Sinhalese) community became non existent. As my son grew older, I tried desperately to find relevant cultural connections for him without success.

My little boy was the only student in the school from his culture and; with dark skin. I asked my ex to become involved in his life with little interest from him, searched locally including the city council for Sinhalese families and even wrote to the consulate for advice. They were confused by my request but understood my predicament.

We lived in a semi rural community where cultural diversity wasn't as pronounced as metro areas. (Where my ex lived) I felt helpless when my son began to identify with Indigenous Australians because he saw his 'colour' as the dominant factor of his identity.

Australians now have access to information, to connect, participate and ask for help via the internet. My son at that time though, relied on me and I failed him as did his father.

I'm grateful to the internet for providing support and services that link individuals and families who may be in similar situations to mine. It's a blessing I would've appreciated back then.

6 yrs ago my son met his father, his wife and their two children (his siblings) for the first time. I promoted relationships between them wholeheartedly until my ex died. Although he stays in touch with his other family, his identity still favours Indigenous culture.

I will say, at my ex's funeral my son participated and contributed to the ancient religious process with respect and honour; I'm so proud of him. It helped to ease this burden I've carried for many yrs.

I don't know if my story's in line with this thread. I apologise if it isn't. I haven't spoken about this for a long time, so thank you for giving me an outlet to do so.

Kind regards;

Sez

Love needs no passport!

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 03:24:54 GMT

I think there are two different issues here. Firstly we live in a multicultural society so we need to learn to respect each other. I lived in a migrant hostel for nearly 4 years. I was bullied badly. Unsure how much was due to the cultural differences but I do remember being called names by Australians at school even though I was English & therefore not that different. This bullying has resulted in long term self-esteem issues, depression & anxiety. The effects of that bullying are still with me almost 60 years later. As parents we need to teach our children to respect & accept others regardless of their background. I think programs should be implemented at least at school if not elsewhere to teach all of us about the different cultures & religions which make up our society. The media has a lot of influence which is often negative. For example if someone does something wrong the media states their religion or culture giving the public the impression that that behaviour is the norm for that group. Negative stereotyping leads directly to tensions between groups & increases the risks of bullying & other similar behaviours which based on my experience has long term mental health consequences.

The other issue is intimate relationships between people of different cultures. While I think we can be learn to be friends with people from different backgrounds we need to be cautious about entering into intimate relationships. Differences in attitudes re major issues such as parenting, discipline etc can become a source of conflict. My daughter is married to someone of a very different culture. She spent a long time checking out his attitudes to all the important issues before commiting to a long term relationship. In her case it works because they have enough in common & where they differ they have agreed to compromise. Nevertheless there is still problems as the MIL tries to pressure them into bringing the children up according to her ideas which differs drastically from my daughters & leaves my SIL caught between his mother & wife. Interracial relationships can work but need to be entered into with caution & open eyes to ensure both sides are able to make to required compromises. Broken relationships particularly when children are involved are stressful for all particularly the innocent children. This stress can lead to MI.

Love needs no passport!

Just Sara — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 03:52:34 GMT

Hi Elizabeth;

I'm so sorry you bare the scars of childhood bullying. I can feel the tension/pain in your words. I'm also sorry to hear your family's having clashing cultural issues.

I must say, your passion for change is admirable and sorely needed in our multi cultural society. Your opinions relating to inter-racial marriage got to me actually.

I don't disagree; I feel regret because I dated for 2 yrs prior to marrying to make sure I was doing the right thing. Unfortunately I was used as a means of establishing citizenship by a charming and ruthless man and his friends.

I do have a beautiful son though and would never regret his presence in my life.

Again, sorry for your experiences and resulting MH problems. I wish you well and hope all turns out for the best for all concerned.

Sez

Love needs no passport!

Bethie — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 04:46:56 GMT

Hi Elizabeth

As a parent with a now year 9 student I can happily tell you that at least in Queensland culture diversity is part of the curriculum. My sons school is what is called level 2 migrant. That means as non English speaking children go to specialised schools at first to learn basic English they then go into level 2 schools where extra support is available in all classes. Luckly for me that help is not just for the migrant kids. This year there was only 2 out of area places available in the high school. Parents want their children learning and preparing for life and work in the modern world. If your interesed in seeing how integration is working on a base level Google Yerronga State High School

The mental health on average is far better than alot of other schools because the school has strict guidelnes for students and alot of multicultural experiences. It's good to see the smiles on all faces. Less stress overall

Love needs no passport!

Lolita1 — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 07:12:40 GMT

Hi Donte,

As per your question about "living in such richly diverse environment assists in our recovery or hinders it"

Given the chance to converse and socialise with cultures different than ours we are opening ourselves to knowledge and different points of view hence, helping our state of mind and helping our mental health.

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 21:53:45 GMT

Hi Sez,

Such a beautiful story! It highlights many important elements of what identity and culture is. Such an individual thing! The way we identify is as unique as we all are! Cultural identity can but not always incorporate ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, language, family, education, migration, work, socioeconomic factors etc. it’s really up to the individual and the way they identify. No two people have the same culture like no two people are identical. I’m so glad that your son developed his identity despite the fact that there were not many others like him around to identify with. Living out of metro areas too would be very different in regards to cultural pluralism. How is his mental health? Has this influenced his well-being? If yes, has he got supports other than you in his life? How are you now? Are you supported by significant others? It’s great that you can reach out here and share. My daughter who’s 22 was raised solely by me after my divorce (she was 9 then), and my second partner died 5 years ago. I didn’t teach her any Greek and I’m not a Greek Orthodox so she hasn’t identified with the Greek ethnicity neither the state religion of Greece. She was the only Greek child in her primary school. One day, years ago, I took her to a Greek restaurant and looking around her she said ‘wow!look at all the Greeks! So many of them! I thought it was only you and I Dad! I’m so proud to be Greek!’. I thought to myself, how interesting that she somehow identifies as Greek even without the language, the religion or any close friends who are Greek! But as I said earlier, identity is such an individual thing! Eventually, we all choose what’s important to us. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 22:27:28 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

I agree with your points! Often people are not inclusive of English speaking Australians (Anglo) when they think, refer or mention multiculturalism. Multicultural people are ALL people who make up the Australian society - including English speakers. We are ALL migrants here no matter how long ago we or our ancestors arrived. This US and THEM mentality that is politically driven and perpetuated by the media can be harmful. It stereotypes and perpetuates racial tension which can lead to bullying, harassment, assault and violence. It can affect the mental, emotional, social, physical health of people. Often these harmful attitudes exist also within various cultural groups who don’t like other groups or the ‘mainstream’ culture or groups/subcultures within their own culture. We don’t hear in the news though ‘White- Anglo Australian Anglican youth robs house...’ you get my drift! Now, considering 46% of our population has at least one parent born overseas of course people will mingle and form intimate relationships. Our Australian-born children also are native to this land and naturally blend in much easier as there are no language or cultural barriers. I’ve been here 30+ years and feel this is my home yet when people first meet me ask me ‘where’s the accent from?’ Or ‘where are you from?’. It’s very interesting indeed as if I say ‘Greek’, often there are instant assumptions that I’m orthodox or speak Greek etc. The fact that I’m an atheist and grew up as a seventh-day Adventist in Athens and my sexual identity as an LGBTIQ+ person is more important to my ethnicity or nationality doesn’t usially cross peoples minds. So in regards to intimate relationships, I believe if people share common values and outlooks in life then it makes no difference if you are in a cross cultural or mono cultural relationship. I was married for 15 years to another Greek (my first marriage) and yet I had more common things with my second partner who was Anglo-Australian. One size never fits all and there is diversity within diversity. No two aussies are the same. No two Greeks are the same etc It’s all about the individual really. That’s what I’ve concluded so far in my journey of migration, integration and intercultural experience. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 22:44:45 GMT

Hi Bettie,

As a LOTE teacher in primary and secondary schools in Victoria, I’m delighted to hear about your school’s cultural diversity and ESL curriculum. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 23:12:58 GMT

Hi Lolita1,

I agree. When I migrated to Australia 30+ years ago and moved to Melbourne from Athens, I looked up the least Greek area and deliberately chose to live in my suburb as I wanted to expose myself in the most diverse environment away from anything familiar. This has been one of the most enriching experiences and love the way it has enabled me to integrate and assimilate in ways that perhaps wouldn’t be possible if I chose to live in a suburb with high demographics from my own ethnicity. One of the things that attracted me to Australia and makes me happy to be a citizen and contribute to this multicultural society is the freedom to be something different, to not live the way you’d live back in your own country of origin and the choice to do so if you desire this, equally important as if you choose to keep your traditions and continue in the path of your ancestors of course. The choices we have in this amazing country are indeed Mind-blowing and I proudly say that I love being an Australian (naturalised) and love living here. My life has been enriched immensely in ways unfathomable to the rest of my family who’s left behind in my country of origin simply because I chose to put myself in uncomfortable situations and push my own boundaries. If we are open to change and embrace diversity, indeed we grow and our lives get enriched immensely. As I age and living with chronic lifeliniting illness I’m additionally thankful about the world-class health system and benefits and supports we enjoy here. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Just Sara — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 14:44:53 GMT

Hi Donte';

You give so much in this section...thankyou.

Your question about my son's MH does strike a cord with me. I knew he'd been upset by many absent father's day school events, and multicultural events too.

When he was 7 or 8, I helped him research Sri Lanka for Multicultural Day. It was a special time when we were both on the same page. When he presented it to the class, he felt proud and a sense of belonging.

In his teens though, his father's absence caused much anger and questions about him (son) being the cause. Rationally he got it, but deep down he still wondered.

Although he came from a bi racial family, the affects of a single parent upbringing hit him hard. Divorce has no boundaries no matter our origin.

Late teens he asked me to help him change his surname as there'd been no contact from his father since he was 2. It was a really big deal for us both, so we set about discussing it in depth, then applied to the court. He spoke on his own behalf to the magistrate even though he was scared; I was so proud of him.

My son suffered with anxiety once that I know of as he came straight to me and asked for help. I took him to the hospital and had him assessed. I don't think there are any residual effects thank goodness.

Anyway, I think having a single working mum affected him much more than missing his paternal heritage. I pained over it more than he ever did I suspect.

It upsets me to revisit those times Donte'; a lot of my anxiety relates to then. There's more to our story, but it's for another thread. I'll leave you with it I think..

Kind regards;

Sez

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 21:13:06 GMT

Hi Sez,

As a single dad who had full custody of my daughter and raised her since she was 9 and having born overseas, I can relate. The teen years admittedly have been the hardest. When my daughter turned 13 so many things changed. I couldn’t recognize her in many ways! She cut off her Mum completely and has been angry and cold towards her since. That has been a great deal of frustration for years. As a migrant with no extended family here but my brother whom I don’t see much, I carried the burden all by myself. I remember talking to Parentline, Lifeline, Crisisline through the years on regular basis for support and many sleepless nights I would be up discussing stressful situations and events. I also have tried through the years to direct her and guide her towards asking for support and accessing a female doctor for personal, intimate issues she couldn’t talk to me about relating to womanhood and sexual health etc plus the Kidsline and Lifeline and at some instances the RelationshipsAustralia and BeyondBlue chat lines. That seemed to ease some anxiety and stress at various times. Eventually she got to see a counselor and started medications to manage her anxiety which was severely affecting her performance at school and later work and her relationships and friendships. I, started medications and accessed counseling services. It’s not easy being a parent. It’s definetely not easy being a single parent. There are millions of children in Australia raised by single parents and we all share common experiences no matter what our background. But no one teaches us how to parent. We learn as we go and we improvise having only our own childhood to draw upon and the popular culture of the day plus books and information that we may decide to access. I always told myself and my daughter that ‘you’re not a tree! If something doesn’t work, move! Go left, go right, go forward, go backwards...until you find what works for you.’ Also, ‘No matter how good or bad it is, it will change. It always does.’ And as my mum used to say ‘The only permanent is the temporary!’ Now at 22, she has a great job, studies, pays her rent, food and expenses and pays off her loan for the car she bought. Even though, things are definitely better now, anxiety and depression always lurks in the background and I’m sure the time will come where she’d have to do some personal growth work around those issues that for sure will resurface in the future but I believe this applies to all of us.

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Mon, 08 Jan 2018 02:21:36 GMT

Hi Lolita01,

That's true. Of course, people of the same culture can, and do, have very different outlooks in life and points of view, beliefs etc. Not two people are ever the same as character, personalty, idiosyncrasy, together with life experiences, education, environment, social and economic factors, gender, sexual orientation, age etc will influence one's ideas and values. Sometimes we have more in common with people of other cultures than our own. I understand what you mean though, and agree, the more we mingle with others, the more we expose ourselves to unknown elements the more we share of our own and learn from others and this process changes us. The beauty of multiculturalism. 🙂

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 16:14:18 GMT

And to anyone reading this. You are great and you are here.

Love needs no passport!

Donte — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 16:23:41 GMT

Love is not just your crush, you date. Love is family, friends and people you care about, people who you would trust and give every thing too and not always get much out of it. Love is not just a feeling.