topic Not being able to except himself in Multicultural experiences

Not being able to except himself

Dedes — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:23:15 GMT

Hi, My 24 year old is depressed not being able to except the fact that he is turning bald and his hair is not growing evenly at such a young age.This has been huge issue and he is not happy with his culture and is always putting us down verbally but is not open to get help. Has given up his job too and spends most time in his room. Very worried about his mental state but our GP says theres nothing he can do till he is ready to seek help. Please advise as I am hesitant to work as he may harm himself.

Not being able to except himself

Anton_ — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:53:43 GMT

Hi Dedes,

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I will agree with your GP on this, your son needs to be ready and open to seek help himself. It can be very frustrating for parents to not being able to help in these circumstances. It is definitely something that can be addressed though a counsellor or psychologist, however the person must want it. Your contribution would be emotional support through this rough stage that he is through, empathising with him, listening to him but not putting any extra burden or emotional threats to him. You can find more about suicide and the warning signs by visiting beyondblue's information page, I think it will help you identify what you think is going to provide some clarity.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/worried-about-suicide

Stay in touch if you wish

Best wishes

Anton

Not being able to except himself

Croix — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 08:33:23 GMT

Dear Dedes~
I'll join Anton in welcoming you here. Your situation is sadly a common one, as you will see looking around here. Very upsetting, being powerless and having no guide book as to what to do.

Both the doctor and Anton are right of course, it is your son that has to make the moves and needs to want to try. By now I guess you have given him every argument there is, and have been met with anger and disagreement. You may even feel you have burned your boats in the relationship by constant pressure to get treatment - I doubt that would be the case really though.

So what's left? Let's leave aside the situation where you really feel your son is about to kill himself or do himself serious harm. I'm not suggesting this is going to happen, all I'm saying is that in such situations your job is clear cut - you call emergency services (eg 000)

What I'm putting down now is just some thoughts - maybe one will work, I don't know.

Apart from that perhaps simply letting him say what he wants and acknowledging what he say - not agreeing, just showing you have taken it on board. This is an effort to stop him feeling you are an enemy to be fought against. Mind you if he is abusive I'd say so and withdraw, you have rights too and they need to be obvious. You can let him know you love him but are not sticking around at that moment to be sworn at or whatever.

If you can in some way be on the same page, trying to do some things together - no matter how small. Try to get him to see you are someone he can feel cooperates, and can cooperate with himself.

It may be someone else might be in a better position than you to interact with him. I'd think any form of interaction would be good, help get him out of that closed room environment into the world. Does he have anyone he likes or has enjoyed being with in the past?

You might be able to provide relief for something that's troubling, a hair salon where his baldness can be turned to advantage - there are plenty of bald personalities in the media and public life - is there one he likes?

Failing all else you let your son know you are there, love him and just leave things that way. I honestly don't think you are going to have immediate success with any approach, I guess you have to persevere.

That long road will take its toll on all in the family- particularly you, so you need support too, a partner, friend or even a GP, anything to take a little load away.

I hope you come back and say what you think

Croix

Not being able to except himself

Dedes — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 11:03:45 GMT

Thank you Anton and Croix, just reading your reply makes me feel that people do care. Yes I am trying my best to just be there for him as he does not talk or has a good relationship with his dad so I just listen when he gets out of his room and most often its negative comments about himself or us. When he starts to abuse I go out into the garden as its not very good for my younger son to hear.

True it is going to take its own course and has affected us financially, socially and emotionally, but have always been a strong person and will continue to support him till the very end.

Not being able to except himself

BballJ — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 12:28:49 GMT

Hi Dedes,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

We do see many people come through the forums seeking help for family members or friends and sadly until they want the help it can be very tough for them and yourself as well.

Maybe mentioning about the Beyond Blue forums and possibly encouraging him to post here in his own thread as you have may be an option, just to show there are people who care and can help.

Please also have a read on these forums about supporting someone with a mental health concern. Simply go to the top of the page and click "The facts" and scroll down to the supporting someone section and have a read through there.

My best for you and your son,

Jay

Not being able to except himself

Croix — Fri, 20 Oct 2017 23:16:34 GMT

Dear Dedes~

Thanks for your reply, it sounds as if you all ready have a pretty good idea of how to treat the situation. The notion of boundaries, not being abused or treated badly, is particularly important. If your younger son sees you reacting to such treatment and explaining then going way it would I imagine do two things. Firstly your explanation will reinforce why your older son is out of line, and secondly he will see you as a capable person who can deal with such things in a calm manner without over reacting.

All of which one would hope will add to his feeling of security, something that is bound to be tested now.

Please feel you can come here anytime and talk - even just to shout in frustration or to discuss anything. Jay, I and others will be listening

Croix

Not being able to except himself

Donte — Thu, 17 May 2018 20:38:53 GMT

Hello Dedes,

I just happened to read your post now and wanted to say hi!

I know it’s been a long time since you posted your thread but wondering how’s things now at home? How’s your son? How are you?

Sometimes is beneficial to wait and see what’s the natural developments and then revisit the situation and re-evaluate.

I, had a situation last year where my 22yo daughter lost her hair from over bleaching and coloring every week. She was in the shower one morning washing her hair and it started falling off. She was devastated. Especially at this age, looks are very important and she couldn’t cope with the shock. She went and bought a wig which she was wearing for months and then added extensions. Finally, now, she’s able to wear her hair naturally as it has started to grow back to a nice length.

It’s not easy going through change. It’s harder when this change is physical and visible.

What is the prognosis now for your son? Has he had tests done to check hormonal levels, stress, deficiencies etc? Has he seeked support? How’s the situation at home?

Hope you are still reading this and able to reply. Drop us a line or two if you see this. Would be nice to see how’s things now for you and your son. X