topic Does the full moon affect you? in Multicultural experiences

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Fri, 13 Apr 2018 11:38:36 GMT

The other night when we had a full moon I happen to take my puppy downstairs before bedtime and even though it was almost midnight, I was taken aback by the powerful light emitting from the moon. It was illuminating my path to the point that I didn’t need to use my iPhone to see my steps.

It’s very rarely living in the big city that one gets to see the night sky in its glory. But that night seemed different. Bright stars and moonshine flooding the landscape.

Then suddenly, I heard the laughter of a young child embracing me...I closed my eyes and saw my daughter’s face some twenty two years ago...How quickly time has passed!

I remembered the middle of the small flat I have rented and her laughter giving me joy, purpose and meaning...defining me, guiding me and providing me with healing from my own childhood wounds...

Maybe parenthood is a second chance to wash away the pain. I always wanted everything out of my life you know, and I have paid for it, I can assure you.
So as for the heart to have a place to rest before it gets old.

I don’t know about you but when there’s a full moon I think it’s nice; but it’s also melancholic.

Silence is different when you are alone.
I’m not sure if I feel sorrow but I have missed
the young man that I once was. Aging in a new country away from your family, your relatives, your childhood friends and neighbors etc is something that I’ve never done before.

I feel no pain most of the times but I have missed
my love’s lustful lies that made everything look so nice. Died so young. Was so eager to leave it all behind. And I hardly had the time to say goodbye. It’s going to be five years next month even if it feels like centuries at times, while at other moments it feels just like yesterday. As if time has completely stopped. Life has frozen. Time doesn’t exist.

It is hard for someone to be alone; to lose their love.
I can tell that to you now that the truth doesn’t hurt me any more. Now that this is my daily reality. My routine.
Even if I am strong,
I sometimes need some body by my side.
Solitude does know how to set its traps and hurts.

How’s your experience aging in Australia? Have you mourned a loved one? Does that grief and loss ever leave us? Maybe some things happen only once in a lifetime...tonight, like the other night, I’m feeling blue.

Does the full moon affect you?

Birdy77 — Sat, 14 Apr 2018 05:50:33 GMT

Hey Donte',

So sorry to hear you feeling so blue ...

I think if I was to lose my partner, I would feel just like you do ... I would feel so lost. She and I have made our life together away from other family etc, and she is everything to me. I am pleased you have your daughter, do you have a nice relationship?

I often think about "what if I lose her?". I was thinking it this morning as I watered the garden. What came to me was W H Auden's "Stop all the clocks " poem.

You are not alone Donte'.

🌻birdy

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:43:27 GMT

Hi Birdy77,

Thank you for your kind words. It’s going to be five years this May. Weird. Feels like yesterday but also a century ago. So many things have changed but nothing has simultaneously.

I do have a close relationship with my daughter. I raised her. She still lives with me at 22. Sometimes I wish she’d leave and other times I feel lost thinking that she will one day.

Single parents can develop a close bond with their children, in the absence of a partner, but this can also be unhealthy.

I often struggle between what’s right and what’s embedded in me from my cultural and religious experience. Often this is very conflicting and confusing.

I haven’t read the ‘stop the clocks’poem yet.

Only thing I can say is cherish each moment because nothing lasts forever. X

Does the full moon affect you?

Quercus — Sun, 22 Apr 2018 17:21:42 GMT

Hi Donte,

Just checking to see how you are feeling. Has the deep melancholy you felt subsided at all? How do you usually manage times that remind you of your loss? Is there anything we can do to help?

Another thread reminded me of a time where there was a strong risk I would lose my husband to illness. I remember walking and rocking our son even though he had long fallen asleep. Son curled up in my arms and our daughter in my belly I surrounded myself with part of the man I love so very deeply. The idea of losing him was distressing.

So I can't imagine your grief. Or distress. But I do think the joy your find in your daughter's company is a normal way of reminding yourself a part of the person you treasure remains.

There are days I find myself speaking to our kids and smiling at the words because they are an echo of what someone I loved once said to me. It reminds me that my Grandma may be gone now but that doesn't mean he influence and love are gone. The fact that I copy her mannerisms reminds me love always remains.

I hope that gives you a measure of comfort. Or if not please at least know I care.

❤ Nat

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Sun, 22 Apr 2018 23:14:50 GMT

Hello Nat,

Thank you for your kind words. I’m ok.

Five years later, I have learnt to normalize the pain. The loss. I have learnt to live without. The grief is part of me. Integral part of my make-up. This is who I am now. The loss of a loved one is never replaced. When they die, a part of yourself dies with them. The part of you that reacted in specific ways due to them. The part that only they could bring up to the surface. That dies with them. And death is permanent and real.

Something gets interrupted and it will never become one again. So it takes time, years, decades perhaps, but some get to a point to live without that part. Life carries on with or without us.

There is also the part of them that keeps living in us. This also reminds us of how it was and how it is.

There’s anger, rage, depression, anxiety, fear, apathy, and myriads of other emotions that unexpectedly surface at the most inappropriate times and affect you and your behavior. A reminder that you are a different human being now.

But there is absolutely nothing one can do to bring them back. (The dead ones and the experiences). I just hold the urn with the cremated remains and cry or swear or scream or just smile. It means everything to me and it means nothing at the same time.

Love these forums. They provide distraction and engagement and reassurance that we are not alone, and that there are people worse off than us and others better off. X

Does the full moon affect you?

Quercus — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 14:29:19 GMT

Hi Donte,

What a moving post. I'm glad you love the forums too because you have a real gift with expressing feelings.

I smiled when you spoke about emotions at the wrong times. I find it so true. You think you're ok and then the tiniest thing can just kick you in the guts.

Our new rental for example. An old old house. I went to take a shower and the smell and taste of the water took me back about 25 years. And I just cried and cried. Hubby poked his head in wondering what on earth was going on. I couldn't explain. The feeling of loss and grief and love and comfort and feeling safe. From the simple smell and taste of water from an old house.

I wonder if one day you might consider a thread about grief and loss? I think many others will relate. And maybe it will help you too?

I hope today is the kind of day the ashes make you smile.

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 04:39:12 GMT

Thank you Quercus,

What a lovely reply! You definitely made me smile with your closing phrase. X

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 04:58:44 GMT

Great idea Quercus.

Can’t remember if I’ve spoken about loss and grief in the past.

It would be interesting to see the various perspectives that people have when mourning dependent on their cultural background and how this may impact on mental health.

Does the full moon affect you?

Quercus — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 09:41:08 GMT

Hi Donte,

I agree with your comment about mourning in different cultures.

I wonder what it must feel like to live in Australia if your culture has very specific ways to mourn or show grief. Grief is hard enough without piling judgement on top.

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 11:53:53 GMT

That's true Quercus.

I remember my grandma dressed in yellow and red and shocking pink in her late 80's when everyone was expecting her to be wearing black as it was customarily appropriate for an elderly woman mourning. Yet, she despised everyone and didn't care about the expectations and societal traditions, and in her usual defiant way did whatever she felt like. Love that woman! She's been my inspiration and role model since I was little. People would point at her down the street and gossip but she'd say 'nobody knows what you are cooking inside your own pot, and it's nobody's business...' She taught me that I am my own benchmark. 🙂

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 12:07:55 GMT

When my partner died Quercus, I was told by the funeral director to not disclose that we were lovers for eight years at the eulogy that i was asked to present, as some relatives are very religious and against same-sex relationships. These same relatives are the ones who hadn't talked to him for more than two decades. These same relatives are the ones who had stopped talking to his mother simply because she gave birth to a gay son. These same relatives had the audacity to turn up at his funeral. And the Celebrant was worried about their feelings!

So, when the family (whom I met for the first time that morning at the funeral) asked me to get up and do the eulogy, I disregarded those relatives and in front of the hundred plus people attending the service I publicly announced once and for all that we were husbands. That he is the love of my life. I wouldn't hide and deny reality just so I can help some people feel better about their homophobia and their prejudices. We are all adults boys and girls....

The same happened at my work. People were ok as long as I didn't mentioned publicly that he was my man. You see, some people are ultra religious and conservative where I work and they would find it very difficult to understand, I was told.

As I am not responsible for people's ignorance or denial or acceptance of others reality, I carried on without worrying about what the traditions or the religions of others dictate. As a non-believer I am not bound by these rules you see. That's where the freedom to be comes from. Awesomeness...

Does the full moon affect you?

Quercus — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 15:34:13 GMT

Ah Donte,

Thank you for the smile your posts gave me. I was in dire need of a smile today. What sort of day is it for you today?

I hate the angry days most of all. Those days where you feel beyond sad at them dying and you feel angry. I feel like this today. I would give anything to talk to my Grandma today. I so badly want family who give two hoots.

I love the idea of colours for mourning. I remember my Grandma by colours. Purple stattice flowers, red robins, peacock blue tiles, green garden, white hair, blue statue of Mary on her dressing table. Such beautiful memories attached to every colour. Why not wear them to celebrate the person? I think your Grandma was great!

Ah. Funerals. I'm not having one. I truly hate how they say funerals are for the living not the dead. If that's the case why do we have to perform for people who didn't care while they were alive? You were important... Not the judgemental rellies.

Good on you for saying what you needed to say to them. Do you ever wonder if he would have laughed seeing their reactions to your words?

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 00:24:10 GMT

For me grandma has been a pillar. Even now, decades after her death, here and there she pops up unexpectedly in my dreams at night. Her voice echoes in my mind. I see her always the same -struggling to come out of the passenger seat of my grandpa’s car (she had MS). My grandpa opening the door to her and holding her hand to help her, then grabbing one of her legs, then the other, and assisting her to get up and out of the car. A proud woman in a culture that looked at disabilities as something to be frowned upon, refusing to be labeled. She would grab her colorful umbrellas instead of walking stick and struggle to walk but never give up.

Everytime I see her in my dreams, I wake up feeling everything is ok. All is good. I’m ok. X

Does the full moon affect you?

Quercus — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 15:21:56 GMT

Hi Donte,

What struck me strongly today... I think this thread of yours here is about all the unexplainable ways we love and grieve the loss of loved ones.

Your words about your Husband. Your dreams about your Grandma. Firstly the way you write about them feels so real. But also I feel a mix of love and hurt and reassurance in the words.

"Everytime I see her in my dreams, I wake up feeling everything is ok. All is good. I’m ok."

This shouldn't make sense but to me it does completely... Nothing about our brains and memories makes sense really. So why not accept anything that gives us a measure of peace and allows us to cope with loss and hurt?

I have a similar memory. When my Grandma died a red robin appeared in my parents garden. And when we bought our acreage a red robin appeared there too. To me that gave me so much reassurance and hope. I knew that this was her blessing.

It doesn't make sense. Anyone else may dispute the meaning or say it is just a bird. But to me it had meaning.

A book I am reading mentioned the need for people to feel connected. To me feeling and memories like this might not be logical... But they help us maintain a connection with someone we loved dearly without being overwhelmed with grief.

Maybe I am waffling. What do you think Donte?

Does the full moon affect you?

Donte — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 17:14:49 GMT

In many ways I’m such a logical/factual and matter of fact person and in others I’m so influenced and carried away by emotion Quercus.

But, nobody is non-complex. I think you’ve summarized and tried to understand this thread well and you have built and expand on it greatly! Thank you.

Admittedly, this thread started with the full moon and how it makes some people melancholic. In the midst of its beauty and the strong light that it radiates, it can bring unexplained emotions or feelings mostly about the past, loss and grief, aging and loneliness.

This is mostly the effect it has on me and I cannot speak for others but I know I’m not alone. Numerous songs, literature, films etc have been created in all languages acknowledging and addressing the power of the moon on human emotions.

When I started this thread, I was under the influence of the moon. It was kinda like thinking aloud, describing the motions on an emotionsl intelligence level. I’ve always been more alert and in tune with my inner feelings late at night or the early hours of the morning. I regularly am fully awake around 3am (like now) and my mind is ready to take on the world! Like some internal switch gets turned on and the lights are on! I’m up! Then I manage to fall asleep again 3-4 hours later! Tormenting at times, however, I enjoy full clarity of mind during those hours.

So, connectedness and love and loss and growing up and life changes could be the undercurrent of this thread.

As I have posed the question, I’m interested for people of all backgrounds to describe their experience aging in Australia. Is it different than if you still remained in your country of origin?

With aging comes various losses and changes. How do we mourn these loses? A loved one? Does that grief and loss ever leave us? Is it different for you facing your own mortality in a new country away from family and things you once knew?

Does the full moon affect you mentally, emotionally or in any other way? Are you aware of this at some level? Do you tend to reminisce during those nights drenched in moonlight? What’s your culture’s popular beliefs about the moon and particularly the full moon? And what’s your personal experience?