topic How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable. in Multicultural experiences

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 04:43:08 GMT

When I was growing up I had the fortune to spend lots of time with my grandma. This woman, despite her disability (unable to walk), she taught me so many valuable lessons and nourished my spirit and curiosity for learning with her stories and parables. She has been a pillar of strength, support and inspiration for me. More than anyone in my life.

I remember one of her stories which I loved hearing over and over: it was about an oyster in the bottom of the sea which one day got a hard piece of coral stuck inside it’s shell. In order to soothe the pain and feel better about this, the pearl started working hard to excrete a membrane to cover the foreign object that was wounding it. The end result was to produce a magnificent pearl that was priceless.

In life often, circumstances that cause us pain and discomfort can result in something beautiful and amazing.

When we go through challenges and faced with issues we often cannot see any good outcome out of it, however, many times the result is something positive. We may develop resilience in the face of adversity and develop skills that otherwise we wouldn’t.

In the context of mental health, I often wonder how my life would have been without my depression and anxiety. Would I have developed the mindfulness and awareness to the level I have if I didn’t go through the suffering? Who knows?

One thing is for sure: due to my harsh experiences I have been forced to reach out and seek help, pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and made friends and developed supports which have made me stronger and eager to succeed my goals despite the obstacles. The ‘pearl’ develops out of adversity, grandma would say. And looking back at my life I can testify she was right.

How do you view your experience of struggle and hardship in life? Is there something good that has come out of it? Has your experience shaped you towards a recovery mindset? Where would you be without it?

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Thu, 14 Jun 2018 22:01:01 GMT

Hi Donte’,

A beautiful post with an even more beautiful sentiment 🙂

I need to go now but I just wanted to acknowledge and express my appreciation for this wonderfully uplifting and poignant post. I’ll be back to comment when I can.

Pepper xoxo

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 18:52:59 GMT

Thank you Pepper.

Hope you are ok. X

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 21:51:18 GMT

Hi Donte’,

As I said, I would be back so here I am 🙂

This special woman clearly left an enormous and positive mark in your life. She sounds like she was very resilient and deeply caring, and has imparted much wisdom...I’m so glad you had/have her in your life 🙂

A pearl has clearly emerged from how you overcame and continue to wrestle with your many struggles. It’s clear that they helped make you the person that you are today. You sound determined and ambitious and have learnt to reach out for support too. I feel that’s wonderful...

How do you view your experience of struggle and hardship in life?

I’m not sure. I must admit that I find it a little challenging to answer really broad questions because everything is so circumstantial/contextual in my opinion. I tend to see many shades of grey...

I suppose to answer simply, I’m not grateful for struggles and hardships itself but I’m appreciative of the lessons learnt. I have mixed feelings when it comes to talking about my struggles...

On the one hand, I feel it can help build connections (e.g. it can be comforting to know we are all struggling in some way). On the other hand, I fear becoming a person whose identity becomes too wrapped up in my struggles. Not sure if the second part makes much sense though...lol

Pepper xoxo

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 22:20:28 GMT

I would like to share a couple of examples. A friend of mine had a serious heart condition. He had emergency surgery followed by rehab & meds. Initially he recovered well but soon became complacent thinking he was OK. Since then he has had further heart attacks & a stroke but still appears not to have learnt his lesson. I have known others who with a similar problem have used it as a wake up call & made long term changes to maximise their health. In the first case ignoring his health condition except when critical has lead to a poor outcome in contrast to the second who accepted the risk of further problems & by acting on it is now far healthier than the majority of people his age.

We all have a choice when faced with a challenge whether physical, mental, social or financial. We can give in or ignore the problem leaving us vulnerable to ongoing problems or we can learn from the situation & make the best of it becoming stronger, more understanding or better people. Far from defining us in a negative way struggles can define us positively.

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 22:37:16 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

Wow!

What an inspirational response! Thank you for such a powerful and poignant statement! Your last paragraph just hit straight home!

As someone who has witnessed my partner dying in intensive care due to recklessness at the age of 39, I have had some tough choices to make. Smoking, drinking, diet, etc and other lifestyle choices. It has been very tough and with lots of setbacks along the way but as I live with the same life-limiting illness he died from, I had to alter many things and either try to learn from this experience or end up dying in a similar fashion. The future will tell. X

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 22:58:40 GMT

Hello Pepper,

Thank you for replying. It’s always nice to hear from you. I feel encouraged and supported by your comments.

I understand what you’re saying. Not being happy about the trauma but appreciative from what we’ve learnt as an outcome.

It’s great when we can get past the pain of the wounds left and learn something from the experience. It makes us aware, insightful, mindful, and we expand ourselves and grow through the experience.

I often wish I did it have to go through the traumas in order to learn but I can only do whatever I can with what I got in my hands right now. Can’t change what’s done or wipe out the past. I’m confronted daily with the new reality and have choices on how to deal or react/respond to this.

I hear you loud and clear when you say you don’t want to be someone who’s identity is wrapped around their struggles.

Once upon a time I used to attend support groups for people living with my illness, or groups for single parents, groups for LGBTI, groups for this and groups for that...I used to attend counseling and read everything I could find around issues that surrounded me at the time. I felt I had to do this. In due time, decades later, I’m in no need to be so intensely focused on my Illness and neither do I crave support in the way I used to in the early days of my diagnosis.

There is a place for support and services and reaching out for help but there is also a time when one needs to recognize that it’s time to stand on their own two feet. I also didn’t want to be defined by my illness or my divorce or my assault or bankruptcy etc. I didn’t want to be just that because I am more - much more - than all that.

So, the time came when I started giving back to my community, to my peers, to others who go through similar hardships. I became a volunteer. I got involved with welfare and family relationships and mental health services and supports.

Nowadays, being a spokesperson, an advocate, an educator providing information and peer support helps me dealing with my own traumas without identifying with them.

I now come from a place of eagerness to help others and support them and not necessarily from a place or seeking help.

In the process though, I receive enormous support and help and feel connected and strong.

Often we forget our pain as we try to help someone else and the learnings and gaining along the way are immeasurable. X

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 07:52:36 GMT

Hi Donte’ and Elizabeth,

Donte’: What an uplifting, beautiful and self aware post 🙂

There was a line that stood out, in particular, to me:

I didn’t want to be just that because I am more - much more - than that.

I’m only speaking for myself but I found that really resonated with me; it touches on a key reason behind my hesitation and reluctance to talk too much about my personal experiences...

Great insight as always. Thanks!

Elizabeth: good to see you here. I appreciated your examples and see what you’re getting at.

Highly valid points 🙂

Pepper xoxo

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 10:53:43 GMT

Thank you Pepper,

We are more than we are! All of us. X

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 21:45:30 GMT

Thank you, Donte’

Indeed we are 🙂

Pepper xoxo

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 13:35:35 GMT

In every step we take in life it often seems that there are a couple of distinct paths and possibilities ahead. One seems unknown where it may lead, the other clearly is pointing to the fire...

And if you go through the second one, the rules are hard and mercy is not ample. So, you pick up your burnt pieces and keep walking...

It’s like you can’t live with it, you can’t live without it. Defiantly you got to carry on even if it’s madness, balancing on a tight rope. Desiring the rose but wanting the thorn also.

And it’s like a deadly fever, this experience, but somehow it grants you grace and allows you to live, and you get to see how the light rises out of the darkness, and with it, you too, also get up and walk again.

I remember suffering deeply while going through it, but nowadays it doesn’t bother me much. Once the hardship is gone, it feels as if it has enriched your life and made you stronger.

You get to a stage where you don’t pay attention to what others say. Once you might have been burnt but despite this you actually survived. You make it through.

And as you start walking, away from it all, you have to go through so much, but that circle that opened up once, then somehow ends and you learn to navigate new seas.

And with such a harsh but amazing experience, one that many have gone through before you, you look around you and as you gaze at the burnt ashes of your old self and your past life, you admit to yourself that you’d never trade this gift with anything in the world.

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 21:10:59 GMT

Hi Donte’,

What a beautiful, inspiring and powerful post 🙂

I’m glad the struggles that you encountered in your non-normative path have greatly enriched your life.

Pepper xoxo

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Donte — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 21:27:19 GMT

Thank you Peper,

It helps me to see things from this perspective as it enhances my recovery mindset.

It is also beneficial to remind myself that I’m not alone I this journey.

Somehow, it assists in melting the fear away and focusing on the learnings. X

How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.

Peppermintbach — Wed, 11 Jul 2018 21:40:16 GMT

Hi Donte’,

I’m very sorry for the late reply but here I am 🙂

I feel you have a very beautiful perspective. Granted, I understand it was borne of painful experiences and difficult lessons but it’s beautiful nonetheless...

I agree feeling less alone in our experiences can be very comforting...

Pepper xoxo