topic Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!! in Sexuality and gender identity

Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!!

Riggybee — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 09:19:39 GMT

Hi, currently in year 12 and one of my close friends since year 8 is really bugging me. She spends a lot of time whinging about how stressed she is about school and how she wishes should could go home and how unfair everything is (like wearing a uniform or having to go to class - I don't see this as a big deal). It's really draining and I always feel like crap, so have been kind of avoiding her, which makes me feel worse. Sometimes I think she's doing it because she doesn't know what to say and is filling in space, but then wouldn't you ask a question instead? We're graduating in 5 months so I don't really want to rock the boat, plus she's having a really hard time at home (parents separated, mum is unwell) and I don't want to be that crappy friend that ditches someone as soon as things get hard, but shes been getting worse over the last few months. And she keeps asking if I'll still be friends with her after HSC and it wasn't really something I thought about but now it's really irritating me. She's always super loud and defensive and I feel embarrassed for her at times because her reactions are way out of proportion. When it's not so intense I actually enjoy seeing her from time to time but right now am kind of sick of it. Any advice?

Re: Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!!

Clara1 — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 11:16:40 GMT

Hi,

It sounds like you and your friend are drifting apart. Have you asked your friend how she would feel talking to someone else? It sounds like your friend is having some problems at home and this may be affecting her mood when she is around you or during school hours. Can you suggest to your friend to get help from someone else like one of the teachers? It sounds like you want to be a good friend to her sometimes and other times she makes you feel embarrassed. Avoiding people is usually not a permanent solution.

Explain to your friend how you feel around her. She may appreciate your honesty.

Re: Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!!

therising — Sun, 03 May 2026 10:49:10 GMT

Hi Riggybee

I wonder what would happen if you got her to start wondering more, instead of just venting her frustration or upset. 'Have you ever wondered exactly why you don't like the uniform? Have you ever wondered what is leading you to stress so much about school and how you could manage these things? Have you seriously wondered about how you could manage to change perspective on some things so that you wouldn't feel the emotional impact so much? Do you wonder about what you need to do in order to begin to change things in ways that start to work for you? Have you maybe wondered about a guidance counselor who could help guide you through the more intense challenges that really upset you?' and so on. To get her thinking or problem solving means she's working on making greater sense of things, as opposed to simply venting. We all love to vent occasionally, to let off steam, but the only way to make significant changes can involve questioning what really needs to change before taking action to make those changes (with help sometimes).

Chances are she's a highly sensitive person who senses just about everything, including her need to yell things out, cry them out, talk them out etc. Sometimes it's hard to turn down the volume dial when we're passionate about something, including how we feel.

With the 'wondering' approach, you could consider saying to her something along the lines of 'I've decided I'm no longer going to listen to you vent unless you're willing to seriously wonder about what you're venting. I don't mind you venting as long as you're problem solving at the same time. I don't even mind us wondering together'. Btw, if she's got a good imagination, try leading her to open her mind while imaging the way forward or what possible solutions could look like. Perhaps part of the challenge is to get her imagining (in constructive ways) and problem solving more. Could be challenging but it would be interesting to see if anything changes.