topic How do you know if you're not straight? in Sexuality and gender identity

How do you know if you're not straight?

ChoreoGirl — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 12:17:41 GMT

I'm 13, female, and I think I'm bisexual.

I have been having dreams about kissing a girl about twice or three times a month, and I normally can't remember my dreams. I don't really know if this makes me Bi. I understand that a lot of people don't like labels with this sort of thing, but I'm a Virgo, so labels help me to understand. I am scared that if I come out then it will make my friends weird around me, especially as I think I'm starting to crush on one of them. I always finding myself looking and the boobs and buts of girls when I'm in the school change rooms, does this make me bad?

I feel different, and I feel like I'm not the sort of person that would be LGBT+. And I know that I wouldn't be able to date at school because most of the boys would be weirderd out by me liking girls as well, and there are very few Bi or Lesbian people, let alone girls at my school. My dad and his friends are always making jokes about gay people, and I feel uncomfortable when they do, but I don't know what to say without coming out, which a part of me is not sure I am comfortable to do yet. But the other part just wants to come out and be free.

So with all of this, am I straight and going through a phase or am I actually Bi?

How do you know if you're not straight?

white knight — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 12:43:31 GMT

Hi, welcome

So, at 13 you are questioning your sexuality. I dont think thats a bad thing but certainly too early to act on it. Enjoy your thoughts, they are yours alone and private- certainly not a bad thing.

As for your family making jokes, thats unfortunately normal still. I wouldnt worry about that yet. Its words not rocks.

Finally, thankyou for having the courage of posting here. LGBITQ people have a tough time in life and posts like yours make them feel welcomed.

Enjoy finding your true self. It can be traumatic or exciting- you choose.

TonyWK

How do you know if you're not straight?

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 00:00:39 GMT

Hi ChoreoGirl,

Thank you for your post and your question.

Just reading your post, it sounds like it's not the idea of being Bi that bothers you, but all that potential judgement that you might get from your Dad, your friends and the boys at school. Does that sound right? How much would it bother you if you really were bi?

While I'm no pro, I don't think dreams make you bi. Often it's normal to be curious about your own sexuality and dreams are one way of exploring that. Having a dream or a crush doesn't mean you have to 'lock in' this new 'label', but rather might be this idea of 'what if I am?'. I'm not sure if it gives you any reassurance but I've been in the same experience - while it can be confusing it's really really common and normal (it's just that people don't like talking about it).

There is this great site that helps people who are LGBTQ+ or anyone wanting to talk about their identity/sexuality here - www.qlife.org.au They have a free web-chat so you can stay anonymous too.

I hope that this helps a little. I would never dare to put a label on someone that I don't know, but I want to reassure you that whatever is happening is normal and okay.

How do you know if you're not straight?

ChoreoGirl — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 01:48:31 GMT

romantic_thi3f,

I think you are right. I am afraid of judgement. And thank you for the insight and the link, I think it may be helpful. I feel as if my feelings are stronger than I stated, but I am unable to put them into words. I know I like guys, so I'm not a lesbian, but the feelings that I have towards one of my really close girl friends are the same feelings that I have towards one of the guys that I know that I have a major crush on.

How do you know if you're not straight?

white knight — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 08:27:17 GMT

Hi CG

Yes RThief touched on what is "normal" and we often struggle with what that is because we see ourselves as positioned outside that mainstream.

So embracing you as yourself, unique, wonderful and not like everyone else is confidence building. Enjoy being you.

TonyWK

How do you know if you're not straight?

Soberlicious96 — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 09:25:55 GMT

Dear ChoreoGirl,

Well done on reaching out and posting about something that can be so personal and scary. It's a brave thing to do in this weird world we live in ..... and as I often say "We're all weird, it just varies in the degree and the detail!"

Anyway, if it helps to know, I too am female, and I too check out other girls butts and boobs ...... and let's face it, there are some pretty stunning bodies out there in the world. I think that to admire the human body, in all it's shapes, sizes and colours, is perfectly natural. I myself, like I said, do it often.

I will also confess that my first kiss was with another girl, not a boy. It was my best friend in fact. And we taught each other what we liked and didn't like about kissing, so that when a boy did come along we would know what to do and how to do it! I/we were 14 at the time.

I am now a much older woman (almost 50 in fact) and I have kissed a few other girls along the way too, although mostly boys .... well, now it's men of course.

What I have come to realise, or accept, or have decided .... call it what you want, is that I now think of myself as being a 'little bit Bi, but mostly heterosexual'. In other words, I tend to view sexual identity as a 'sliding scale' of sorts. Some people are 100% hetero, some are 100% homosexual, and some are perhaps somewhere in between ....... maybe nearer to one end of the scale than the other.

Anyway, I hope that helps at least a little bit. In the meantime, you're still so young and have so much ahead of you to learn and experience! Enjoy the ride and if it will make you feel better, then you can borrow/use the same, or a similar label that I use: "Most hetero, with a pinch of Bi"!!!

Take care and enjoy the journey. xo