topic Support group for single gay men in Sexuality and gender identity

Support group for single gay men

javixo — Thu, 11 Apr 2019 07:01:52 GMT

I am an early 40's single gay man of immigrant background and I live in Sydney.

My biggest disappointment from the last many years is that I have failed to find a community of like minded individuals, a community that I feel I belong to and people I feel connected with. And I have tried so many different options that ended up being just social events where I would meet people I saw only once.

I wonder how many single gay men, in particular those like myself who suffer from episodes of loneliness and envisage themselves being single forever, would like to share their views or even reach out via this forum.

Support group for single gay men

Only_I_know — Thu, 11 Apr 2019 10:52:29 GMT

Hi javixo, welcome to the forums. I'm in my 40's too, and came out last year. Yes I know what you mean, you can feel lonely at times. I was married for 20years and have 2 kids, so now, living on my own can get lonely.

However I have some great friends - 2 gay friends that I knew before I came out, and i'm fortunate that they have been there. These 2 gay guys are married (to each other!) so sometimes I feel that I'm imposing on them, as a third wheel, even though they say I'm not.

I think, for me, that having people in my life for so long has made it hard to come home to an empty place. I've joined a number of groups - I was told to look up Team Melbourne - and found a number of sporting groups and have joined the walking / running group. I don't catch up with any of them outside of the Saturday walk, I've found it hard to bond enough with any of them to see anyone outside of the walk. I'm not even looking at meeting "someone" - it would be just nice to be invited out.

It can be hard if you are a bit shy (like me) to have the confidence to invite anyone out. I think that a fair bit of patience is required though, I think I feel or at least portray, that I'm desperate - and that would probably be a turn off.

I was recommended a social app called Meetup, it's not LGBT specific but has a few specific groups, and I've met a few people there. I haven't been to enough of them to see people regularly, but I see that often it is the same people that go to the regular events, so that is positive.

I don't want to be single forever either, but at the moment i'm in no rush. I only moved out last November, so at the moment it is ME time, just that I'd like a few more regular friends and outings, other than my current friends.

Support group for single gay men

romantic_thi3f — Fri, 12 Apr 2019 02:06:58 GMT

Hi javixo,

Welcome to the forums.

I'm not single, or gay, or a man - but I hope you don't mind me jumping in.

There is an Australian organisation called QLife that offer telephone and webchat support (3pm - midnight), and the website also links to state specific services. Which link to local support groups!

https://www.qlife.org.au/about-us

Hope you find the support you're looking for

Support group for single gay men

Rabbit33 — Tue, 14 May 2019 09:09:07 GMT

Hi Javixo,

You are definitely not alone! I am a single gay man, 31. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
May i suggest a book that may offer you some peace of mind. it's also a really great read!

"The Velvet Rage' Written by Alan Downs, PhD - Overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man's world. but it has case studies, really useful information and you'll find that you will relate with so many of the stories and/or situations you're in, have been in and some hope of what's to come. - I personally loved the book!

Just be happy in yourself and the right people will be drawn to you.

Hope you're okay. 🙂

Re: Support group for single gay men

Guest_56131888 — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 08:52:05 GMT

The reality is once your past your twenties and not inbred in the club scene options to socialise can get difficult.

Looks play a huge role in the gay scene and youth is often prioritised. Even older guys don't want someone their own age.

Older guys will complain but will just after younger men.

At 40 whilst is Not old, if you are Not Brad pitt then you will have to navigate a difficult vain gay scene.

Hence other options ate to hire and pay a male escort to experiment sexually..

Re: Support group for single gay men

Guest_65791907 — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 00:01:25 GMT

Thanks for your post. I'm 57 and a single gay man and I feel that the gay community is generally unfriendly to older members. My ex used to say "you'll be alone for the rest of your life" and although I recognize that was emotional abuse, it feels like that sinister prediction is coming true and it hurts a lot. My loneliness is becoming much more of an issue recently and although I have friends and the like, it appears finding a partner has become increasingly difficult for me. I feel that I'm a good looking person and have a lot going for myself. I have never failed at anything in life, except for this and it hurts a lot. Bigger cities in the Western world a lot more punitive toward single gay men of advanced age and sometimes I feel that maybe if I just ran away to a less developed country, maybe I'd have a better chance. Then again, the only thing I keep running away from is my loneliness and I'm even ashamed to admit it to anyone out loud. Many years ago, my dad said this to me and I was in total denial and claimed he was out of his mind, but he was right. The more I travel, the more I'm realizing that I'm just running away from my loneliness.