topic LONELY in Sexuality and gender identity

LONELY

lind66 — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 01:01:35 GMT

Hi I am writing this as concern for my son. He has come out 12mths ago at the ae of 19. He was raised in a homophobic environment and had suffered sever anxiety and old. since coming out his mental state has improved and he is was very happy and he was well supported. He is been over seas for 5 months working and holidaying and has come back to do a 7 week course. BUT he has come back to literally NO FRIENDS.he did decided to leave the past behind and has done volunteer work within the LGBT community. He has also attended some get together but found them to be very clickie and not welcoming. He is usually very happy and a very giving person. Adelaide doesn't have a big LGTB community and i can see a spiral fall into depression he is giving up. He has tried apps as well but gets the run around. We have tried everything but he is so lonely. HELP

LONELY

marcus_c — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 04:12:17 GMT

Hi lind66, what an awesome caring parent you are. I wish my parents had been more understanding when I was at that age, because it is a really fragile time. You're just starting to find out who you are, possibly have felt like you have never fitted in, and you expect that by realising you're gay everything will just fall into place.

Unfortunately, it doesn't happen like that. Finding your identity and place in the world, and the friends to go with that takes time. 12 months out is not a long time at all, and 20 is a very young age (I am in my 30s).

I think the best you can do is keep affirming his identity and try to undo some of the damage that being raised in the homopphobic environment has done to his sense of self-worth. Keep gently encouraging him to put himself out there and keep doing the active things he is doing, like volunteering. The more confidence he gains in himself, the more he will find it easier to attract friends, and this is true for any walk of life, not just being gay.

Suggest he keeps off the apps while he is feeling very depressed, they can be a bit of a minefield. Encourage the real world connections he is making, the course he is doing and his long term plans for the future. I hope this helps.

LONELY

lind66 — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 21:52:41 GMT

Thankyou for your encouraging words marcus_c.It's really hard as a parent to leave your child when they are down and we tend to get on with our life. Is there a chat line that he can go on that you know of. Thanks again

LONELY

marcus_c — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 22:45:28 GMT

Hi lind, I don't think we can share links here but if you search Qlife on Google, it's a phone line and chat service which is really good, specifically for LGBTI people.

If you can encourage him to just keep pushing through, I know it's hard, but it's really important that he keeps doing all the things he is already doing. If he's not clicking with the volunteer work he's doing and making friends there, then try something else. Having recently come out I know it's probably important to him to want to have other gay friends, I was the same, but as i've gotten older I've realised it's more about just having good people around you that you have things in common with.

LONELY

lind66 — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 02:32:14 GMT

Thanks again Marcus_c. Christmas is always a bad time of year as well. He needs to get a job with young people.