topic My son is worried he might be gay in Sexuality and gender identity

My son is worried he might be gay

Worried_ME — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 06:54:01 GMT

Hi,

I'm looking for any advice on how to help my 12 yr old son navigate his anxiety. A situation occurred when he was 9 (3 years ago)and he has only just told us about it in the past few months after we were trying to work out why he was acting a little unusual.

He said that was the only time he did it and it made him feel sick. One of the lads was a close friend but over the past year we have noticed our son has started to move away from him. Apparently this lad and some others hold hands around school acting silly but all have girlfriends or a crush on girls.

My son also has a girl he really likes and has never shown any signs he might like boys. When we've asked if he might like a boy/s and he said no but he's worried he might be gay. He has very mild anxiety so we are thinking that maybe as his hormones are starting to go crazy along with this memory that when he's in a stressful situation around boys, his physical and mental symptoms in that moment replicate that feeling from 3 years ago.

Has anyone else had anything like this before?

My son is worried he might be gay

Sophia16 — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 09:45:30 GMT

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. I can see that you and your son are going through a tough time.

Your son is still young and growing so he is finding out who he is. it is going to take time for him to find his true identity. Experiences shape identity.

He may be dealing with trauma. Have you spoken to a psychologist about his situation? Let me know.

Please stay safe and I am always here to chat.

My son is worried he might be gay

Summer Rose — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 12:55:59 GMT

Hi Worried ME

Welcome to the bb forum.

From my experience as a Mum of a child with anxiety and OCD, I think a couple of things could be happening.

It’s possible your son might actually have a crush on a boy but that he isn’t ready to tell you yet.

Or, as an older child with much more sexual awareness he could be looking back and now feeling uncomfortable and confused about the incident that occurred three years ago and this may be causing him to worry.

Or, he could be experiencing unwanted intrusive thoughts related to his sexuality.

Do you know why he didn’t tell you at the time about the incident that occurred three years? Was he embarrassed?Did it simply not register as a significant event? Might help for you to find out, as it could help to explain what’s happening now.

I suggest you continue to reassure him that your love is unconditional, whether he’s gay or not. Normalise the childhood hand holding experience. And create opportunities for him to talk with you about his anxious thoughts.

If you continue to be concerned maybe have a chat with his teacher(s) and see if school has noticed behavioural changes in him and find out what they might know about what’s going on in his friendship group.

Kind thoughts to you

My son is worried he might be gay

geoff — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 14:52:21 GMT

Hello Worried ME, girls are allowed to hold hands and doesn't mean anything and at 12 years of age, boys have a close friend, I know I did, but have been married for 25 years and had 2 sons and have no idea where this friend is, so having a close buddy means nothing more than doing things together, talking to each other and nothing more than that.

Guys play golf, go to the football, races etc together and only means that they are close friends and even go out when they have girlfriends, it only means they have a buddy and nothing more.

Kids Helpline are available on 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online and may help him understand that his thoughts are only normal.

Take care.

Geoff.