topic Coming Out Take 2 in Sexuality and gender identity

Coming Out Take 2

TheStarlightCrow — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 17:42:28 GMT

I came out as transgender to my mum when I was 16.

She didn't take it well. I was told that I'm confused. My dad said we needed to get away from our rural town and away from all the drugs that are present here. I've never touched drugs in my life, despite being surrounded by chronic users.

For 6 years, I've swept it under the rug, kept it hidden deep inside a part of myself that I only unleash in the safety of dreams, because then I can't consciously keep it locked up. I've bided my time, waited until I can be sure I can support myself, regardless of what the reaction would be. It was going well. I got a part time job and began taking control of my Social Anxiety Disorder.

My brother said something to me that made a crack in this mental plan I was so reliant on. I was sitting at my computer, gaming. He sat on the edge of my bed with that lop-sided grin of his and asked if I wanted to have my birthday party at his block. The conversation went as expected. "You were meant to be a boy," he then said to me. My heart froze, raced and skipped a beat all at the same time. What did he mean by that? I asked him this, of course. He simply repeated himself, still grinning. I'm not sure if he was joking or being serious.

That one statement gave me hope, fear, anxiety and strength, in varying levels. So now, two days away from turning 22, I feel like I'm that 16 year old again, mustering the courage to thrust myself into the unsavory spotlight of being different from what everyone has thought, has known about me all my life. I've learned my lesson. Take it slow. Be calm. Be sure. Prepare. And don't let them take my right to be who I really am.

Is there anybody else here, in rural WA in particular, that faces or has faced a similar situation?

Coming Out Take 2

Chris_B — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 01:36:40 GMT

Hi StarlightCrow, welcome to the forums.

If you're looking for support in WA, I'd suggest having a look at the Freedom Centre in Perth. They also have an online forum.

See also Living Proud and the WA Gender Project.

Coming Out Take 2

Paul — Fri, 25 Sep 2015 12:17:18 GMT

Hey TheStarlightCrow,

Thanks for sharing your pain - I can understand how difficult it must be with so many factors involved in an already conflicted situation.

I'm interested to know if you have thought any further about contacting any of the resources Chris B provided - It's difficult to go through things when it feels like you're the only one.

Paul

Coming Out Take 2

TheStarlightCrow — Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:22:47 GMT

Sadly, the resources Chris B provided weren't particularly helpful for me personally, as Perth is quite a long way from where I live and traveling between here and there is expensive. However some of the information provided on those websites helped me remain determined, and I did dearly appreciate them.

I've recently spoken to my GP and I've gotten the name for the psychiatrist in Perth who deals with most, if not all, of the transgender cases in the state. I wasn't too thrilled to find out that I'd have to travel there anyway, but what can you do? I'm planning to get a referral to go see him sometime later this year or early next year.

I've run into something that could become an obstacle with starting transition, though. I've recently found out I have anemia and I'm worried about starting HRT as I'm currently using medication to suppress my menstrual cycle. I'm not sure what effects it could have with HRT and if I need to find another form of birth control. My GP did mention IUDs, but I haven't heard great things about them.

On the coming out front, I'm planning to come out to the wrinklies this weekend. I'm tired of hiding myself and pretending that living this lie is normal. Wish me luck.

Coming Out Take 2

Chris_B — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 00:50:49 GMT

Hi Starlight, sorry those resources weren't helpful. The forum here is a bit busier than when you were last here, so I hope you'll stick around and keep us updated with how you're going. Good luck this weekend, please let us know how you go.

Coming Out Take 2

Clare1 — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 01:58:13 GMT

Hey TheStarlightCrow,

Love the name!!!

But God it's hard, isn't it! Damned if you do, damned if you don't! I'll bet $5 that Shakespeare wrote a play about the dilemma we transgender folk find ourselves in...I'm going to Google it and find out which play it's in...

I know you've agonised about your situation over and over, and you've heard all sorts of good advice from some lovely people, so I'm not going to tell you what to do or who to talk to...all I'm going to say is that you and I and thousands of other trans people can see our difference from "normal" society as either a curse or a blessing.

I was 65 years old before I came out and found the wonderful happiness that I live with every day. Like you, I had a terrible time trying to fit in for all the years before finding my real self. We all spend some time figuring it out. But you are so young, and society is so close to acceptance of our part in it.

If you can, try to begin to see yourself as a pioneer at the leading edge of a stage of the evolution of humankind. Every pioneer has to overcome some hardships, has to persevere against opposition, to bear the brunt of bigotry and disapproval. So if you can, put on your imaginary armour, put a smile on your face and practise forgiveness for the people who have their minds in the past.

Remember that you are a champion, a hero, a warrior. And you are blessed!

Clare

Coming Out Take 2

Paul — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 02:42:49 GMT

Hi The StarlightCrow,

Thanks for visiting again and letting us know how you are going. It sounds like a few small steps and a few setbacks, but I love that you remain determined.

I wonder if any centres for trans folk offer a call in service where you can speak with a psych or a Dr about the questions you raised. It might be worth widening your net a bit and consider at least having questions answered, or some reassurance or even just a chat with a counsellor who really does understand while things fall into place to see the Dr in Perth.

Hey good luck with the wrinklies this weekend! (I haven't heard that term for quite a while) Oh hang on I'm starting to get wrinkles - meh! I am who I am.

Keep that determination! Don't give up, there are going to be setbacks. I echo what Claire said about being a pioneer.

Let us know how you go on the weekend, we're here if you need us!

Paul

Coming Out Take 2

Gruffudd — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 07:13:54 GMT

Hi there,

Living in a rural area I know the problem of having those travel costs, every state has a Patient Assisted Travel Scheme to cover travel and accomodation for medical stuff but not everything is eligible, I'd still quiz the doctor on that to find out more if you have a chance... Wishing you all the best this weekend.

Rob.

Coming Out Take 2

Embracing_Tiger — Fri, 16 Oct 2015 02:09:24 GMT

Hi StarlightCrow.

Good luck this weekend. You've got support here, whatever the outcome.

I feel your frustration and disappointment due to the level of access to services when you're living in a rural area. It's getting better though, with the improvement of communication technology. Hopefully you can find something that is able to cater for your needs.

Here are some other resources, which might be helpful. There are some trans and gender diverse communities on Facebook, which are closed groups (for privacy), and they can offer support, personal experiences with services as well as what organisations you can contact. Also, I think that the legal requirements for gender transitioning are different for each state, so perhaps one of the organisations in other states might be able to point you in the right direction for WA.

Minus18

Reach Out

The Gender Centre (NSW)

Inner City Legal Centre (Is a community legal centre that deal with a lot of trans clients in NSW. They might be able to point you to someone in WA).

Best wishes!

Coming Out Take 2

TheStarlightCrow — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 10:41:55 GMT

Hey guys, thank you for all of your kind messages! You all helped me feel like I'm not alone in this fight and I can't express how much I appreciate it.

I came out to a close family friend on the night of the 16th. I was blown away by how accepting and supportive she is and I found myself confident enough to try and tell my mum. On the night of the 17th, I finally came out to my mum for the second time. She seemed a little confused at first, but in the end, she told me that as long as I'm happy and healthy, she'll still love me for me. She said I'm hers, that she brought me into this world and she wasn't about to abandon me now.

I'm still working on coming out to my dad and my older brother.

Coming Out Take 2

Paul — Tue, 27 Oct 2015 21:43:54 GMT

O M F G! That is amazing!

*happy dance* Well done. How do you feel?

Slowly slowly! No need to go all in yet perhaps a bit of a breather before the rest of the family?

Tell us how you think the discussion with your Dad and your Older Brother might go? I'm not trying to rain on your parade- I think it's awesome, but maybe a quick stocktake before the next steps.

Paul

Coming Out Take 2

Clare1 — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 00:08:59 GMT

Way to go, hero!!!

With love and admiration, Clare

Coming Out Take 2

Gruffudd — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 07:22:14 GMT

Such good news, thank you for telling us. It is great to hear that now you have some family and friends there with you and that you can be more open about things now having told them. I think your mum got it right, you are who you are, and that you are worth having around.

Rob.

Coming Out Take 2

Embracing_Tiger — Wed, 28 Oct 2015 11:45:29 GMT

Congrats TheStarlightCrow! I'm glad that it went well.

I think that Paul has a good point though. You don't have come out to everyone all at once. Coming out can be a continual process and you'll know when you're comfortable enough to tell your father and brother. Maybe also have a private chat with your mum about how you feel about your dad and brother. She might be some unexpected support.

Shine bright, StarlightCrow.