topic Describe your ideal life partner. in Sexuality and gender identity

Describe your ideal life partner.

Paul — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 02:09:02 GMT

Your description can be of your current love if you have one or who you would love to bump into accidentally (on purpose). You may like to describe only physical attributes, only mental attributes or only emotional attributes. Perhaps the whole lot.

Your ideal life partner might be yourself or a pet!

How does/would you like a life partner affect your depression/anxiety?

Paul xx

Describe your ideal life partner.

Zeal — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 04:50:30 GMT

Great idea for a conversation lats! No one has thought of this before for this forum! Well, that I know of!

My boyfriend of 7 months is actually my ideal life partner. He is kind, loyal, honest, smart, rational, understanding, patient, sweet, modest, caring, trustworthy, moral, considerate, empathetic, a great listener, positive... and I could go on more, but I'll leave it there haha.

I quite honestly wouldn't want him to change anything about himself 🙂

My OCD is much better around him. Because my fears revolve around germs, kissing is actually good for that. When he had a bad head cold, I wasn't at all worried about getting sick from him. If anyone else was sick with a bad cold or flu, I wouldn't want to get that close to them, and my OCD would kick in!

I'm interested to hear what other people say about their ideal partner, or their real-life partner!

Describe your ideal life partner.

Gruffudd — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 10:24:41 GMT

There is a big question.

I am tempted to say no-one.

There are a few things though, I don't want perfect rather a man who is comfortable with who they are at least when with me, someone who can trust that they matter and that there is no problem that can't be worked out together, and for them to stick around. Sex is not a big thing with me for a few reasons, it would be perfect have someone who didn't mind.

One just like that was there once, I didn't realise that he liked me (or believe that he could), he ended up moving to Argentina. He is the one that got away.

I don't care too much what a man looks like at first because in my experience there is always plenty that I find attractive. In that sense it is the opposite of where I started, any man will do as long as he wants to be there.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Gruffudd — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 10:42:26 GMT

I didn't answer how all that would effect my depression. Well, on one level that remains my problem. I don't think it would resolve because I am in a relationship, just that the perfect man can accomodate and support where necessary, and hopefully I can do the same for him.

Describe your ideal life partner.

SwansFan — Sun, 13 Dec 2015 11:19:20 GMT

Yeah I'm tempted to say no-one also. Only because I'm attracted to so few people.

I reckon my ideal partner would be like a best mate, who I occasionally hooked up with. A real casual arrangement. Someone I can hang out with for a bit and then not feel compelled to see for a while after that. Haha I'm so romantic, right??

It's not like it wouldn't be special to me, it just wouldn't outwardly appear like a very loving relationship...

Describe your ideal life partner.

Reaperbird — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 12:37:41 GMT

My ideal partner would be someone who is also my best and closest friend. Someone who I feel comfortable around and can be myself.

Other things that would be important to me is they'd have to like animals, allow me my space but enjoy affectionate moments too, preferably have some insight on mental illness, and probably be an introvert like myself (or at least be happy going to social events without me, I hate crowds >_<)

I admit I prefer a romantic-based relationship over a sexual one. So they'd probably have to be okay with that too.

How would they affect my depression/anxiety? Hm, well when things are bad, I'd like someone to just sit quietly with me and maybe talk about random stuff, not necessarily bad stuff, but good stuff too.
I'd hope they would be okay with me not going everywhere with them, and not try to talk me in to doing something that is making me uncomfortable. Allow me to say no, without getting aggressive about it.
Maybe give a little reassurance too, I'm very unconfident and paranoid that people secretly hate me, so little things to remind me I'm loved would be really sweet. Not gifts (unless they wanted to,) just taking care of me when I'm sick, or telling me when they appreciate something. That sort of thing.

But I don't think they could fix my mental illness, in fact no one can but me (with work and time). But I'd be happy if they accepted me the way I am, and helped me find creative ways to overcome obstacles when they happen. To be patient with me, caring, insightful and a good listener. To support me in getting better, but to be also accepting that I may never get better.
I'd hope we could work things out together and compromise when we can. That we can find a comfortable area where we can both cope and feel cared for.

Describe your ideal life partner.

soulsolaris — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 17:42:23 GMT

My ideal partner would be someone that is deep and passiomate like i am. I dont want someone who is the same as me at all.. but i do want someone who hs the same or similar ideals as me. I want someone who will support me in all my endevours and encourage me but also get excited when i am excited about something. I want someone who is kind and caring not just to me but to other people. I will not be with someone who treats other people badly. Someone who puts time and effort into me in every way to show me i am loved and cared for just like i would with them. Someone who is abit of a dreamer and likes art and poetry, music and watching the stars (not absolutely necessary but would work well with my personality) and someone who is willing to put effort into maintaining the relationship. Someone who will communicate with me instead of just fighting with me because they can because in the end id rather talk things out.

Describe your ideal life partner.

leeyum96 — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 10:46:33 GMT

My ideal partner.

He would be warm, caring and kind. He would never be scared to display affection whether in private or in public. He would be strong, a good listener, deeply passionate about what they believe in. I want him to be imaginative and creative with their thoughts, not scared to stand strong behind them. Someone who on a cold winters night is more than happy to just cuddle under a blanket on the couch watching a movie. Someone spontaneous, who in the summer would take me on surprise road trips to secluded beaches where we could play around in the surf under the sun. He would be my soulmate, a perfect match yet two different people. Someone who can lay out watching the stars dreaming of what life could have been. We would argue, we would fight sometimes cry but he would be someone who at the end of the day would never sacrifice our relationship for anything. He would be a good communicator but also sometimes vague in order to create surprise leaving life entertaining. He would be happy to go on romantic picnics in the country or by the water. He would also understand that occasionally sometimes we need alone time. We would complement each other perfectly.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Fairywings — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 14:24:56 GMT

The other half to my soul in which if we were ever torn apart we would just find our way back to eachother. My soulmate. My hubby is my soulmate.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Lost_Girl — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 14:51:39 GMT

My husband is my ideal partner,

He is my best friend. He likes to talk to me about books we both read, about life, hopes and plans. He likes to play games and watch movies with me when the kids are tucked up in bed. We explore thed world together. He is a great father abd he tells bad Dad jokes. He grows with me and learns with me.

He is flawed like all good people and he is humble and he is sometimes a pain in the.....

But most of all he is there for me. He met me when my Dad was dying of cancer and he supported me and wasn't scared away.

9 years later and after we were married he supported me again. This was when I moved interstate without him to care for my Mum who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 3 months to live. 18 months later she passed and during that time he visited every 6 to 8 weeks (by plane) and I fell pregnant and had the baby 1 month after she passed.

He cared for me when I had a broken coccyx during the birth of our second child.

He cared for me when I fractured my shoulder/humerus in 3 places. He cares for me now 2 years after that accident with the chronic pain from my neck/back issues and the major depression and anxiety I have just been diagnosed with. He learns as much as he can and he gives as much as he can.

He is sad at the moment, he says because he is used to me being his rock. When all along he has always been mine.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Fairywings — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 15:08:30 GMT

Hi beautiful girl ur hubby is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. I say he is ur soulmate such a beautiful connection to have nothing will ever tear you apart. I really happy that you both have eachother supporting one another. Im so sorry and sad to hear you have gone through so much in ur life but I am proud that you r fighter and pushing through in life. Nice to connect with you stay strong beautiful mummy and your definitely in the right place for support xx 😊 venessa

Describe your ideal life partner.

Lost_Girl — Sat, 27 Feb 2016 15:35:29 GMT

Thanks so much Venessa, I am glad you have found your soulmate too.

Take care xx

Describe your ideal life partner.

jaysee — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 15:02:46 GMT

Relaxed. Chill. Intelligent. Kind. Subtle. Gentle. Warm. Cute. Fit.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Paul — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 21:19:40 GMT

Hi jaysee,

I wonder, how would you feel the instant you meet that person? What would you talk about?

Paul

Describe your ideal life partner.

jaysee — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 00:46:09 GMT

Paul,

To be honest, I have no idea, and I highly doubt I'll ever meet that person, as I've consciously constructed an ideal that is too perfect to ever exist.

To be honest, I don't believe in love, at least not for myself. Seeing Mozart's Così fan tutte was the final nail in the coffin. I've experimented with romantic cohabitation and, while it has its plusses, it doesn't feel like my natural comfort zone and I don't see what I'd gain from it.

Additionally, as a male, there is always a financial burden to bear as well as a risk of false assault/rape allegations. So I'd prefer to live with others non-romantically, and this probably rules out most women who might otherwise be interested in pursuing a serious relationship.

Describe your ideal life partner.

DrTom — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 11:49:30 GMT

I did the online hookup-dating-meeting people thing. I had long mental lists of what I wanted. I even met a guy who at least on paper should have ticked all the boxes, and yet somehow it didn't work out. I gave up looking.

About the time I gave up looking, I was messaged by this guy from another city. We chatted online (as I had with dozens, if not hundreds of guys). He was coming to my city on holiday, but we didn't meet - it didn't work out for some reason or other, but we kept chatting. I had no feeling that it was anything other than a friendship. We were building a really nice friendship. Since I had no expectation that it was anything else, I had nothing to hide - no good impression to make.

Months later, he was coming again to my city on holiday, and we met up, and spent most of the evening smiling at each other. A year of so of long-distance relationship followed, which was good for me - slowly and gently, with lots of time for reflection apart. That was three years ago. He now lives in Melbourne, and its wonderful.

Why is he ideal for me? Because he is very steady and copes with my emotional ups-and-downs (history of anxiety and depression here!); he is happy to listen as I rattle on; he trusts me without expecting me to be anything other than I am; and I trust him without expecting him to change for me. Neither of us is perfect, but we don't expect that.

I guess if I had to nominate the biggest thing about why he is just right for me (you can call that ideal if you like), is that he wants me to be me - just as I am, not some ideal that he has in his head about how I should be; and I likewise for him.

Tom.

Describe your ideal life partner.

blondguy — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 14:51:12 GMT

Hi Paul, what a great post. I just want to be appreciated and loved for who I am...depression and agoraphobia included...I think thats a big ask though...seriously.

If I can quote you on a good point you made..."How does/would you like a life partner affect your depression/anxiety?"

My stress levels elavate when I am in a relationship....I feel like there is so much expected of me when I ask for so little in return...I was told by a boss years ago that relationships are stressful and me thinks he was spot on. My boss and I were in the fashion (retail) industry when wearing flares and cheese cloth shirts were huge.

I guess someone really super caring that is non judgemental would be a great start.

My kind thoughts

Paul

Describe your ideal life partner.

Guest_322 — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 15:11:38 GMT

Hi,

This is an interesting thread. To be honest, I'm not sure if I personally believe there's such a thing as an ideal life partner (or maybe I just haven't met him yet ha, ha).

I think that we can have an ideal image in our head. But sometimes someone who is "ideal" for us in the real world might turn out to be very different to the ideal in our head.

Ultimately, my take on it is I'll know it when I feel it.

Describe your ideal life partner.

kingsalmon — Sun, 05 Nov 2017 02:38:48 GMT

I already have a whole fake relationship in my head, my ideal has become so specific.

But the basic things would be that he's patient. It takes me years to actually believe someone likes me and isn't just "being polite". I need someone who would understand that and know it's not his fault if I can't trust him yet. Nothing feels worse than people giving up on you just because you need extra time.

Also someone who's ok with little or no sex. Someone who won't give me that "but if you really love me..." shit. Also not one of those "I Love Dick" gay guys (trans people are a thing)

Someone who can read my emotions. Just someone who can actually tell if I'm having a bad day, and even help me feel better. Someone who won't cluelessly say "yeah I noticed but I didn't think it mattered".

Someone who will put time aside for me...this feels so selfish. But my last relationship was just 4 years of them telling me they're too busy for me or "didn't feel like" spending time with me, and that just didn't feel very good on my end. I get people are busy but this person never wanted my company and complained about me and criticised me more than anything then played the suicide card when I said I felt neglected and that our relationship was pointless. My ideal partner would not pull that shit and actually enjoy my company and let it be a 2-sided thing.

Someone who is creative. Musician, illustration, I don't care. I'm an illustrator and it's just lonely not being around other creative people.

This feels like so much to ask for...I just want someone who's gonna be nice to me.

Describe your ideal life partner.

Just Sara — Mon, 06 Nov 2017 23:31:56 GMT

After some horrible situations with men/women in my past, finding my 'ideal' is more about looking back and identifying what worked as well as what didn't.

It takes two, so without looking at myself also, it's pie in the sky stuff. Once upon a time, (sounds like a fairy-tale) romance and sex were high on my list. These days it's more practical characteristics that form my ideal.

Questions might include; Is this person open, honest, reliable, likeable and respect themselves? Will this person carry their fair share of responsibilities? Will they tear my head off for not being perfect or wanting time for myself? Are they jealous or prone to unexpected outbursts?

Probably more importantly; am I safe around them?

Looks aren't as important as how they care for themselves. But then, what's the point in wanting someone who's willing to spend time on self care when I don't?

Do I feel worthy of them and are they worthy of me? Or am I going to lower my standards to just have someone 'there'?

What I've learned about myself, is that peace and 'calm' have to be in their nature to meet my needs. Working out disputes and conflict must be done with respect and focus on the issue, not me personally; because that's what I expect from me.

As for trust? I've learned the hard way, that trusting myself is just as important as trusting them. That way I'll act on my own behalf to protect and promote my needs first.

I figure, if yin/yang attraction is chemically driven, then the less adrenaline I have from fear, the closer I get to the middle of the stick. Then my match won't be so oppositional to my ideal. If that makes sense...

Being idealistic probably isn't practical, but it helps to stick to my expectations and not settle for less.

Thanks for listening..

Sez