topic my last 3 years in Sexuality and gender identity

my last 3 years

gibby3794 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 12:45:25 GMT

i have been suffering depression and anxiety since February 2011 (brought on due to moving away from my home town) but i have only recently been diagnosed, i am now wishing i did not let it get to this point and decided to get help earlier (i am now seeing a psychologist) and possibly getting medication, it seems that ever since i moved everything has gone wrong, all of a sudden i ended up to my eye balls in debt with about 10 different debt collection agency's ringing daily to the point where i am now scared of answering my phone.

i have also realized since moving that i am actually gay and while friends and co-workers dont have any issues with it as within my group of friends there are a few of us that are gay, lesbian and bi, and my work colleagues are all fine with it to as we have 4 people within the company (including me) that are gay i still have not had the courage to tell any family members about my sexuality, depression, anxiety or much about myself to be honest, i am close to most of my family but can not bring myself to tell them and every day i dont it is eating away at me making things worse.

i used to love going to work but the last 2 months i find myself dreading going and the only reason i have not quit is because of financial stress.

i have also gone out and brought expensive things (like a $1000 tv) ect thinking if i buy this i will love my life and feel great but it doesnt work, the novelty of the things i buy wears off then i have to sell them to pay bills or stuff and am still paying them off, so i end up worse off having a debt for something that the novelty had worn off and item has been sold.

i also have bad tendencies to get angry at people really easy and instead of dealing with it like a normal person i either start yelling and screaming or just dont say a word and get in my car and drive very unsafely.

and so far none of my methods have helped at all, infact they make things worse so please people do not do what i do as it just makes things worse..

i dont even know if this makes any sense or why i am writing it but here i am so yeahh.. thanks for reading

my last 3 years

Chris_B — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 07:04:22 GMT

Hi Gibby,

Welcome to the forums. Sounds like the financial stress is a considerable source of worry for you. Not sure whereabouts in the country you are, but the Victorian government has a handy website with tips on dealing with debt collectors and getting your finances under control which you may find helpful: http://www.moneyhelp.org.au/tools-tips/fact-sheets/685-2/

There's no need to feel pressured to come out to your parents until you are ready. It sounds like you have some good peer support at work, have you talked to some your GLB workmates? You might want to take a look at the new beyondblue online resource Families Like Mine, which was made for parents of GLB people, but has some great personal stories from both parents' and GLB points of view: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/for-me/lesbian-gay-bi-trans-and-intersex-lgbti-people/families-like-mine

Good news that you've reached out for help and are seeing a psychologist too. Are you discussing the feelings of anger and the spending? It's important for the psychologist to know that at stressful times you do things that could be unsafe for you, so you can have a plan for coping.

my last 3 years

Neil_1 — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 08:28:55 GMT

Hi Gibby, and I'll welcome you to Beyond Blue again, and it's great to have you on board, not only because you've bravely shared your story, which was well written by the way and no way did it not make sense. But also to say welcome, and I'm sure you'll be able to provide advice and support to others ... I can sense that in your posting ... I might be wrong, but on this occasion I don't think so.

So coming here was a positive ... and you've created another positive by not only recognising that you needed to seek help, but went out and did that.

So you're now seeing a psychologist, not sure how many sessions you've had, but I hope that they have proved beneficial to you. You've raised a number of issues in your post, so it'll be really good for you to work through them in your sessions.

And if they're suggesting medications, don't be scared about having them, because they are prescribed for a reason ... and that's to help you cope with what you're feeling.

Christopher has chipped in with some very positive advice re: your financial stresses as well as giving you great information regarding GLB.

For your issue of not telling your family members about all the issues you've raised again, that will be very good to raise with your psychologist and perhaps even with some of your work colleagues. You might even receive some great responses on this site as well about that. I'm bowing out of this one Gibby for what to advise, sorry, but I think this is something that only you can know when the time would be right to tell them. It is very good to hear though that you are close to your family and I would think that they would be very supportive of you and pleased that you were able to share with them and tell them. Did I say I wasn't going to offer an opinion? D'oh !!

I'll go now before I put my other foot in it.

Cheers

Neil

my last 3 years

gibby3794 — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 12:50:35 GMT

hi Neil and Chris, thanks for your support, i have only been to one counselling session so far and have my next one in a week so i have mainly given a bit of background at this point, am now on medication and despite what it said on the website about it causing insomnia i am actually finding it easier to sleep now without the use of other substances, i have two job interviews tomorrow so hopefully i will get the first one (as it is in the health care field which i want to work in) if i get both it would be great.. had an episode today as i had to borrow money of my bf to give to my friend as i am paying off my car to her but am feeling better now, and i will have a look at the websites, and i am in nsw 🙂 thanks for the support again 🙂

my last 3 years

geoff — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 19:39:13 GMT

dear Gibby, you should not be afraid of telling anyone that you are gay, because it's no different than telling family and friends that you have depression, as those who don't want to help you, then they just disappear, and this might happen when you disclose your sexual desires.

You can't help the way you feel, so what, your gay, do I feel violated by this, or won't I reply back to you because of this, no way, and when you look at the professional tennis players well a huge amount of them are gay, and here I am talking about the females, and no one worries about this.

The substance usage could be a concern not only for yourself but also for us, because the problem is still there the next day, and so the saga continues, but I am in no position to tell you to stop, all I can do is encourage you on ways to reduce or even stop using them, but this isn't the gist of your post, it's about being gay.

There are many of other people on this site who are in the situation as you are, some disclose it while others don't, but there is no way to be embarrassed at all, that's the way you are, and you can't change what you are, and I'm sure that you are a lovely person, sorry we know that you are, because all the people on this site join together and help each other.

Have a look at the site Christopher has sent you about your financial concerns, because this is also a worry for you, and please you can be strong. L Geoff. x

my last 3 years

Dennis38 — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 20:34:52 GMT

Hey gibby,

Hope you are having a better day today. I have the same problem when it comes to buying things. The best advice I can give you is that when you are feeling down and you think buying something will be good for you, write down what you want to buy, and then budget for it, work towards saving up for that item, I have started to do this and once you do get what you want the "novelity" of it doesn't wear off for a long time, and if push comes to shove and you have to sell it, its not big deal as you can simply save up for the next thing you want. I have turned it into a game a bit and it does help me.

Now as for getting angry. What I do is simply tape a pillow to the wall and start hitting it, A: this stops me from busting a knuckle which hurts like hell and B: saves me from putting a hole in the wall...again...turns out spackle and paint are not our friends a lot of times lol! This helps get me a little exercise and it helps take some of the frustration out on the wall instead of hurting those I care about because of my short temper.

As for the debt collectors don't be afraid of them, simply pick up the phone find out who it is and if you do not want to talk to them, hang up on them. Its that simple.

my last 3 years

Neil_1 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 00:05:12 GMT

Hi Gibby

Thanx for your response back, it was excellent to read because it really did contain some positive things in there.

Yes, the first session of counselling I find can be extremely exhausting because you’ve gotta go through your history and for them to give you the best help possible, you at times do need to get down to the nitty gritty.

That’s interesting about your medication … so do you take it of an evening? And that’s a big positive if you’ve been able to forego the use of other things to assist you with sleep.

And congrats on the two job interviews … I’ll have my fingers crossed (after I finish this post, cause you know something … it’s damn hard to type with crossed fingers!) that you hopefully get both and then you have the difficult job of which one to take, although the health care field obviously would be your number one choice.

I so hope that things continue with the same positive swing that is happening and would really like to keep hearing from you, as long as you feel ok to do so.

Kind regards

Neil

my last 3 years

JessF — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 00:17:51 GMT

Just wanted to add something: I've been through the whole 'oh god, do I have to tell my story again' thing when seeing someone new. Then I had a breakthrough with the psych I see now. Prior to the first appointment, he gave me a questionnaire to fill in which allowed me to sketch out my life history. It was all broken up into different times of life etc so it was easy to do (well, writing about crappy things that have happened wasn't, but you get what I mean).

By the time of the first appointment, we were able to start straightaway, he'd already been through my answers and started to form an idea of what we needed to work on. We are doing a type of therapy called 'schema therapy' if anyone is interested in looking it up. Best thing I've ever done.

my last 3 years

gibby3794 — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 08:07:28 GMT

hi all thanks for your comments 🙂 it is looking really promising for the chef apprenticeship 🙂 i go back thursday when they re open and have to take my tax file number etc so im hoping i do get it :):) its a pain trying to do it without my car as im having to borrow my friends car hahah, thank god i have good friends lol, and my family doesnt actually know about the depression either, only my friends and bf do, havent been on in a while as i have been working and then was staying at my friends for a few days.. hope everyone else is doing well 🙂

my last 3 years

gibby3794 — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 10:31:06 GMT

hi all i was just reading this post and a lot has happened in the last year..

me and my bf broke up back in april as we both wanted different things and both our work commitments etc were getting in the way so we never saw each other

my mother has moved back to my home town which is 400 kms away and due to my life being down here now did not go so am now living with the friends i was staying with in above comments and have been for about 10-11 months now

i ended up getting the apprentice chef job but back in august the buisness sold so am now out of work and as of yet not been able to fond another job, although have decided i do not like hospitality

i did not really find the psychologist of all that much use as i did not really want to open up to him so kind of stopped going and then stopped taking my medication as i lost track of when i had taken it so i ended up taking it before and after work and during break instead of only once a day so i had to stop plus having so much in my system was making me go a bit more wacko

the debt has not gotten any lower but they have all given up on calling me now so thats sort of a positive hahah they now just send not so subtle hints in the form of deposit books hahah like that is going to change the affordability of paying them LOL... i have seen a free financial counsillor a few months ago who suggested bankruptcy but have not done so as i dont want to be 20 and go bankrupt i will keep fighting and pay them when i get work again

i still havent told family members about my sexuality as every time i come close to i chicken out at the last minute and keep my mouth shut

i was thinking about getting a another referral to a psych but i dont really think 10 sessions is enough and in no way can i afford to pay for sessions.

my last 3 years

Blue85 — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 16:17:12 GMT

Hi Gibby,

I've just read through this thread, and it sounds like you've had a big year...

I just wanted to suggest that if you found the right psychologist, 10 sessions might actually be a big help. If you spread them out across the year (even monthly), you would be able to get close to the end of the year and not have to wait too long until you could get a new mental health care plan. If you find someone that you like and trust, it could be very beneficial. Explaining your financial concerns would also mean they understand your needs in spreading appointments out. They could even suggest ways you work on therapy between suggestions (I know I am on monthly psych sessions now and I get 'homework' between sessions which helps a lot).

Please also don't feel pressured in telling your family about your sexuality until you are ready either - it can cause extra unneeded stress. You will know when it is the right time. In the meantime, I am glad you've been able to be honest with friends about it.

Good luck with everything - and we are always here. 🙂

my last 3 years

gibby3794 — Sat, 24 Jan 2015 01:38:25 GMT

hi blue 85 thanks for your comment 🙂 yes it has been a pretty big year with all the changes but none of these things are weir for me now thankfully it didnt take me log to adjust to any of it, i went to my job network yesterday and they have now hired a psych so next appt they are going to see when i can book in for a session (they will be free of charge)

every now and then i feel like i need to tell family but its not all that often..

and ive finally adapted to not having a car (in 3 and a half years i only went 3 months without a car) and my gear box blew up back in sept and the car really wasnt worth fixing and at the moment dont have the means to buy another car so am without for the first time in a long time hahah, at first i was ripping my hair out but now it doesnt even bother me (if i really need to go somewhere and my friends are home i can borrow one of theirs) i dont need to though as the only thing i really need to do is buy smokes on payday and my tobacco is cheaper at the corner shop so i just walk there or walk to the shopping centre which isnt far away, the main thing still doing my head in is that i cant just go for a random drive of a night like i used to do to clear my head, and the fact that i cant go to the gym if my friend doesnt go as well (i dont want to walk there as i generally make myself sick while im there and dont want to have to walk home after that hahah) but a friends loosing her licence for 12 months soon so i think shes going to give me her car while she has no licence and ill just take her places she needs to go, so then ill be able to actually go to the gym by myself etc 🙂

anyways ill leave it there as going to aldi in a minute