topic I hate my "friends" at school in Young people

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Tue, 09 Nov 2021 12:44:22 GMT

Today I cried like hell. Multiple times.

I'm the "extra" of my friend group. I'm the one that's not very close with anyone and that's just there. My friends leave me out of everything. Nothing I do is worthwhile to them. I'm essentially just a downer to them.

Today, at some point during the final session of the school day, my teacher made the stupid decision to have our class outside, since I had hayfever I had to stay inside. My best friend promised he would be there with me. He wasn't. He then said he would talk to me nearby. He obviously didn't. I was so upset I couldn't even muster the motivation to work. I cried, but thankfully nobody noticed.

Yesterday, we had sport. Our teacher is ignorant of groups and told us to form our own. Sadly, I'm the worst in sport and I'm not usually chosen, but even so, my class can be compassionate about it. My friend group formed a team with everyone but me. At this point I had enough of their shit and held strong resentment for them.

I know these examples may seem pretty normal, but they are totally not just forgetting me. They do stuff like play games together and go out outside of school without me and openly talk to me about it. All I do is just pretend I'm okay with it. My best friend tells me not to get Discord where they all hang out. They also leave me behind in group work, recess and such.

My best friend has started to avoid me. At one point we grew apart because he hung out with a girl in the group and left me behind. He stopped talking to everyone at one point, then talked to me, like some form of replacement, and now things are back to normal for them. The girl was also a close friend of mine too, then we grew apart, and then we were getting close again, but it seems she's actively avoiding me now.

I decided to take a day off tomorrow because I felt so shitty. I needed the time for myself to be away from all the trouble, but I still can't feel any desire to go back to that. I can't see any spark in any of those "friendships" but I can't even make new friends or leave behind these guys. I have no fucking idea what to do. I'm tired of caring for these people. I'm tired of enduring their constant shit. I'm tired of trying to get close to them. It has had almost no value to me and yet I can't get rid of it or change it. It feels like my fault, and I tried to back out from being annoying, etc. but what's even the point? How does one even approach something like this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know.

I hate my "friends" at school

Sophie_M — Tue, 09 Nov 2021 12:51:32 GMT

Hi MysteryManGuy,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you recently with your friend group, especially when you feel like they are leaving you behind and avoiding you. We understand this must be such an awful time and want to remind you that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

I hate my "friends" at school

jaz28 — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 02:29:38 GMT

Hi MysteryManGuy,

I am so sorry, people can be cruel. It is okay to cry 😞 Your feelings are valid here.

Teenagers can be really mean sometimes. I remember school being a time where everyone cared about their 'status' in the grade and that meant trying to hang out with people that would raise this status, even if those relationships were meaningless. However, there are some good ones out there. Is there anyone you haven't talked to/are just an acquaintance with that you could talk to and create a new friendship?

I am sorry but these friends do not seem like friends from what you are saying. Healthy friendships are meant to include you and make you feel wanted and heard. I knew a few of these people in school and from my experience, I moved on from them and made friends with amazing, caring people who are still my friends to this day, multiple years after graduating.

If it helps, school isn't everything. There will be many new people to meet down the road in whatever path you take. A lot of these "friends" will be non-existent to you when you leave school. That's what I've found too.

Find the people who get you and like you for you, don't waste your time on anyone else. I know it sucks and in high school, it can feel like your world is crashing down whenever you have friend troubles. But things will get better.

The mental health day is a good idea, it is important to put yourself first. Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to as well?

Things will get better,

Jaz.

I hate my "friends" at school

chadicha — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 03:48:38 GMT

Hey, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve any of this and these 'friends' shouldn't even be given the title of friends. A very similar thing happened to me while I was in school- I was constantly excluded for no apparent reason and just seemed to float around with people not really caring about how I would feel. Let me assure you, although very unfair situations can cause a build-up of resentment (just like what happened to me), it is best to really try and let it go as this is only damaging you now. If I can give you any advice, it is find someone else who maybe you don't expect to be friends with on a superficial level, but could really understand you and your situation. This could really push you in the direction of making a true friend- not these uncaring acquaintances. I understand how their actions make you question your worth, your actions, if you ever did something wrong. But please don't get into this spiral like I once did - it will leave you bitter and hurt. After leaving school for around a year now, you will really begin to see the true nature of whats happened and it has nothing to do with you as a person, its just kids can be so superficial and selfish to their own personal desires and visions for how they want their school experience to go that they frankly aren't aware of how their ignorance is truly hurting another person.

You are a caring, strong and loving person and anyone would be blessed to have you as their friend. These 'friends' seem superficial, uncaring, low quality and out of touch with what really matters, and over time you will see how you are so grateful these people are not in your life anymore. I truly believe every painful season in life serves a purpose, and I don't doubt for a second you will come out wiser, stronger and with a different perspective on friendships.

Although they may exile you, you do not have to let them have any power over you and your spirit. Please seek out more kinder, even unexpected friends and you will notice such a profound change in your happiness. You will get through this.

I hate my "friends" at school

Stay_Positive_Stay_Strong — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 01:52:20 GMT

I’m here to find ways to support my 13 years old daughter and came across your post...

She is going thru the exact situation as you atm. I’m broken by how cruel kids out there can treat some one that supposed to be their friend.

she is a strong girl. But I think enough is enough. She cares for peoples feeling before herself and support others more than herself.

she would not name the people involved cause she cares for their educations, if they get in trouble they might be taken off the school grounds etc

Sitting alone is her choice she made to avoid confrontations. Im so broken by it and at the same time amazed how strong she is too.

Panic attacks, anxiety ... depression love to erased all that but truly one can cause so much damage to an innocent person.

What can I do? How can I can?

I hate my "friends" at school

smallwolf — Sun, 14 Nov 2021 00:40:14 GMT

Hello everyone.

I feel that what you describe is not that uncommon in school. My son had some issues at highschool. He had to find a new group of friends. Which he did.

Unfortunately we only found out about it much later. Since completing highschool he was able to regain the friendship of a couple who mattered.

One thing I could suggest is kids helpline. I don't have their link handy but think you should be able to find it through Google.

As a parent... Listen to what your children say and let them know they are awesome.

As a child... Speak to your parents. Know you are awesome. This may not be an easy time as you grow and find your way in the world. And maybe use these experiences to recognise qualities you look for in people.

Listening to you...

I hate my "friends" at school

quirkywords — Sun, 14 Nov 2021 04:50:37 GMT

Mysterymanguy and Stay positive Stay strong.

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.School is hard , I used to spend lunchtimes when library was closed , in the bathroom.

Stay positive Stay strong , thanks for posting. I hope you can get some support from the posts. Otherwise you can start your own thread if you want.

I hate my "friends" at school

Gothamfan — Fri, 26 Nov 2021 08:02:02 GMT

Hi mystery man guy

I too have become the left out friend and my best friends have been avoiding me and I had a falling out with other friends, I honestly don’t have any good friends anymore and I’m not sure what to do about it, I really relate to your situation and I hope you find good friends that your close with.

I hate my "friends" at school

Learn to Fly — Fri, 26 Nov 2021 10:03:47 GMT

Hi Guys

I thought times have changed for better and situations like your were not so common anymore. Obviously I was wrong.
Stay strong Guys! I know you are hurting now and things that your so called friends do or don’t do really get into you. But it really is like the others said: at one point you just move on to other more exciting people or things to do and you sort of forget about the old crowd. Sort of. Some bad memories cannot be completely forgotten, unfortunately. But you do move on and they become your past. Hang in there good people!

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 13:46:30 GMT

Hi everyone.

Thank you so much for your replies. I really appreciate the advice. (sorry for the late response)

I'm sorry for those who shared their stories, and I wish the best for them. Loneliness is truly awful and I don't wish it on anyone. I'm here to listen to more stories if you wish, and I appreciate the shared experience. I feel less isolated now I read them.

About my friends, I can't cut them out of my life. They have been horrible to me, but there's no way I can stop being friends with them. I apologise for the lack of clarification, but the truth is, I have no idea how to put this into words.

The school holidays have come and are almost over. I mostly coped, but I'm not looking forward to seeing them again. The good thing is, my best friend has been in contact with me, although it is very little, considering I don't own proper messaging apps, it has been somewhat okay, but it still hasn't been great.

I've also managed to contact one of my other friends, but they stopped talking to me after 1 conversation.

I don't know how to make friends. I don't and can't go places to talk to people, even online. I screw up socialising a lot. There's nobody I can reach out to.

I have been to a counseller a few years ago, but they didn't help at all, and I lied to them about feeling better as other people were getting involved and it made me feel heaps worse.

At one point I tried to confront them about it. I told my best friend, but he just said "I wasn't talking to them." and even when I said this did nothing, he just shrugged it off.

I hate my "friends" at school

smallwolf — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 10:00:02 GMT

How does it feel not be able to use messaging apps?

School can be best of time and worst of times.

There are a couple of people I know who would be similar positions to you and it sucks! Sorta feel left out. And while there might be the positives in not having messaging apps, that does not really matter when everyone else uses them. People can also be excluded through these tools as well 😞

Tell me what sort of things you like to do?

(There can be way of finding friends... finding people with similar interests) When I was in school I like computers. This was back in the 1980s. Call me a nerd. Joined a computer club.

If you want to chat more about this...

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 11:51:41 GMT

Hello, smallwolf. Thank you for your reply

Not having messaging apps sucks at times, but it doesn't feel completely awful, as I don't really need it. I still contact occasionally via e-mail. I have been excluded by my friends online too, mainly from online learning, thanks to MS Teams' chat feature. That alone felt horrible.

I also like computers too. I like to draw, watch anime, write, and I used to code, but I want to get back on it.

I hate my "friends" at school

smallwolf — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 12:01:40 GMT

Do your friends at school have similar likes to you... drawing and writing etc. That sucks you are being excluded from the group chats. Can you still ask them questions?

Programming can be good to. What language(s) did you write using?

I hate my "friends" at school

Earth Girl — Mon, 07 Feb 2022 09:18:29 GMT

I'm sorry you're struggling at school with your friends. I kind of know how you feel. I was the "extra" in all of my friend groups and I always got chosen last in P.E. If you think you are unable to make friends at the school you are in and you feel really left out and hurt by your friends at school, maybe you could move to a different school and start fresh. It should be exciting for the people at your new school because you would be a newbie and maybe before you start at that school, you could ask the principle if they could organise a buddy for you to show you around the school and make you feel welcome plus you might be able to make friends with this person. If you are unable to change schools, you could also join a group outside of school. I know you'll still be lonely at school unfortunately, but at least you might be able to make friends with people there or at least have some fun. And remember, just because you have trouble making friends, it doesn't make you any less than anyone else. People who have trouble making friends are usually either really shy and/or "different", but not in a bad way. Everyone is different. If people aren't nice to you just because you are "different' then those people don't matter.

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Sun, 24 Apr 2022 14:37:20 GMT

Sorry for the very late reply.

Yeah, we usually have things in common. We all pretty much like video games. Some of us like anime. Though, things like drawing and writing is really something I only share with myself. I also can't relate to some things they talk about like music, etc. In general, I don't really get what they talk about. Even when it's about things like video games, it always involves stuff I am not part of, mainly since they are in such close contact with each other. The only person I can really talk to is my best friend, as well as this other person, except they aren't usually active, as everybody uses Discord.
I'm worried about that lately, as this week I have to go on some 3 day camp with them all, but I'm completely am not looking forward to it, as I've been to one last year, and it's absolutely awful, particularly because of them all.

Currently for a class I'm learning Python. I have once used it before but I pretty much forgot everything. I also used to know a bit of HTML too, and for myself I've been wanting to learn it again. I also have interest in C#.

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Sun, 24 Apr 2022 14:46:09 GMT

Hi, Earth Girl. Thanks for your reply.

Sadly I cannot move schools, there's not really any other safe option for me to, academically-wise, nor is it possible for me personally. I do want to join a group outside of school, but I don't know where, how and if I can do it. Also I'm not really able to socialise well with unfamiliar people, so it's challenging for me, but this seems like a good idea, and thank you for that.

The people I know can seem so bothered by me, so it seems I'm the problem to everyone. But other times, they just ignore me without any temper. I'm not sure. It's not making sense for me.

I hate my "friends" at school

driftedID — Wed, 04 May 2022 13:48:20 GMT

I seriously hit rock bottom

Last week, I came from a camp with them all, which was as bad as I expected. Essentially 48+ hours with them instead of 6 at once. Even so, I thought things would get better, since there were some good things coming out of it, but I still had plenty of their crap to deal with. Afterwards, they continued their usual shtick of being jerks. Nothing has changed for the better. I heard them literally make plans right in front of me while I was excluded. They always do this. All I ever do now is just cry to myself and it sucks. Nobody cares. I can't take anymore of this. All they ever do is treat me bad, and even when I confront them about it, nothing changes. I'm tired of all this. I'm so done with this.

I hate my "friends" at school

Sophie_M — Wed, 04 May 2022 17:35:17 GMT

Dear MysteryManGuy,

In our experience, life can become quite upsetting and frustrating when people we thought were our friends don't act like friends. We get stuck and angry because we want to fit in and belong to a group of friends. The rejection can really hurt.

One thing we know is, though it seems and feels quite scary at the time, we can start working on finding new friends. The benefit to finding new friends is that we then no longer need the good regard of the former friends, and their rejection will not bother us so much.

So, the question then becomes, "How do we go about finding new friends?"

We will start this discussion with the thought, A good way to find friends is through shared interests. Joining clubs that are focused on an interest, such as mountain biking, chess, or drauma, is a good way to come in contact with other people who enjoy those activities.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

I hate my "friends" at school

That Other Guy — Wed, 04 May 2022 22:26:48 GMT

I can see you already have a lot of advice. Let me add one thing. I am 53. When my kids started high school I gave them this advice

Old people will tell you these are the best years of your life. They are just jealous because your knees still work. High school was the WORST time in my life. Instead of being around people you have things in common with, you're with every clown who happens to share your post code. Some kids get through this easily and some do not but I PROMISE after school you will find a career where you work with similar minded people, you will meet people who will be your friends and life only gets BETTER after this.

I hate my "friends" at school

smallwolf — Thu, 05 May 2022 10:12:27 GMT

both python and c# are good languages to learn.

Sophie_M also suggested in finding friends about people with like interests. Perhaps you might be able to find local computer groups or similar in school?

Back on programming... what sort of things are you interested in developing?