topic Is the depressed leading the depressed really just the blind leading the blind? - Depressed Relationship in Young people

Is the depressed leading the depressed really just the blind leading the blind? - Depressed Relationship

melly06 — Thu, 21 May 2015 00:33:40 GMT

I was diagnosed with depression at 12 and later diagnosed with anxiety at 16. I am now 21 and have struggled with these for most of my memory. I'm from NZ. I met my (aussie) boyfriend while holidaying in Sydney and ended up staying here to be with him. He also has depression as well as anger management issues that are becoming increasingly hard for me to deal with

At the moment there is a lot going wrong in both of our lives. We are really trying to hold each other up and support each other, but it’s hard when we are both feeling so desolate. I don’t like living in Sydney and want to be closer to my family. His work contract ended a month ago and he hasn’t had the energy to job hunt. Because of thi, he is moving out of his apartment and in with me as I can no longer afford both the rents on my receptionist salary. I don’t want this. I detest my job and want something less stressful. His Pop died which has sent him spiralling down. His family are having severe issues and we are both struggling with the fallouts from that. I have also torn my ankle ligament, and as someone whose passions and emotion-control have always included soccer and running I don’t have enthusiasm for anything in Sydney anymore. I am so lonely here in Sydney, and he doesn’t understand you can be loved by someone and be lonely in all other aspects of your life

I am used to dealing with my depression solo as I know how to calm myself down when I am panicking and can’t breathe, or when I am crying so much I am wailing. Together with councillors I developed coping mechanisms, which all have to be done by myself in order to calm down. Problem – If I am really struggling, so is he. I want to be left alone when depressed however he can’t stand the thought of being by himself. It got to the peak last night at 2am after I had a depressive episode and I wanted to go for a walk to breathe, and he forcibly held me in his arms and refused to let me go, even when I struggled and fought back, because he didn’t want me to leave him, even for 10 minutes. Should I have put his needs above what I know is best for me? What do I do when it contrasts so directly with what he needs?

My boyfriend and I's emotions are both so connected, if one of us is struggling we drag the other down. It really does feel like the blind leading the blind, because we are both so unstable in our emotions. I was wondering if anyone else is in a relationship where both people have a mental illness? How do you cope with this?

Is the depressed leading the depressed really just the blind leading the blind? - Depressed Relationship

Jacko777 — Thu, 21 May 2015 01:48:45 GMT

Hi melly06,

I am glad you are talking about this, I think many of us have experienced the sort of things you are talking about. You have seen how certain practices have helped you with your health issues and I reckon it might be time for both of you to seek some professional support, to work through these things together and establish a new strategy for the future. If you are really struggling it is even more important to get help, if you don't feel comfortable seeing a GP maybe you could start by ringing the BB phone service, they will have some advice to help you straight away.

Please remember that you are not alone, we are listening and we care that you both get through this. I don't think it is the blind leading the blind, you support each other to the best of your ability at the time, but no one expects you to find all the answers by yourself. To me it is obviously important that if you need to go for a walk then you should be able to, this would be a tool for you to divert your attention that works for you and it is unfortunate that your partner's condition is affecting this. A psych/counselor would help you both to find some clarity and alternatives to these situations.

I try and keep all the different challenges in my life separate so that I avoid an overwhelming feeling, I ensure I have plans to take small steps each day with each challenge where possible. Love to you both.

Jack

Is the depressed leading the depressed really just the blind leading the blind? - Depressed Relationship

melly06 — Sun, 24 May 2015 23:56:42 GMT

I had my appointment with my psychiatrist on Saturday morning. I dropped him at a medical centre, with the intention he was going to go in and get put on the Mental Health Scheme so that he could have subsidized appointments...

The doctor he saw didn't listen to him, and he has spent the entire weekend in lockdown in a mental health ward at hospital, as she thought he was psychotic. Every single one of the nurses that has been dealing with him has said it's so obvious he isn't crazy, he is just struggling with the anxiety and depression he was already facing, combined with the grief of his grandfather passing.

Unfortunately, the Aus Mental Health System couldn't let him out until he was seen by a physicatrist. Who didn't start until Monday. He has been locked down, not allowed to leave, not allowed to hug me for over 48 hours now.

The emotional pressure has been so harsh on me, and I am trying not to cry every single day. I have noone to turn to for help, noone to ask for advice. It's so hard to hold your boyfriend in your arms while he cries his eyes out because he isn't even allowed to go for a walk outside... Only to have a nurse come along and tell us we aren't allowed to touch.

Is the depressed leading the depressed really just the blind leading the blind? - Depressed Relationship

Jacko777 — Mon, 25 May 2015 13:24:53 GMT

I'm so sorry to hear this melly06, what a horrible few days you have had. Can't say I have ever heard of anyone being stopped from leaving, unless they tried to hurt themselves or someone else. Others on this site will know more about this.

Hang in there mate, you are on this journey now and I know it is hard to believe but you ARE heading towards greater peace and happiness. Try and remind yourself of this each day. How did you go at the psych? Love to you both.

Jack