topic I need some help in Young people

I need some help

jademk — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 11:23:29 GMT

I had been struggling with a girl I used to be friends with in the past year, and now she has left the friend group. However some of her close friends are still in my friend group and they are attention-seekers, gossipers, bullies and spread rumours about me and my best friends. We want to leave the group- but we are worried that they will ruin our lives even more. At home, my dad as super high expectations that I can never live up to and puts me down if I don't do as well as expected. I am struggling and I have confided in friends to help me but I'm not sure if its working.... please help someone 😞

I need some help

geoff — Fri, 18 Mar 2022 15:18:21 GMT

Hello Jademk, may be this girl has left the group simply because her 'friends' have been dominating the group and now she wants no part of it anymore, and this could be a reason why it was starting to be difficult to retain a friendship with her.

We can't stop what our friends say about us, it's a matter of being strong enough to prove them wrong, if you want to go down that path, or just ignore them, actions are stronger than words.

If your dad has high expectations, then enough won't be enough, he might want you to do more, even though you've tried your hardest,and by him doing this doesn't allow you to open your own mind and succeed the way you want to.

Your friends may help and encourage you not to worry, but as soon as your dad knows, then everything is thrown out the window, unfortunately.

May be you could ask your dad to just wait until the end of the year before he judges you because it may be causing too much pressure on you.

Parents are always concerned about how their kids are going, but you can only do as best as you are able to, so you can't become a neurologist if you have no interest in achieving this, you need to do what you want to become, because one day you will need to support yourself and any family you have, and your father will have no say in this.

If your friends can help you now, once your father has postponed his judgement, then they may be more of a benefit to you.

You can also contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online as well, but hope you can still get back to us.

Geoff.

I need some help

tranzcrybe — Sat, 19 Mar 2022 02:08:29 GMT

Rumours are just rumours and people will always believe what they want to believe.
Your friend group is not 'assigned' and if you feel your needs are no longer met, I would encourage you to associate with those whom you feel provide the support you require.
Find those you feel comfortable with and dismiss the negative influences in your life - you can be the beacon to higher standards of conduct.

You do not need to tolerate abuse just to belong.

Sorry about your dad as he only sees value in the results. Learning leads to understanding which is hard to quantify with a number.

I need some help

sbella02 — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 03:40:57 GMT

Hey Jademk,

Thank you so much for your openness in your post, and I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

It's unfortunate that you and your friends have been the target of rumours, gossip, and bullying. In my experience, if you and your friends weren't the subject of their awful behaviours, there would always be somebody else. You'll find that quite often, these people believe that talking about others in that manner will help them bond or fit in with each other. In reality, this animosity can be very destructive, and these "friendships" will disintegrate eventually as there's nothing deeper that connects these people with one another.

My best advice would be to stay out of the situation entirely, if you can. If you and your friends begin sitting somewhere else, the people who are talking badly about you will direct their hatred elsewhere. If you begin to ignore them and not pay them the attention they seek, they should move on fairly quickly.

I'm sorry to hear about the way your father responds to your experiences. As easy as it would be for me to say that your opinion and approval is the only one that should matter to you, I know how hard it can be to feel like you aren't meeting your parents' expectations. I understand how much parents' approval can mean to us. It can be so validating to hear that you've made them proud. If you would feel comfortable doing so, you could always have a chat to your dad about your feelings in regards to his expectations. You may be able to help him understand how his words affect you and how he can best support you in your learning journey.

You could always have a chat to a GP, counsellor, therapist, or psychologist if you're seeking further advice. They may be able to offer you some valuable tips from a professional standpoint.

Please let us know how you're going, we're here to support you.

All the best, SB

I need some help

jademk — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 09:27:23 GMT

tysm Geoff. I tried to contact the text line for helpline I was waiting for hours in bed and I only saw their reply till the next morning- and my mum had seen the chat. She never respects my space ( I know this sounds like I'm over exaggerating) so she showed my dad the texts and I felt stupid and now my dad is being really awkward to me and I'm really scared....

I need some help

jademk — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 09:28:06 GMT

thx sb. do u know if contacting these people is do-able without your parents knowing?

I need some help

jademk — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 09:28:56 GMT

tyyy 🙂

this makes me feel better that I know people like u guys understand me

I need some help

tranzcrybe — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 11:21:44 GMT

"I felt stupid and now my dad is being really awkward to me and I'm really scared...."
Sorry to eavesdrop on your comment to Geoff, but could you elaborate on 'awkward' and what you might be scared of with your dad?

I hope you feel safe and can be open about how you are feeling even if parents don't always understand.

I need some help

sbella02 — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 13:56:37 GMT

Jademk,

I assume you're in school, you could always try confiding in a school counsellor before seeking external help. They may be able to point you in the right direction from there.

I need some help

geoff — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 14:38:27 GMT

Hello Jademk, and tranzcrybe you aren't eavesdropping at all, so please don't worry.

I understand the worry you have with your parents finding out what was said, so there are a couple of ways to overcome this, change your username to something else or perhaps when you contact someone else, you can then keep your comment in a folder they wouldn't expect it to be in, or you can write it down and hide it, or just delete your comment so it's not visible after they have replied back to you.

Another alternative is to change your password so that they can' get onto your pc.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

I need some help

Karen0901 — Fri, 25 Mar 2022 18:45:42 GMT

I had this happen to me at school. A long time ago 😆. I had only been at the school a year after moving due to being removed from my mother and I was in a vulnerable state. It hit me hard.

The issues were the other girls and I kept getting caught up in it due to my vulnerability. My best friend was the one saying she didn't like our group so our other best friend and I left and went into another group. She ended up needing to belong so much to this new group that I slowly got dumped so she could spend more time with them. I drifted towards other girls in the group and we sort of had a split group. It was a bit weird.

These other girls that are not nice. Just talk to them confront them. I regret not doing that. It seems so big at the time. So hurtful. But its is not you. It's them. They also have their own teenage insecurities and problems and this is how it is manifesting. If they are still unpleasant to be around, find others who you like and you fit in with. Don't worry about rumours etc. I know that sounds crazy like I don't understand but with age comes wisdom and I now know that the people making the rumours and acting horrible are looking worse than those they are creating them about. Confront the rumours head on if possible. Reject them by explaining them away. Don't be afraid. People will repect you and leave you alone.

I need some help

jademk — Sun, 17 Apr 2022 01:51:51 GMT

tyyy so helpful 😊