topic Maybe I Have Depression. in Young people

Maybe I Have Depression.

Lost_Amelia — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 13:28:53 GMT

My mum found me on the bathroom floor today.

The tears had dried up, the pain subsided and I just laid there. I knew she was going to find me but I was too tired to move, I wish I had. She scolded me for being stupid, raising her voice telling me she was tired of my moods, tired that my family is "walking on egg shells" around me, pleading with me to tell her what is wrong. But I said nothing. I don't know what she wants me to say, all she wants is answers but I have none.

I know its not her fault for the yelling, she is frustrated just as I am.

I have been self coping with anxiety for the last 4 years and I thought I was doing an okay job. I completed my uni degree, managed to get THE job within a year of graduating, celebrated my 5th anniversary with my boyfriend, saved up a house deposit and recently started losing weight. I see my friends more now that I've finished studying and my parents are loving and have kind intentions. For a well rounded picture I should mention that I'm often told how attractive I am ( ugh that sounded very up myself, I'm not, but its an integral fact to my problem ). Now what does a girl like that have to be sad about?

I have asked myself that question everyday, and am yet to come up with an answer. It is utterly ridiculous that I cry myself to sleep every night, that I pull away from experiences and new people because I feel unworthy, that I feel this exhausted all the time. I have pushed myself to achieve so much, pushed myself though change and failure the very root of my anxiety but still never to overcome it. There are people in this world struggling from paycheck to paycheck, no roof over their head, no food to eat and living their lives in fear. So what do I have to be sad about?

Maybe I Have Depression?

Please help me.

Lost Amelia

Maybe I Have Depression.

geoff — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 18:40:01 GMT

dear Amelia, how sorry I feel for you, and can anyone ever understand why we should be the one to get depression, most of the time, NO, however if you do lose someone very close to you then that's a perfect reason, otherwise we can't explain to other people why this sudden melancholy lands in our lap.

There are no answers to all the questions they want from us, because we don't know, and their persistence annoys us only making us go deeper into the black hole.

We can't tell them why because we don't know why, even though the ideal person has got everything going for them in the right direction means zilch.

Why do I cry myself to sleep - no real reason.

Why do we start withdrawing from our friends -don't know.

Why can't we get out of bed - I don't feel extremely tired but my mind feels so different, and the list goes on and can be enormous, but they all lead to negative thoughts, such as people saying it's such a beautiful day outside, but to us this means nothing, I don't care.

There is a depression test called K10 which is just an indicator but what it means is that if you come back with a high score then you need to see your doctor.

The more you push yourself to achieve so much will finally come to an end, your body and your mind will give up, and overtaken by depression.

I know that it's a bad time to see your doctor, but I think there will some clinics that are still open over Xmas, but please I suggest that you do go and see someone, because hesitation is really procrastination and this is one trait that depression creates in us.

Hope you do get back to us, this site will always be open 24/7 365 days a year. Geoff. x

Maybe I Have Depression.

White_Rose — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 18:40:14 GMT

Dear Amelia

Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good you found the energy to write in here as this can be difficult for many people.

You are not stupid. At times it feels that way because you don't know what is happening to you and it's a horrible feeling. You sound very depressed and everything you have written tells me you are struggling to manage the beast.

You are an intelligent girl with great strength of character. Look at your accomplishments in recent years. Whatever problems other people contend with have nothing to do with you. There are always people who are worse off for all sorts of reasons. So forget the idea that depression only happens to those with problems. The Black Dog bites whoever it fancies, regardless of lifestyle.

So what to do about it. I invariably suggest you learn as much as possible about depression and how it affects your life. This is to help you manage and get well again and also so that you understand how it interferes with well-being. So at the top of the page there are various drop down tabs, also list at the bottom of the page. Explore them all. Send for any information you want and include the information for family. You are going to need as much support as possible to get well again so your BF and family need to understand what is happening.

Next step is to visit your doctor and get a full diagnosis. There are a number of possible treatments which your GP will discuss. Depending on the severity of your depression the options include some counseling from your GP, antidepressant medication, counseling from a psychologist or psychiatrist, group therapy. There are probably others but these are the most common.

It is really important to get help ASAP. The longer you leave it the harder it becomes to get well. People who write in here are teaching the dog to come to heel but it takes a while. We know how much pain you have and how it seems to be happening for no reason. And it's true, there is no reason. So do not think you are at fault in some way.

One of the hardest things is for others to understand is how depression makes you feel. And when you have accomplished so many things it seems even more incomprehensible. Now that you have stopped working at a million miles an hour your body is demanding a rest. Try to stop fighting it and let yourself have a chance to heal. We are here to help, comfort and support you. Keep in touch as you start your journey knowing we are here to hold your hand.

Mary

Maybe I Have Depression.

HelenM — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 20:46:57 GMT

Hi Amelia,

I don't have a lot to add to the two very good posts you've received. Life's strange. I know people whose lives are really tough yet they cope admirably. Then there's me. I have a great husband, two lovely kids and sweet grandchildren. I have hobbies I love, a few really good friends. I could say more. But! I have depression /anxiety. It's an illness and all those horrible feelings you have are symptoms of a nasty illness and nothing to do with not appreciating the good things you have.

Take care, Helen x

Maybe I Have Depression.

Chicken_Wings — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 04:06:08 GMT

Hey Amelia,

I've been found in literally the exact same place, on the floor in the bathroom without the energy or will to move.

The thing about depression is that it doesn't care if you have money or friends, a good job or a nice family. It's not always about whether you have anything to be sad about. So first off don't feel guilty about how you feel.

Its an unfortunate thing that anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. It's doesn't mean you can't live a great life.

Like White Rose said, make a long appointment with your GP to discuss how you're feeling. They'll be able to give you paths towards improving. Those may be medication or seeing a psychologist.

Have a chat to your boyfriend too. Talk about how your feeling, how he can help you and where you want to get to. If you're feeling down, ask him to go for a walk with you or do an activity together. Sometimes I ask my boyfriend to teach me math, he's great at it, me not so much. Try not to let how you are feeling stop you. It can be hard sometimes, but if you have a plan you can beat it.

Family can be tough, you feel guilty but also want their support. On their side of things they don't know what to do to help you. Do you think it would be helpful for your mum to come with you to see the GP?

the number one thing to make sure you do is look after yourself. Keep eating well, keep getting out and doing things. When you feel good, make the most of it.

Maybe I Have Depression.

webguru — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 05:16:37 GMT

Well Amelia- a great step forward is to get on track of recovery. You obviously started it by coming here, next step is seeing your doctor and with a simple test he can refer you to another professional - counsellor or psychologist, and you'll be on your way to managing things better. No reason to deny it, once you tackle it you will be on the way to better future. Having it "all" is an illusion, we can also lose everything in a simple accident, often not even anyone's fault... So cheer up and take the first step outside of the dark room, there is life out there 🙂

I've just done the same - over the last 6 weeks stresses at work triggered my previous depression and anxiety. I had little time to cope with so many deadlines and tasks to complete within the short period, but at the same time I knew I had to seek professional help and it made a huge difference. Don't battle it alone!

Maybe I Have Depression.

Lost_Amelia — Fri, 25 Dec 2015 03:08:55 GMT

Wow, thank you for all your responses, it is very comforting.

You all made suggestions to seek medical help, but I cannot do this I won't do this. I need a way to do this on my own.

While in regards to myself I am new to depression, I have been surrounded by it for a number of years. My boyfriend sunk to its depths only 6 months after we got together. I helped in every way I could, I was there to listen, took him to his appointments, stood by him while they juggled his medications.

The meds were the worst. I lost count, of how many he tried, how long we waited to see effects, how many withdrawals he had when he couldn't take the numbness anymore and dropped cold turkey. The medication took so much out of him, some days I wouldn't know him at all, there was hardly any of him left.

After all the medications, all the doctors, all the councing he will always be circling that drain.

Depression is not something that can be cured. Our bodies have fantastic memory and will happily fall back to its familiar depths, I have seen it time and time again. So the most I can ask for is a way of coping, something to help me ride it out.

I assume therapy will be suggested but that does not fit with my lifestyle. I work 12 hour shifts on night rotations, hospitals never sleep.

I began researching depression again (facts, logic and life examples was always how I combatted my anxiety) and I stumbled across a number of studies that makes sense to me.

Can anyone tell me more about the contagious nature of depression?

Lost Amelia

Maybe I Have Depression.

Chicken_Wings — Fri, 25 Dec 2015 23:31:53 GMT

Hi Amelia,

It's completly your choice to not onto down the avenue of medication, I just wanted to say that it's important to remember that every persons experience with medication is different. There is a reason so many people suggested it as an option and that's because it can work.

Personally ive only ever been on 1 medication and never felt numb or like I wasn't myself, if anything it gave me the old me back. I will never be cured of depression, but going on medication gave me the kick start I needed to get off the floor and has been my bodyguard when I've needed it.

depression can be brought on by many things, from a chemical imbalance in the brain through to life experience. From my understanding the idea of depression being contagious is less about you spending time with a depressed person and it rubbing off on you and more about subtle life experiences seeding fears and doubts which grow over time.

For example, my mum was scared of flying when I was little. Apparently it's impossible for children to be scared of flying, it's something they learn because they see the fear of the adults they look to for safety. So I learned that flying was something to be afraid of.

with depression, the feelings you learn are more likely to be about things like self doubt, for example if people tell you you can't do something enough you'll believe them. Or if people make fun of something you enjoy you might stop doing it and lose that fun aspect of your life.

i think it still comes back to the fundamental things that are said about overcoming depression and that is to live life, to find what you enjoy and do it. To push yourself to go out, even if you feel like everyone is judging you and to remember self care.

CBT has been helpful to me and if youre concerned about fitting therapy in with your lifestyle there are a number of CBT exercise books that are really well rated. Just get the exercise edition not the therapists edition. I haven't done them myself but people have said they help.

The key to improving is committing to doing so and making a plan. Depression doesn't conquer itself.

Maybe I Have Depression.

White_Rose — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 18:26:11 GMT

Hello Amelia

I have to agree with Chicken Wings (CW). Depression doesn't cure itself and I believe you are letting yourself in for an unnecessarily long and hard journey. I also agree that depression is not something you 'catch' but prolonged exposure to depression and other mental illnesses in others can significantly affect the way you feel. It's no coincidence that there is a high level of suicide in doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists. They too become overwhelmed by their exposure to mental illness.

Depression seems to run in families but again, which is the chicken and which the egg. We definitely learn from our families, especially our parents. The same is true of domestic violence. Children exposed to this will often become abusers or victims because that is role they have learned. It sounds to me as though you have also learned your role from your family. In your case you are expected to cope with everything because you have no apparent reason to be unwell.

And yet you have just lived through an intense period of activity and achieved so much, which I suspect is an expectation of your family. Depression may be your body's way of telling you to rest. I really do urge you to see your GP and get a general health check up. Some of your symptoms may well be purely physical and can be fixed quite easily. Tiredness is a product of depression but also of many other conditions. So rule out the simple stuff and then see about your depression.

Medication can be great and can also be the pits. CW has been fortunate enough to have only one medication. I have tried heaps. Some did nothing for me. Others may well have helped with the depression but had such horrendous side effects I could not tolerate them and stopped taking the AD. Recently I went through a dreadful period where my AD clashed with a medication for cancer. I take neither now. Yes I am trying to manage without any ADs and I can tell you it's hard. I really wish I had something to take away the pain, feelings of worthlessness and living in the dark. Unfortunately no one has discovered such a medication.

So we all struggle along doing the best we can. I am now ready to accept whatever help I can get and maybe I will return to ADs, though it seems unlikely they will help. My message is to try everything. My guess is that you will need help for a short time only because you are so determined to get well. Continue to talk to us.

Mary

Maybe I Have Depression.

Kazzl — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 20:08:28 GMT

Hi Amelia, well done for reaching out here, it's hard to acknowledge you might have depression so good on you.

The only thing I can add to the excellent advice you've already received is to not shut your parents out of what you're experiencing. I don't know what your relationship with them is like, but it sounds to me like maybe your mum is frustrated because she doesn't understand and, at the moment, can't help you. If it's possible within your relationship, please try to let her in. Share information about depression with her, help her understand. Your her girl, she is proud of you, she wants the best for you and, perhaps, she feels it's her fault and feels helpless because she can't 'fix' it (that's a common condition amongst mums). Let her help - begin by talking, tell her you don't know what's wrong but this is how you're feeling. I think taking her with you to the doctor, if that's suitable to your relationship, would be a very good start.

Keep coming here, there are so many who understand.

Best wishes to you.

Kaz