Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused

HiddenLight — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 14:26:26 GMT

Never thought my life would come to such a negative state, for the last 5 months, I believe I have been suffering from Depression and Anxiety. Only up to this breaking point have I realized that it has become an issue, it is real, it's not going away and I need help.

Only 6 months beforehand, I was truly happy, confident, giving, so relaxed in life, stress and drama free, I had just gotten into a relationship with my current partner now, who I believe is my soul mate and I am blessed to have his hand, never felt so happy with anyone during our first happy month, I had everything going for me and could only think things would reach higher for me.

I was then made redundant. I was shocked, but I figured getting a job would be no stress and I'd be fine. I never told my partner I lost my job as I felt it was too shameful to admit, figured I would get a new one in a week without telling him, as I was always the independent type of girl who likes to be on top of everything. Well, in not telling my partner straight away led to me digging myself a hole that got bigger and bigger as the months went by. Two months later, I still never told my partner. Instead, I found myself in a trap. A trap of lies, dishonesty, hurt and a lot of stress. I became so stubborn at this point that I was leaving the house every morning pretending I was going to my job when instead I would find myself sitting in a library all day applying for cash loans, selling all of my jewelry/electronics and begging family for money, all this just to find a way to prove I was working and had an income to my partner. This whole issue became so stressful about money and working everyday that it was eating me alive, I felt anxious at the end of everyday to return back home on Fridays with only $70 "wages" for the whole week, whenever my partner brought up where my money has gone we broke out in massive fights, I was losing myself without realizing. Money became so caught up in my life that it wasn't even about finding a new job anymore, it was all about new ways to make money everyday for proof of employment.

So now, 5 months later. I cry almost everyday, sometimes for no reason, my head is literally tumbling around with constant negative and positive thoughts, resulting in mood swings. I get so stressed in bad situations and fights with my partner, I feel like I can't breathe, my head and my mood is so negative and upsetting that I am driving the love of my life away. I don't want this anymore 😞

Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused

white knight — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 03:10:05 GMT

Hi HL, welcome to beyond blue forums.

You know there is only one way to make a wrong- right. Relationships are based on trust to be successful. Your actions were totally wrong in terms of your partner. If I was your partner I'd be livid.

That said what can you do. It isnt complex. You have to tell your partner - EVERYTHING.

You could show him this thread and ask him to read it. You could sit down with him and tell him. You could seek out a counsellor and break the news then. But this matter is about pride more than anything else IMO.

Your future with your partner depends on his forgiveness. The fights following him asking you where your money went was ordeals he didnt have to go through so he may take time to overcome this.

Take care Tony WK

Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused

geoff — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 18:31:03 GMT

dear HiddenLight, relationships especially early ones need honesty, because your building up a trust with the both of you, but now you're caught up in the corner which you should sit down with him and explain exactly what has happened.

I'm sure that if he loves you, he will understand but it may take a bit a making up. L Geoff. x

topic Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused in Young people

Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused

Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused

Once I was the happiest, now I feel sad, lost, and confused