topic Struggling. in Young people

Struggling.

cateanne — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 05:42:04 GMT

Hi.

I'm a 20yo turning 21 in a few months. I'd like to pretend that my life has gone the way I thought it was when I was younger, that id be happy and have friends and just enjoy living.

But I don't. I'm alone and I'm scared. I haven't had any friends since I was 10 years old, and I guess that's partly my fault. I had a best friend since I was 5, who suddenly was invited to sit with the popular girls so she stopped speaking to me completely, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough. That one single event shaped the rest of my life and got me here.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want friends, I want someone to tell me I don't deserve to stop existing and support me. I want to support other people. I spend my days watching t.v shows filled with girls with loads of friends and it just hurts. I don't want to struggle on my own anymore and I don't know what to do...

Struggling.

Dee93 — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 14:22:23 GMT

You don't deserve to stop existing, and you definitely deserve support! But your number 1 supporter has to be you. As someone who is surrounded by friends, co-workers, a long-term boyfriend .. I feel just as isolated as I did when I had no one. I'm so insecure about my 'other side' that I've separated it entirely from my public self. I guess what I'm saying is; don't do what I've done. I know saying 'love yourself' is cliche but it's true. At the same time there are amazing people out there, if you come to terms with yourself (good parts and bad, they all have a function) and try engage in some social functions (pick up a new hobby? a job? these are good ways to meet people) it can happen for you. Just don't hide your 'other side' for the sake of friends.

Struggling.

geoff — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 23:35:10 GMT

dear Cateanne, hi and it's nice that you have decided to contact us, and your first reply is from a newcomer as well, so that's terrific.

Having your 'best friend' decide to not make any more with you, well is depressing, because you haven't done anything wrong, however your friend has now shown her true colours, she just wants to be with the crowd, well true honest friends don't ever let this happen, they stick by you as you do with them.

From what you have said she isn't a friend for you any more, even if she decides to come back, which I don't believe will never happen, unless the group needs her to get some information off you.

You seem to be a very private person and haven't had any confidence to rebuilt any relationships with other friends, and you're not the first one to feel this way, but still that doesn't help you, because you feel alone, so I'd be interested in what you have enjoyed before, such as hobbies, sports, because you have to break free from this group. Geoff.

Struggling.

White_Rose — Sun, 13 Sep 2015 03:23:10 GMT

Dear Cateanne

Hello. I offer a warm welcome to you from Beyond Blue. It's great that you have found this site and that you are looking for support. There are so many people who write in here with all sorts of difficulties and find the strength and support of others help them in their various journeys.

Making friends, that's a big question. I imagine that you know a number of people such as neighbours and workmates. It's good to start there. Instead of looking for someone to befriend you, have a go at befriending someone else. Who are your neighbours? Can you start chatting to them when you walk down the road? Introduce yourself and start a conversation. Just because the person is not in the same age bracket as you does not mean they cannot be your friend.

On my way home from the train station I used to chat to lady who was often outside sweeping the leaves, killing ants or other garden tasks. She was 20+ years older than me but we enjoyed chatting and as time went on we became friends. You probably think this is no fun and does not provide a companion to go out with, and this is true to some extent. I really loved being with her and listening to her observations on life, sharing a cuppa, laughing at jokes and feeling generally comfortable. We gave a lot to each other. Sadly she died nearly two years ago and I miss her, but her legacy stills lives in me. It was a privilege to know her.

It's the same with your colleagues. Talk to them in the lunch hour or similar, ask what they do at the weekends, talk about films, books etc and when you find a common interest or something you would like to try, suggest you both attend a function of this interest. I do understand the feeling of not being good enough. I have struggled with this for many years, and still do on occasions. If you reach out a little and see how this unfurls you will find people to trust.

It's sad that the first casualty of any trauma is trust. So dip your toe in the water and see what happens. You could attend activities that you want to learn or already enjoy but would like to attend with others. What about a book club? Your library may have details. Pilates, walking or gardening groups, community or volunteer work. These may not bring you into contact with a large number of people you want to get to know more. What does happen is that you find places and activities that you enjoy and become a more contented person. This is attractive to others and will attract others.

Try it and see.

Mary